Israel
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Israel (Hebrew: ישראל Arabic: فلسطين ) is an illegal settlement of jews in the Middle East. As the USA's 51st state, Israel (aka The Promised Land and Zionistan) is Murka's BFF in an otherwise hostile Moslem sandnigger infested region of the world.
Founded after World War 2 by Britfag trolls eager to unload the worthless sandbox they owned from prior world domination, the idea was to placate Hitler's leftover butthurt whiners by giving them their own country. The plans also included putting them in a 'bad neighbourhood' where -it was hoped- like niggers in a Georgia trailer park, they would be easily plucked out and lynched from Burning Bushes.
Unfortunately, the worthless dump was already occupied with its native population, the Palestinians. And they'd put a fair amount of work into the dump. So when all these pesky Jews got off the Führer Fun Bus and started throwing their weight around like they owned the joint, claiming it had been promised to them way before the Holocaust in an old work of fiction called The Bible, the natives grew restless and started pushing back. Since the jews had come bearing arms instead of the customary Arabic gift of alms, shit started jumping off. The logic behind it is pretty much as if future Objectivists claimed a probably Mexican-infested Manhattan because their zombie leader likes concrete phalli.
And so began the birth of a nation -like America- founded upon the massacre, subjugation and 'relocation' of an indigenous people. Ever since, it's been nothing but trolling IRL, butthurt, pwning and drama, with Israel continuing to push the limits of its borders and expanding into traditional Arab territory like the West Bank, the Gaza Strip and the Golan Heights and the Arab world trying to push back the kike scourge.
To prevent this, Israeli sharpshooters always aim for the arms when putting down Arab intifada lynch mobs. Due to the fact that Slurpee machines require two hands to operate properly, no 7-11 stores exist in all of Israel. Their loss.
However, enterprising Jewish businessmen have begun funding the production of machines capable of turning Palestinian babies into Slurpees. This is in full accordance to international law, as Palestinians do not share the same rights as humans. The Jew kikes of Israel control 75% of the worlds money, not for investing purposes though, they just like the smell of it. Vast quantities of money is also needed to buy the gold they wear around their neck known as Jew gold.
Jews sayes, that Israel is for stupid. Smart jews emigrate to USA and Cana'ada. After all, all jew shNobel prise winners are from Europa or North America. Jew country of Israel is culturaly backward. Jew lack of imagination is so total, that all Israel sport teams are eather named Hapoel or Maccabi.
As one would expect of a Jewish state, Israel is the most overtly criminal nation in the world. The Jews there are constantly involved in wanton mass-murder of their Arab neighbors, engaging in such lulz as indiscriminate war crimes involving use of banned weapons in densely-populated areas, as thoroughly documented by testimonies from their own soldiers, which some argue is a result of decades of mass fapping to Holocaust Porn, causing the Chosen People to internalize an eroticized narrative of genocide and act out their own Holocaust fantasies onto their poor and hapless Palestinian and Lebanese neighbors.
Teh Jews also have to chop off teh cocks. Therefore causing 65% of kikes to die alone. This increases their love for Jew gold and raping teh Terrorists with their bulldozers.
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Current Events
- Recently, Israel has been trying to provide Jewenstine, the mascot and god of the Heebs, with some more Lebensraum in the Lebanon. Much pwnage has occurred.
- Last Thursday, Israel waged war on Lebanon's international airport, causing major delays.
- For at least 100 years, organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah have been blowing themselves up because they are attention whores.
- Jews did Beirut as performance art to protest Holocaust denial -and for the lulz- after they fell hard for the classic Hezbollah troll of kidnapping IDF soldier boys.
Early History and the Father of The Sate
The land now called Ysrl by the jews has been aknowledged to exist for almoast 600 years when the mighty Ottomans passed by the dumpsite en route to invade Northern Africa. The earliest scientifically recorded inhabitation of the area is by an Arab gang named "The Dirty Phillistines".
By the XIX century a self-loathing German Jew (two wrongs never make right) by the name of Teddy Herzl was cutting his wrists about being Jewish, and German (Austrian, the worst kind of German) while thinking of a Final Solution to his terrible problem. Naturally he approached the Catholic Church. When he realized that sipping wine and eating some matza-like cookie resembled a lot a Shabbat Dinner, and could not cure his facial and nasal protuberances, he laid the foundations for the obliteration of Judaism. He would sneakely change the Jew's identity and lure him into calling himself a Zionist and founding a new Hebrew Nazi State in some backwater ditch. He chose 'Dirty Phillistiya' because the typical Jew would find its atmosphere quiet settling.
In 1917 the Americans were paid a lot of money by Bankers to save the Britfags' arses, against the Britfag promiss of capturing some stretch of gravel in the Ottoman Empire where brainwashed jews could fuck around; eventually succeeding and ensuring almoast a century of lulz and counting.
Actual Quotes of the Father of Israel
| —Theodor Herzl |
| —Theodor Herzl |
| —Theodor Herzl |
| —Theodor Herzl |
Recent History
When the Allies advanced towards Berlin in the late 1944, they discovered the horrifying truth of Hitler's pet project in the German extermination camps. Millions of Jews, suffering from diseases, barely walking from hunger and malnutrition, humiliated beyond human by their torturers, but - and here comes the horrifying part - still alive, poured out of gates of Auschwitz, Birkenau and other places. Something needed to be done about it because they didn't want those heebs ending up in America somehow.
Fortunately, the Nazis's original plans included the deportation of the remaining European jewry to the land of the filthy philistines, the ones too retarded to pose any military threat to the civilized world - the Sand Niggers. So most of the Jews were sent to Palestine, and the Western World hoped that four hundred million Arabs would quickly push four hundred thousand Jews for Jesus into the sea once the Poms left the area.
Unfortunately, the stupidity of the Arabs was severely underestimated, resulting in epic fail. This led to establishment of a Jew state for the first time in at least 100 years. Thus, in solving the Jew problem, we are basically back to square one.
The premature decision to invade Germany before Hitler could finish his conceptual art project -turning all jews into lampshades- and subsequent underestimation of how retarded Arabs were, made Roosevelt die from guilt, and ruined Churchill's career after the war. Stalin managed to avoid the blame until after his death. Some argue that the Cold War was a direct result of Western Allies and the Soviet Union blaming each other for not fully actualizing the Final Solution. This strife naturally fueled the rebirth of the Jew economic conspiracy. Some gleam of hope arised again in 1979 when the New Aryans took over some shitty country, now within range of Eretz Israel - AKA Auschwitz IV, the Final Selektion (Auschwitz III, Monowitz, was partially operational when the stupid Commies went head over heels on the Eastern Front).
Military policy
Although killing sandnigger Shitlamists is always funny, Israel sort of ruined all of the lulz due to Semitic faggotry and unlimited access to sum hutt Muslim-genocide action. If a toothless Arab peasant-ass from nowhere fires over 9,000 fireworks on some shitty Jew colony in the possession of crippled jam-producers the Israel military is immediately obliged to smash-fuck the shit out of every terrorist boy-lover on Gaza with 1337 tank rockets 4nd 35g4 1n1=4n7ryx. This of course is not even remotely fair since all their precious jewgolds come from the Americunt government, which in turn only gets nigger-riots and a reliable ally, that at the slightest sign of danger will eat their own children along with everyone they swore allegiance to.
Unlike Zionist conspirators in Europe, U.S.A., everywhere - the Israelis are obliged to show extreme force at any given chance as mentioned above. Whether this is because ghettos used to oppress rat-folk are their natural habitat or that they are just so comfortable with the whole world behind their back is a matter of debate. What is known however is that this lulzy fagnocide will go on forever or until the Arab species are extinct along with the state of Israel and everyone will go home and have a good hearty laugh about it. If nukular lolocaust fails however see Catnarok.
The Israeli military are known to have one rule of engagement and one rule only- They never violate the same corpse twice.
Confession of the obvious
It is to be noted that most Jews don't live in Israel, and most Israelis would love to emigrate. However being unpatriotic is illegal in Israel, while not screaming your support for Israel makes you a bad jew everywhere else in the World in the eyes of the Hives' Elders who control our future financial security. Accordingly, about 100% of Jews silently fantasize about the sweet morning when mushroom clouds will illuminate the Promised Land, ridding everyone from its annoying existence.
Israel Palestine: Peace Pwned
Never trust a giant lizard or an Israeli:
Israel and flame wars
If you get involved in a flame war relating to the Israeli-Palestine conflict and want some Zionists on your side, consider inviting the following people:
Gallery
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