greets to the final bosses of internet: cromlech, aush0k, dshocker, atomiku, Romford trev, piddle, rolo, baz.

Zoe Kimball

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Jump to: navigation, search

Run Zoe...Run... For dear life RUN!

1 Stalking Zoe Kimball
2 Ground Agents - Epic FAIL
3 A Call for Ground Agents: Round 2
4 MOAR Stalkerness
5 THE INTERNET WHITE KNIGHT
6 The Plan
7 Internet Rule Modifications
8 Pictures

[edit] Stalking Zoe Kimball

Zoe Kimball is a 15 year old girl from Oregon whose camwhoring got her into /b/'s black heart.

Zoe attended elementary school, where she won the 100 Book Club t-shirt contest two consecutive years, 4th and 5th grade, 2002-2003 and 2003-2004 respectively. The first years, 2002-2003, Zoe won for her drawing of a pig and "Go Hog Wild For Books" slogan. The second year, 2003-2004 Zoe won for her drawing of a gorilla who encourages kids to "Go bananas for books."

In 2005, Zoe, her Sister, and friends helped organize the Discover Bicycles kids’ mountain biking club, and gave the club a name - Disco Kids. The Disco Kids club is open to riders of all skill levels, from 5-12 years old and new members are encouraged to join at any time. The annual membership fee of $20 covers club insurance for each event. In 2005, Zoe was one of four students in her school’s "Making a Difference" class to work with children at Bright Beginnings Preschool to create art for sale as a way to raise funds for Heifer International. She and the other three girls went on to teach about primary colors, warm and cool colors, and other basics in painting.

Zoe attended Middle School for 6-8th grade. On December 9th, 2006, Zoe played the King Mouse in the 4:00 PM performance of the Nutcracker. Zoe was on the honor roll all three years, with a 3.88 in 6th grade, and a 3.91 in 8th grade.

As of 2007-2008 school year, she attends High School, where she is currently a Freshman. Her older sister also attends the same school.

Zoe has two siblings: one older sister, and possibly a younger brother.

Some of Zoe's widely available pictures were posted on /b/. /b/tards subsequently decided that Zoe was the cutest thing to hit /b/ since Line Trap. Like with other chan-girls, Anon posted violent rape copypasta, and some original comments.

“	holy fucking shit i think i am in love with this girl. her eyes... they're so beautiful... i just want to rip them out and fuck her skull until my PENIS breaks, you know?	„
—Anon

Within 3 hours, /b/ had her name, number, and personal information, and ground agents were out driving by her house. Her phone number was called to confirm her location. It was all very scary. One anon commented:

“	"now i know why parents don't want their kids on myspace. good thing we're a friendly army."	„
—Anon

[edit] Ground Agents - Epic FAIL

When Anon's ground agents in the Hood River area were dispatched. All hell broke loose. The thread was bumped and saged until the ground agent came back.

One anon exclaimed:

“	/b/ we're better then the nsa...we have agents on the ground before we even know they're needed	„
—Anon

Anon decided, that one thread was not enough, and created a second thread. The second thread was close to 404, and anon decided he'd make a third thread... That's correct... 3 different threads were made because of Zoe Kimball. What a bunch of desperate weeaboos.

The faggots came back empty handed, with not even a picture of her house, or school. EPIC FAIL was declared, and the agents were shunned...

Another anon exclaimed

“	If you live near her you must slowly but surely gain her trust and become her friend then kidnap her when she least expects it. By then the rest of us Anon (well over 9000) will have built a mansion out of bricks in the Utah desert for the sole purpose or procreating with her. We shall have our most attractive anons mate with her then share the offspring with the rest of us. Thoughts?	„
—Anon

And Anon agreed, whole heartedly...

One anon decided that he'd try to call over skype and asked all the other anons what they thought he should say. To which another anon exclaimed:

“	tell her she has an entire website stroking in unison. she's the queen of Saturday night spilled load.	„
—Anon

At one point, a dissenter anon began to post FAIL. And was shooed out. A reply to the dissenter's post exclaimed:

“	Can you honestly look at the very first picture posted and say that you DON'T want to spill your semen all over her face, in her eyes, nose, and mouth? That you wouldn't enjoy stripping her down and making her eat out of a dog bowl? That you wouldn't hang her from the ceiling from chains and beat her with a golf club?! WTF is wrong with you?	„
—Anon

[edit] A Call for Ground Agents: Round 2

The next day, a second call for ground agents was made on /b/. Although some anons posted Google Earth screens, Anon declared:

“	Naw. Need streetview pictures... I wanna know what colour it is, where the entrances are, if the windows are open. How many windows there are. If they are barred. Whether there's an alarm system If you're gonna plan something, you need the details.	„
—Anon

Another declared:

“	just start by creeping on by her house and school, and taking pictures of them for ED...then we'll go from there. keep it on the downlow /b/rother. Get enough pics of surrounding neighborhood to create a navigable street view. will be good for plotting escape routes.	„
—Anon

Dissenters dissented:

“	You fuckers aren't going to do jack shit except give this poor girl a nervous breakdown and disrupt her life. I hope her dad is a big redneck bubba that shoots a couple of you in the face as you do your little recon drive-bys.	„
—Anon

and

“	ZOE IS A FORCED MEME! PLANTED PICS TURNED INTO YOUR LOVE ANON! YOU'VE BEEN USED!	„
—Anon

Rebuttal ensued:

“	There is no meme here. There is only discussion of the stalking and subsequent violent rape and torture of a 16 year old girl from Hood River Oregon.	„
—Anon

But oldfags, newfags and 13-year-old-boys agreed:

“	if this goes through, this will be like injecting /b/ with anti-cancer super-vaccine straight into the aorta and the urethra at the same time	„
—Oldfag Anon

[edit] MOAR Stalkerness

A rapidshare was posted with several hundred photos

http://rapidshare.com/files/107292212/zoe_-_cutest_girl_in_the_world.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/112600427/zoe.rar.html

Her flixster, mypsace, and photobucket were also posted. Anon stated:

“	I feel a bit sorry for her... but hey. Zoe Kimball, every guy that have seen your face wants to bone you - and you do post the pictures yourself. This is just, as I see it, a free ticket to more popularity.	„
—Anon

http://zoellia.deviantart.com/

The deviant art page above is highly likely to be real. After the recent events (scary phone calls by Anons in the night, etc.) the site was shut down. Everything is now hidden. However, check the comments and google caches. It may be useful for you to assume that once someone becomes the object of Anon, they would take steps to protect themselves from further harassment. Unfortunately, Anon is very very very good at using the internet.

Due to Zoe's desu nature, she has a high number of fakes. Especially since Brazil took a particular interest in making Zoe fakes. The best way to spot a Zoe fake is by of course using common sense, and seeking out non-famous Hood River residents, and looking for Zoe's friends. The fakes will also have Zoe's friends, but the friends will have different profiles and profile numbers than the ones you've found from the profiles of regular people.

If you confirm a profile, you should put it here.

Most of the following links are fakes; however, they are useful resources for pictures and fapping if you need to do that.

There are hundreds and dozens of fake Zoe Kimball Myspace. As a result, it is highly likely that Zoe does not even have a myspace account, or is hiding it, especially in light of recent events.

Although anon has done facebook searches, it is likely that Zoe does not have a facebook, or if she does, it is non-searchable.

http://www.facebook.com/s.php?q=Zoe+Kimball&init=q

As of Monday, May 12.

The growth of love for Zoe Kimball has started to spread to other chans. 12andUnderchan has an ongoing thread, and 7chan has intermittent threads. The greatest lulz threads are still, however, on the original /b/.

[edit] THE INTERNET WHITE KNIGHT

“	how do you know she's scared? does she tell you in bed while you comfort her with your manly embrace as you swear to guard her like the white knight you are?	„
—Anon

Recently there has been showings of several (or one) /b/tards standing up and realising that this is perverted and that they wish it to stop.

That is all so far.

This/these /b/tard(s) seems to have some connection with Zoe and could possibly be a friend or family member.

[edit] The Plan

At somepoint, someone actually came up with a long range vision... not very /b/.

>>67069590

This is how it should go down.

Step one, we recruit a young, underage b& anon to take her out to a mall date.

Two, maybe in the food court, AnonB& introduces Zoe to other Anon who meet up.

Three, Anon takes Zoe home and shows off /b/ and explains how it works, also getting a good name with Mom and Pop.

Four, /b/ gains Zoe's trust, to the point where she is a regular Femanon.

Five, tits.