From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Zach Braff✡ is a "comedian" best known for his 7+ years playing Dr. John "J.D" Dorian on the unfunny TV shitcom, Scrubs. He is also last year's "little black dress" thanks to the pearls of wisdom that (allegedly) spew forth from his lips.
Zach Braff Quotes
An Internet phenomenon akin to Chuck Norris jokes, Zach Braff Quotes is a meme that had been bubbling along through the tubes since late 2007. However, during the summer of 2008, these 'quotes' got a boost in the ratings thanks to being picked up by the Internet Meme Machine on /b/. Thusly, like the Rickroll, lolcats and numerous other 4chan favorites, Zach Braff Quotes were thrust into the Pop Culture mainstream.
The M.O.
Zach Braff posting on /
b/.
Basically, you make up some shit and attribute it to Zach Braff. That is all. Trying to be lulzy helps but you ideally want to be as offensive and lulzy as possible. In other words, shit a /b/tard would say. A proper Braff quote will appear harmless or nonsensical on its own, but gain an entirely new, generally offensive meaning given the context in the attribution. The following examples are indicative of how these quotes are to be executed:
“
|
I really see no problem with it. At least half of the people involved are enjoying it. Why spoil their fun?
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on rape
|
“
|
Look, those are some tasty eggs. And frankly, I can afford them.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on the endangered California condor
|
“
|
Well, at least I'm okay.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on 911
|
“
|
He may seem OK now, but wait until he jacks the radio from Air Force One.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on Obama
|
“
|
Their height makes them perfect for skull fucking. It's fine. It's not like they have any rights.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on midgets
|
“
|
I believe that the best course of action is to gather these people together in a concentrated mass in order to purge them from our world in a cleansing fire.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on AIDS victims
|
“
|
Don't get me wrong: I love the idea of killing unwanted babies; it's just that the notion of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on abortion
|
“
|
Well, I believe we have to give our nation's children a chance, you know?
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on his pornography collection
|
“
|
They were singing. Obviously, they were having a good time.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on slavery
|
“
|
Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn't they just swim to safety?
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on Katrina
|
“
|
If you gag a woman before she can say "no" then I don't think anybody can honestly call it rape.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on the complex nuances of our legal system
|
“
|
It's sad; he still owes me $20.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on Heath Ledger's death
|
“
|
It was sad; my feet hurt from all the dancing.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on Heath Ledger's funeral
|
“
|
I blame Audrey Hepburn. Were it not for her, most women would still only know of one use for a toothbrush.
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on bulimia.
|
“
|
"Sometimes you just have to say, "What the hell." I think Tom Cruise said that once, which is probably why he's fucking Dakota Fanning."
| „
|
| —Zach Braff on indifference and bad adaptations of H.G. Wells movies
| |
| Previous Quote | Next Quote |
Zach Braff quotes also come in handy when you've posted something offensive on your facebook etc. When the BAWWWfags start griping that you're a homophobic, anti-semetic, misogynist, blame it on Zach Braff.
See Also
External Links
|
|
|
|
|
Zach Braff Quotes is part of |
Classic |
Solid |
Chanspeak |
|
|
a series on Memes |
Fleeting |
Failed |
Not a Meme |
|
|
|
Click one of the six categories to expand that category.
|
|
|
|
|
|
