Zananeichan
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Zananeichan is a plucky girl hailing from some bumblefuck backwater in South Africa who truly and deeply believes she's an elf. Her favorite way of proving this is to photograph herself in her "True Elvin Form™", which basically consists of striping down, painting her ass green and posting it on the internet.
The offer of so much crazy (and tits!) would be somewhat appealing were she not a freakish UFO cultist otherkin with a stare of a thousand awkward silences. That and if you look closely at her odd bumpy forehead with the extremely high hairline you'll discover she's actually a Klingon and not an elf.
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[edit] Zana Crawls Out of The Woodwork
This lolcow nimble elf was first discovered on devianTART, throwing a massive shitfit about her godawful 3D renders of gay elf orgies getting baleeted. Naturally this was totally unfair, the admins were prudes and anyone who reported her porn was A RACIST CONSPIRING TO KEEP THE ELF WOMEN DOWN, yo.
Actually, the only argument she could come up with for preserving the oily finger banging located here, was that she has special elven rights because she's been in TARTland since 2002. Yeah? Well, Halle Berry's had an Oscar for Best Actress since 2002, and that doesn't mean we shouldn't take it back and melt it down to make ash trays.
| —Zananeichan, And she's so eloquent too! |
Needless to say residents of TARTland's Complaints Forum were largely unmoved by her plight. Of her harrowing experience Zana said "It was like walking into a pool of scorpions."
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[edit] Zana's Reality
"Here I took a few photos of myself in Elvin form, I did get some assistance by some fairies, however they were to shy to be in the photos, they just held the camera for me. The day, well I was alone at home, no one was around, and I thought I would finish off my Elvin experience scene and render it, but I heard the dogs barking at the forest. It was an friend I had not seen for a long time, an Elvin friend, who was a tree elf called Adaron.
Well she came up to the house dripping in mud, screaming my name out with joy, I came rushing outside to meet her, she ran to me with her arms open, and we collided together in each others arms and gave each other a long kiss. I told her she must wash up before coming into the house, and she let me know I am in my true Elvin form. She took all my clothes off and drew on my body and tickled me at the same time once we were in the house. She had never been in human house before, and felt sorry for me that I am living with humans.And gave me a hug, two fairies came in through the window and tickled our ears, and one picked up the camera so she could take photos of me so I can show the world what I look like in my Elvin form around the elves.
We finally reached her house which was in the middle of the swamplands within the forest. The typical conditions for a mud elf and most elves, however some elves are like humans who prefer dryness. Humans would find the conditions unbearable. The house roof was kind of low, so one had to crawl around in the many rooms. She said this was not the inside of her house, but merely the entrance. The way to get in the house was let it pull us in through the mud, and to get in we would have to wait for the house...The house is a living creature. While we were waiting we played and kissed in the mud, then I felt tentacles like earthworms come out of the mud and wrap around us and into us while we were in our height of intimacy.
Once we were pulled in the house walls were organic, and pulsing, and glowing, it felt if I was in some fat, deformed earthworm. I saw many other elves here too, and the way they came in and out, was like how earthworm feeds. The house is a giant worm. Here I got to meet many elves, and we ended up all falling asleep laying on top of each other... then when I woke up I found myself lying in the garden... not knowing if I will meet my friend again, I am sure I would. I do see her eyes glowing from the forest at night and I know she wants to come, she is waiting for me to be alone again and take me into her home again.
Its so amazing to see that all Elvin things they make are living and alive and magical, they don’t destroy something to build something dead, yet, if they have to occupy some space, they create an alternative for the environment where the Earth, and its creature live in harmony with the elves so well, that they exist without being noticed, amazing. If you look at an unusual large tree hard enough, you will probably see an elf lying on it, or it could be a doorway into an Elvin home and you can open the door by having certain thoughts on your mind, thoughts of love and touching the tree in a specific way.
Love ya lots Zana ((^_^))"
[edit] The Quest for Gainful Employment
It's possible that Zana's failure at finding gainful employment may stem from the fact that the same personal site that presents her resume to possible employers is also littered with photos of herself naked, covered in mud and leaves, crawling through the swamps of South Africa. Clearly, she seeks very liberal employers.
Though, Zana's employment objectives, experience and background are somewhat nontraditional, she has big plans for her future career:
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Unfortunately, Zana's resume puts her at a disadvantage in the competitive job market by expounding on pointless filler such as marital status, high school clubs, hobbies as well as her stamp collections and pen pals. Further tarnishing her semblance of professionalism are the large breasted nude elves that serve as dividers between such sections as employment experiences and skills. Thus having created a permanent state of joblessness for herself, Zana is left with the tear-jerking dilemma of choosing between trannie hormone treatment meds or keeping up with her pay-per-bandwidth-usage internet connection that most civilized nations moved past in 1991.
[edit] Reaction to This Article
| —Zana, Incoherent BAAAAAW |
[edit] Elfy Gallery ((^_^))
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 This is clearly what employers in IT are looking for. |
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 I couldn't imagine the abject horror of what it looks like from the back end. |
 Shaved eyebrows are a mark of elfin beauty. |
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 Zana uses eco-disaster and "the dungeon so called 'home'" to explain why she posts noodz on the internets. |
[edit] Quotes
| —Zana, Well you heard the trap, would she ever change her mind? |
| —Zana, Psychic about UFOs now. |
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| —Zana, She knows conspiracies. |
| —Zana, she's very sensitive. |
| —Zana, Beatnik parents explain so much. |
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
- Zana's devianTART page
- Zana's Elfwood page
Zana's personal site (prepare for eye rape)nevar mind, doesn't work anymore.
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Zananeichan is part of a series on DeviantART |
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