Animu
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Animu (sometimes called anime, animé, Japanimation, and other things including "crap" or "foreign shit") are twisted cartoons made by Azns - most commonly, the equally twisted Japanese.
The main rule in creating a new animu is that the central plot must be fucked up in some strange meth-inspired way.
Animu is the #5 cause of furry tendencies (the first four being Disney, Don Bluth, Animaniacs and creepy Meatloaf power-ballads). You will always find a harem of scantily-clothed bunnygirls, catgirls, doggirls, piggirls, dickgirls or some other shit longing for teh buttsecks. There are practicallyno male anthros - even if there are, they play a small role as expendable side characters nobody ever remembers except for the gayest of the gay furfags.
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History
Animu was created by Satan as a tool for creating internet pedophiles. The fact His Infernal Majesty succeeded at this horrible task is a testimony to the total depravity and sin into which this planet has fallen. Once the Japanese got hold of animu technology in World War II, there was no stopping it. Now, thanks to the Interbutts, legions of kiddie-diddling male mouth-breathers walk the malls and school corridors of America, looking from beneath sweat-soaked cat ears to make your sweet little Suzie or Billy part of their sickening 2-D sexual scenario. And it's even worse in Japan, where animu has mutated into the nightmare of moe, in which grown men now pine for tiny girls with no tits the way their dads used to fap to Ursula Andress or Raquel Welch. Gross.
Though a common misconception, the first animu was not Astro-Boy; it was simply the first animu brought to North America. Astro Boy is the story of a young robot boy in a black rubber diaper and no other clothing, making him the gheyest super hero EVAR!! The plot is hugely reminiscent of Megaman, except that instead of trying to take over the world, the "Dr. Wily" character just wants to make Astroboy his son and rename him "Toby". Much robo-gayness ensues.
The actual "first animu" was Iron Man #28 (which is why so many mecha are in animu - it started with them) and was created in the early 60's, thanks to the influence of cartoons like Betty Boop and possibly a lot of acid. Yes, Virginia, this means that the Americunts and that fat bitch Betty Boop are responsible for the odd dinner plate-eye drawing style of animu, as they were basically only trying to copy us at the time. Of course, the tentacle rape and invisidick stuff is all their idea, so keep blaming them for that.
In the 1980s and 1990s, animu began to become popular in America, although still remained mostly "underground" (in a contradiction that illustrates how absurd the use of the word underground has become).
The "Artform"
Animu is often praised for its artistry and the high quality of the animation. It is often bagged for its incredibly convoluted and constantly repeated story lines (erroneously called "plots"), its high amount of violence, sex (including tentacle rape) and foreign values (like animal rights, sportsmanship, self-respect and filial duty), and its tendency to cause epileptic attacks in small children. Animu plots are often far-fetched, contrived and repetitive, quickly becoming boring and the "humour" quickly becoming unfunny to anyone who is not a brainwashed otaku with a negative IQ. Animu males are usually very skinny and effeminate (but with uber-fighting skills) with dumb social issues, or are very muscular and ugly (Japs seem to think they are the toughest street gangstas in the world). Animu females are usually busty, white, over-emotional and have eardrum-shattering high-pitched pre-adolescent voices because Japs whack off to the voices of little girls. Or the girls have a "deep voice" (what would be a normal adult female speaking voice outside of Japan) and have a dark, mysterious past or some shit. Animu is often praised by the 40 year old pedophile cunts that lurk on the Internets. Japan also plays this shit 24/7, so hurry up and pack your bags!
More recent animus are even gayer and have characters with eyes that literally take up more than half of their face and a nose that's impossible to see without a microscope. Of course, in typical animu, everyone can jump at least 100 feet in the air and punch through solid concrete-reinforced steel or swing a sword hard enough to create a tornado like Japs wish they could do in real life.
Despite the fact that most animus are supposed to take place in Japan, most animu characters look almost or completely White. This is because Japs hate the way they look and desperately desire to look normal. The evil gay gangstas are usually ugly and recognizably Asian or look like skinny bishounen but are still uber-powerful. Other Asian peeps that Japs don't like (like Chinese and Koreans) look Asian, wear stereotypical traditional clothing and are usually bad guys or just fugly.
Black people rarely exist in animu, and when they do, they usually look like something out of a banned Bugs Bunny cartoon from the 1950's. White Otakus excuse this by claiming that Japan is an isolated island with no knowledge of the outside world. This is of course total bullshit because Japan has uber-technology (just look at their giant humanoid robots) and most Japs have more access to teh Internets than Americans (as well as access to mind-numbing video games). IRL, Japs are a very racist people but still love everything Western, especially after their defeat in World War II. For some reason, in animu they seem to have a weird obsession with France. Of all the Western countries to be obsessed over, they choose FUCKING FRANCE.
They also refuse to call Japanese cartoons "cartoons" because this is an English word, and they have forgotten how to use it because of epileptic seizures induced by watching photosensitive-epilepsy triggers and eating those sugar-laden Choco-sawdust Sticks. However, they are excellent at enraging every normal person within earshot, simply by bullshitting about these unimportant aspects of Japan.
OMG Hot!
Animu chicks, with their irresistible giant eyes, piercing voices, oddly colored she-mullet hair, their lipless mouths, and their tendency to act like complete fucktards, have found themselves entering the wet dreams of many a lonely nerd, resulting in some even preferring animu ladies to RL females.
This is probably because animu bitches don't care if you're fat, greasy and masturbate to lolicon, they don't slap you in the face when you compliment their tits before even properly introducing yourself and they don't call the police when they find you in their room masturbating into their panties whilst holding your baby photos in their spare hand.
The ladies of the animu world don't care about such trivial matters of which we just mentioned, all they want to do is engage in deviant sex acts with you. In this way animu girls are very similar to the Russians.
Animu girls also have the amazing ability to materialize a massive bludgeoning weapon out of thin air and to yell "BAKA HENTAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" at an ear-splitting volume and beat the living shit out of the male protagonists in animu.
Moe
Moe is a Japanese slang word referring to a fetish or love for characters in animu, manga and video games. The word has come to be used as a general term for a hobby, enthusiasm, or a non-sexual fetish. Moe characters have appealing traits such as glasses, clumsiness, young age, cute dress, etc. All suitable characteristics for someone who is going to get raped. This is why they are included in many animus; authors like to create their show with as little effort as possible, as when a moe character is introduced all other qualities of the show can be thrown out the window, since animu fans only care about character development.
Chibi
The pinnacle of absolute faggotry and lack of imagination, Chibi is the offspring of worthless wapanese cockminds following a two step animé tutorial in order to feel clever and artistic. Also known as "Super-Hyper-Ultra-Deformed" (or simply super-deformed, SD), it is the bastardized version of the Japanese word "chiisai", which means "small." Otaku apply this term to pictures of animu characters with compacted, stubby little bodies and gigantic, oversized heads. Fangirls have yet to realize that no Japanese person over the age of 6 ever uses this term. Everyone on 4chan commonly fap to this shit due to its similarity to loli.
Chibi is responsible for creating the many otaku emoticons that have remained alive to this very day. It is also commonly used by the yaoi community to describe the uke in a relationship.
Fangirls and Fanboys
Animu has an enormous fandom worldwide consisting mostly of 16 year old girls, 13 year old boys, and 30-something basement-dweller males, and there are literally thousands of communities on LiveJournal devoted to this art form. Another site, Pisoga, is devoted entirely to animu and consists of hundreds of fans. Hardcore animu fans call themselves otakus, and spend most of their time masturbating to and making AMVs which they then upload to JewTube.
Most animu fans pretend to have a high knowledge of Japanese culture and language, though they have never been to Japan or even read a book about Japan, and can't even say the most popular Japanese words like "animu" correctly. They often attempt to use Japanese words (but at incorrect times, with the wrong meaning, the wrong conjugation, and the wrong pronunciation) and also pretend to like eating Japanese cuisine, which their knowledge of is limited to Pocky, sushi, and Raymond Noodles which they also cannot pronounce.
In some rare cases, a person can take animu in low doses, and still maintain some level of normalcy. A person who has been able to watch animu and still return from the brink may even maintain a healthy interest in Japanese culture without quoting shit from it incessantly, however, such a case is very rare. Fapping to anything animé is the point of no return.
No fans over the age of 12 will admit to ever having liked Dragon Ball Z, but every single animu fan in the world got hooked on Dragon Ball Z before they watched anything else.
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Japan Loves The Cock
Everyone in or from Japan loves animu. If you meet a Japanese person who doesn't breathe, eat and excrete animu than that person is not really Japanese. In Japan you are considered a geek if your room isn't filled with manga, animu VHS and lolicon posters. The large role animu plays in Japanese culture has lowered the country's standards a little and if you're on a holiday in Japan with your young prepubescent daughter and you see a man next to you be sure to punch him in the face repeatedly until he dies as that guy is probably wishing he could sprout tentacles and rape your daughter. Emos are also fond of watching animu as well, especially Pokémon as part of some gay ironic thing. It is not uncommon to stumble across an emo singing the Pokémon theme tune aloud, thinking he's the lulz and just being a general retard. It's people like these that makes ED thankful for AIDS.
Animu Genres
Note that some shows are listed under multiple genres. While one would expect that a show with multiple genres is more intricate, complex and interesting, each additional genre actually just compounds the fail already present.
- Action: Usually a bunch of half-naked sheep beating the crap out of each other until the world ends. Most plots revolve around some gay retard trying to take over the world. The hero spends the entire series slowly trying to increase his power level to 9,001 in order to defeat the enemy and prevent him from destroying the world.
- Examples: Bleach, Dragon Ball Z, Inuyasha, Naruto, Negima.
- Adventure: A group of kids or one kid going off on a "wild, wacky, and fun adventure!" OMFGZ!!!! Typically as idiotic as it sounds. You'd have more adventure if you spent the money you used on the animu DVD on mangos, rolled them onto the road to watch cars run over them and then got the fuck out when the police turned up.
- Drama: Plenty of character development, and complicated plot twists that you'd only watch if your mother lets you feel her boobs afterwards. Which she won't because she's fucking your grandfather.
- Examples: Ouran High School Host Club, Popotan, Love Hina, Galaxy Express 999.
- Horror: Uses religious and supernatural shit with plenty of guro to scare the lil' kiddies. Type of animu you'd see on Cartoon Network every weekday morning.
- Examples: Hellsing, Blood+, Trinity Blood, Vampire Hunter D, D Gray Man. (Notice a pattern here?)
- Humor: Have storylines devoted entirely to endless references to some other shitty animu or sexual harassment (the Japs call it 'fanservice' and seem to think that it is funny). Of course, there is nothing in animu that can be considered funny unless you're an animu fanboy or fangirl who gets wet over anything made by Japan.
- Example: Lucky Star, Azumanga Daioh, Gintama, BoBoBo-BoBoBoBo-BoBoBoBoBoBoobs
- Harem: An otaku's wet dream come true. The main character gets surrounded by dozens of hot bitches (and/or gay men and/or traps) who yearn for nothing but to get some booty. In each case, the main character is too much of a closeted-homosexual to take full advantage of the filthy, filthy sluts surrounding him or her. Often accompanied by excessive fanservice to compensate for the lack of original storylines. Famous for having roughly 52 episodes per season with the exact same plot.
- Examples: Love Hina, Ouran High School Host Club.
- Robot/Mecha: If you love deep plots then you will love GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! FUCK YEAH. Usually ends with the entire city being destroyed for great justice.
- Examples: Gundam Wing, Zoids, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Full Metal Panic, Gravion, GoDannar, Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040, Patlabor, Dominion Tank Police, Gurren Laggan.
- Science Fiction: Usually set in the future in which the city/nation/world was destroyed and rebuilt only to be destroyed again by robots, aliens, or a big fucking explosion. A rule of thumb is that for every sci-fi animu made, the number of alien rule 34 media that will be shat out of the tubes will exceed the number of points in the Dow Jones Industrial Average circa 2007.. Fight scenes feature futuristic weapons including light sabres and laser guns.
- Examples: Futurama, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, Gall Force.
- Shōjo: Wapanese for 'little girl'. This genre features more SOOO CUUUTE!!! Japanese merchandise than Kirk Johnson can fit inside his gaping asshole. Nobody dies and FUCKING EVERYTHING must look cute including the bad guys. Meaning it's basically a 12-to16-year-old girl's wet dream.
- Examples: Hamtaro, Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Digi Carrot.
- Shōnen: Wapanese for 'young boy'. These shows are aimed at 13-year old boys or so (seriously) - to be more specific, to any young boy who's just slightly over the most desirable age for Catholic priests and
Michael Jackson. Usually has little plot, plenty of heavy music and softcore hentai to feed their growing minds and shlongs. - Sports: Animu about sports, genius. Remains unpopular because most weeaboo are lazy and too overweight to engage in physical activity without having a heart attack.
- Examples: The Prince of Tennis and... uh...
- Psychological: Animu mind fuck. Tries to come off as deep and thought-provoking by using at least one metaphor per sentence in a pitiful attempt to sound philosophical. Very popular among the intellectual animu viewer because it acts very deep, however most normal people have long realized that the entire plot is bullshit.
- Examples: Death Note, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Akira.
- Religious: The animated equivalent of a Chick Tract.
- Example: Superbook - Commissioned by Pat Robertson in the late 70s. Yes, Pat Robertson was into animu before you even knew it existed.
- Educational: The moar you know!
- Examples: Hetalia
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Gallery of Typical Animu Cliché's
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See Also
External Links
- When animu created,there hentai,which pedo come everday
- To Animu fans animated pedophilia is AWW-RIGHTTT!
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Animu is part of a series on Anime. |
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