Chuck Norris

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

NB: Adding Chuck Norris Facts anywhere in ED is a bannable offense.

A Chuck Norris fact from 1986. Yeah, it's old meme.

Charles Norris (real name: Carlos Ray Norris) is a rather boring karate champion, a dedicated christfag, hairy bear, and star of Walker, Texas Ranger. Norris is also indirectly responsible for an old internet meme, and is a hero to many jock college students who haven't realized that their Chuck Norris jokes haven't been been humorous for years. He also supported obese nutjob Mike Huckabee in the 2008 presidential election.

Acting Career

For your enjoyment, we've provided a comprehensive look at Chuck Norris' film career in the 6 second clip below.

Chuck vs Stare Cat vs Bruce Lee.

With nothing more than his bare hands and keen intellect, Chuck Norris has killed, maimed, and brutalized hundreds of Hollywood careers. After his fight scene with Chuck Norris, martial arts legend Bruce Lee died. Jonathan Brandis, who starred in Norris' Sidekicks, was reduced to acting opposite a talking dolphin and became an hero when he was cut from Hart's War.

Chuck Norris Facts: The Old, Dead, Unfunny Meme

Chuck Norris Facts is a prototypical old meme that most people grudgingly like. Since Norris' old movies are based on the premise that he has a superhuman ability to kick dirty foreigner ass, the Facts exaggerate these lofty abilities to epic proportions. Years ago, there was a time everybody enjoyed Chuck Norris jokes. Me, you, and even ED itself. And as we look back on those times, we realize we were fucking retarded for ever doing so.

Chuck Norris' article at TOW once had the following trivia:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried. Ever.
Evolution is a lie, there's just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.

These facts were removed because the editor failed to cite his sources. As time went on, skeptical fucktards began adding fictional "Chuck Norris Facts" to their own lists, joined by bored housewives and sports fans that embraced this new and unfunny meme.

If you were expecting this article to be filled with Chuck Norris jokes, too fucking bad. If you really need to find some, just search The Google. Or kill yourself. Google can help you find advice on doing that, too.

Obligatory Examples

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin underneath his beard; just a giant pussy.
Before the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet to make sure Chuck Norris folded all the clothes correctly.
Chuck Norris won't suck your dick for money; he will gladly do it for free.
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups; he's too old.
Chuck Norris ruins every party he goes to because he is a born again Christian fundie.
When Chuck Norris endorses a presidential candidate, it's Mike Huckabee.
Evolution is a lie; there's just a list of animals Chuck Norris believes were created by our Lord God Almighty.
Chuck Norris once told Chuck Norris a Chuck Norris joke. But Chuck Norris didn't laugh. Because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.

Bruce Lee could kick Chuck Norris' ass.

Chuck Norris has a lawyer and is suing Penguin

Chuck Norris, understandably annoyed at being the subject of an unfunny meme, has hired an IRL lawyer and is suing publisher Penguin over a book they have published based on the meme.[1]

Chuck Norris "Facts"

“	Here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures god has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a god, a creator, who made you and me. We were made in his image, which separates us from all other creatures.	„
—Chuck Norris, refusing to reveal the species he will kill off next (furries).

“	There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris. If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.	„
—Chuck Norris, refusing to cry for cancer patients.