greets to the final bosses of internet: cromlech, aush0k, dshocker, atomiku, Romford trev, piddle, rolo, baz.

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Emo is a music fashion dumbass movement which requires followers to apply heavy eye-liner, wear overly tight jeans, dye their hair black (streaks optional!) and grow a long fringe to help warp their vision of the world. This warped fringe vision causes the wearer to insult people who are fucking depressed IRL by making a fad of feigning their own dire depression. Emo music consists of insane amounts of moaning about how great it is to wear the above mentioned eye-liner / fringe / black hair / tight jeans but how terrible it is that hawt emo girl X doesn't want to fuck you. Some emo songs deviate slightly, encouraging male listeners to "Ahhh, c'mon, FUCK A GUY!". Conclusive scientific evidence suggests that emos are more hated than black people, Jews, pig fuckers and your mom combined. All emos, without exception, belong to the Emocrat Party. They all suffer from severe narcisism, leading them to believe that they alone know what pain is, and that noone understands them. They all believe that their afliction could not be worse, that their life in their quiet suburban house house with their own television and computer in their room is the worst in the world. Emos have no ability to look around at the world around them, an ability probably hindered by their retarded hair. If they would, they'd realize that ethiopians have it much worse.

[edit] Origins

Emos have emerged due to large scale mix breeding of Scandinavians and Jews. For example, emos wear tight clothing due to the fact that they have sensitive, feminine skin passed down from Nordic women. They hide and want to be alone because they are too shy to contact anyone, which is partly contributed from the Jewish trait of fearing criticism. Also, they feel that their flaws are immediately visible from just their presence (another trait passed down from the Nords, who are very physical people).

If an emo is either:

• a) abused in his or her childhood. THINKS they were abused just because their parents got a divorce
• b) forced to work or do physical labor.
• c) spoken to firmly over the internet. or had their myspace poetry criticized
• d) compared to a Goth.

he or she will become more inclined to ending it all in a suicidal fashion. This was the case with one of the earliest true emos, Hitler.

[edit] Git 'em Young

“	sorry if you didn't know that 'cutting' yourself is BAD	„
—12 year old emo; how can she evar be hardcoar now?!

In an interesting trend, young teenagers have begun adopting the emo mantra as their new Jesus, even though they will nevar rarely cut themselves. They enjoy the thrill of straightening their rat's nest of hair and wearing tons of makeup to cover their pimple ridden pubescent faces. They take black-and-white pictures of themselves and define themselves as "misunderstood" on their MySpace, Facebook, LiveJournal, Friendster or Bebo pages. Their usernames usually consist of serious descriptions of how they truly feel and are usually encased in a variety of symbols e.g. xXDarknessSurroundsXx, ^^)MyAngelCries(^^, X+LoveLikeFire+X. Many think that turning emo will instantly turn them hawt.

The common path to emo generally follows these steps:

• 1. They have a happy cheerful carebear MySpace profile up until they're 12.
• 2. One of their fat friends gets depressed and makes an emo MySpace.
• 3. 12 year old friend sees this and goes OMG TAHTS SU KEWL!!11 and copies them.
• 4. They straighten their disgusting hair that they haven't washed in 3 months, put on a lot of makeup and take pictures.
• 5. Post with comments like "NOONE UNDERSTANDZ ME!!11 IM WEIGHTING 4 THE 1 4 ME!!!"
• 6. After getting a ton of attention saying "aww hunny dont wory im here 4 u :)", they start complaining about EVERYTHING.
• 7. Become an hero.
• 8. Repeat step 8
• 9. ????
• 10. Profit! NO FUCKING PROFIT!

Common complaints made by younger emos include:

• Just switched schools! Poor baby :(
• being stabbed in the back by a friend! Poor baby :(
• always feel alone! Poor baby :(
• my parents are probably going to get divorced! Poor baby :(
• we have hardly any money! Poor baby :(
• I hate my job! Poor baby :(
• keeping my friends in real life AND on the internet! Poor baby :(
• my parents want me to see a shrink because of my low self esteem! Poor baby :(

[edit] Benefits of Emo

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[edit] EmoTube (click to expand)

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[edit] Current Situation

The current incarnation of emo has basically replaced all other teenage culture (read gays and little/teenage girls who went crazy over the boybands) as the dominant one. The slightly faded "vintage" clothing and track suits are available at any mall and often displayed in tandem with the most mainstream wares. Because the accoutrements and garb are very easy and cheap to obtain, it makes the style accessible to you. In earlier times emo was a generally male-dominated subculture with very few females observed at shows and events (mostly because all present looked like girls anyway). Now, however, due to the ease of obtainment of the requisite style items, many females have become involved in the subculture. Please see the above photo for an illustration of a typical specimen. There may be no easily discernible differences between the standard teenager and someone involved in the emo scene.

Often, participants are referred to as "emo kids," "emofags," just "fags," or any combination of these. Rednecks often refer to the participants simply as "wrist-cuttin' hippies". Normal people often say that "emo" is short for "gay trannys that listen to bad music". Everyone else calls them "failures at life".

[edit] In Mexico

Emo is serious business in Mexico: "That the emos should die!" say the punketos.

“	Si tanto adoran sufrir, porque les molesta que los golpeen? no les encanta sufrir? (if they love suffering so much, why do they get pissed when someone beats them up? dont they love pain and suffering?).	„
—ANother mexican "Punketo"

[edit] Bel-Air Emos

Now this is a story all about how my
My life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I FUCKING CUT MYSELF WITH A RAZOR BLADE

In West Philadelphia born and raised
On the internet is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', postin' pictures of myself that I thought were all cool
And all cuttin' my wrist outside of the school
When a couple of chavs they were up to no good
Started makin' trouble in my neighbourhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
And said, "You're moving to a mental hospital in Bel-Air"

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was a bore
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. I'll cut myself more!"

I pulled up to the home about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabby, "my life is nothing!"
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the first emo of Bel-Air.

[edit] Typical Emo Ejaculation (click to expand)

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[edit] Are you emo?

Chances are that if you think you're emo, you're really either gay, a fucktard, Preston or some combination of the three. Followers of the emo cult are menaces to society and should be destroyed on sight (see school shooting). However, shooting emo kids on sight is rarely needed, for a proper verbal rape will lead to them to suicide (but not before posting about it on the internets). Thus, a conclusion is drawn that IRL trolling of emo kids leads to IRL and OL lulz. Listening to any of the below bands definitely categorises you as emo and it may become necessary to sacrifice yourself for the greater good of mankind.

Examples of Emo Bands:

• My Chemical Romance
• Panic! at the Disco
• Tokio Hotel
• Hawthorne Heights
• AFI
• Taking Back Sunday
• The Used
• Funeral for a Friend
• Fall Out Boy
• Green Day
• Bullet for my Valentine

Poseur Emo Bands: - too much fail to be real emo.

• The Get Up Kids
• Jawbreaker JEWbreaker amirite?
• Hot Water Music
• Rites of Spring
• Sunny Day Real State
• The Promise Ring
• Pedro the Lion
• Saves the Day
• Texas Is the Reason
• Cap'n Jazz

[edit] Emo Over The Ages

Emo has had a long history in many forms, from the early Beatniks (named after the constant beatings they would receive) to today's contemporary emo kids:

ERA:	EMO KIDS WERE:	DRUG OF CHOICE:
1920's	Flys	Shit, Dead Animals, sweat, Pot
1930's	Everybody	Hooch, Roadkill, Pot
1940's	Nazis	Hitler, little boys, Pot
1950's	Beatniks	Poetry, Bongo Drums, Pot
1960's	Hippies	Pot, Acid, Pot
1970's	Disco	Cocaine
1980's	New Romantics	Ecstasy, anal sex
1990's	Grunge	Heroin, Flannel, Starbucks Coffee
2000's	Emo	Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Nyquil, Morrissey
2010's	Young Republicans	Alcohol, Ann Coulter
2020's	Dead Republicans	Cyanide, Hydrogen Bombs

[edit] National Emo Kid Beatdown Day

Although emo kids have natural predators like pedophiles and Battle cats, their population was growing exponentially. Thankfully after the invention of the internets, there were e-mails sent around declaring emo hunting days, where 9 year old boys were told to beat up emo kids and possibly even kill them. Usually dates with some significance, e.g. 6/6/06, are chosen. Emo kid hunting is the only activity which unites jocks, stoners, wiggers, metalheads, cops, nerds, punks, geeks and goths. Emo kids try to take the fun out of kicking the crap out of them by repeating some gay song they heard on MTV TRL about buttsecks. Thankfully, this only results in negligible lulz loss. Emo hunting is legal in 48 states (and Puerto Rico as well as American Samoa, but not the U.S. Virgin Islands) and anywhere gay marriage isn't allowed. In the rest of the world, the beating and/or fatal pwnage of an emo is rapidly becoming compulsory, as the United Nations realize that they will never catch up with the US if they cannot raise their pwnage index by at least 100 percent.

Brent Richardson, native of Schnecksville PA, was the leading emo kid hunter in the country and had the largest collection of 'emo neckties' in the world. Sadly, Richardson became too ambitious and attempted to hunt during a Fall Out Boy concert where he was trampled to death. After the emo kids were escorted back home by their parents, the janitors recovered the body to find that his penis had been cut off. It is still missing, presumed taken by some emo motherfucker for God knows what sick purpose.

Two Knox County farmers have taken up Richardson's cause and have already herded several emos into a farm. They currently tour the country and display these emos to steer people away from their heinous beliefs. A police force dedicated to hunting emos was also formed in Denver, Colorado, with special dispensation to shoot emos on sight.

Many lulz and massive win ensued in march 2008 as anti-emo riots are raging all over Mexico.

[edit] Emo Kid Beatdown Day Videos (click to expand)

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[edit] Myspace Emo kids

MySpace is the primary breeding ground of pure gay emo faggotry. It is not yet known why so many people devote so much time looking at pure shit. Studies have shown that Tom, the founder of MySpace has PEDO POWERS that cause all 16-year-old girls to sign up to his site. It is obvious that these sort of sites would appeal to emos, as it lets them bleat on about how miserable their pampered fucking suburban lives are and expect people to actually give a shit. Although nothing has yet been proven, preliminary results show that Tom emits a special type of gamma ray that makes gay emo fag girls horny. Another theory is that Tom is Adolf Hitler, and that using MySpace is similar to wearing the Jew identification badges Hitler used.

Recently, MySpace has lost its credibility with the emos, and they have since flocked over to EmoScene.com (plz troll). It is your duty to follow the emos to this new site and show them they are a sheep following a silly trend.

[edit] Common Emo Behavior

• Crying.
• Taking self portrait pics.
• Having hair that is significantly longer in front and stupidly dyed.
• Cutting.
• Crying.
• Attending art school.
• Wearing pants that are TOO fucking tight.
• Being almost raped over nine thousand times, but never actually having sex.
• Threatening to become an hero but never following through.
• Writing trite poetry about misery and gloom.
• Crying.
• Saying "GET A FUCKING LIFE" when it is statistically proven that emo kids spend 30% of their time at the mall, 20% of their time crying like bitches, and the other 50% on MySpace.
• Diagnosing themselves with Asperger's syndrome. And probably being right.
• Crying.
• Getting eating disorders and bragging about it.
• Going to concerts and not moshing. It's called a "sit pit".
• Posting at The Cave of Dragonflies.
• Ruining every user-contributer-based website ever.
• Taking themselves more seriously than Wikipedia.
• Did we mention crying?
• Srsly jstfukndoit amirite?
• Under developed body and muscle due to daily over consumption of Bawls and other assorted energy drinks, sitting down all day refreshing MySpace page, leaving bulletins describing your tragic loneliness and utter despair that your parents have placed on you.
• Never shutting the fuck up about their problems.
• Obsessing over vampire freaks to the point of becoming a "xXLifestyleXx".

[edit] Emo is old news

Emo is nothing new. check these lyrics by popular chamberCORE composer John Dowland (1563-1626) who was very popular with the kids at least 100 years ago:

     Flow my tears fall from your springs,
     Exilded for euer : let mee mourne,
     Where nightes black bird hir sad infamy sings,
     There let mee liue forlorne.
    
     Downe vaine lightes shine you no more,
     No nightes are dark enough for those
     That in dispaire their lost fortuns deplore,
     Light doth but shame disclose.
    
     Neuer may my woes be relieued,
     Since pittie is fled,
     And teares and sighes and grones my wearie dayes
     Of all ioyes haue depriued.
    
     From the highest spire of contentment
     My fortune is throwne,
     And feare and griefe and paine for my deserts
     Are my hopes since hope is gone.
    
     Harke you shadowes that in darkness dwell,
     Learne to contemne light
     Happie happy they that in hell
     Feele not the worlds despite.

Note that he never mentions exactly why his life sucks so much. Uh-huh.

[edit] Curing the emo plague

Despite expending millions of the tax payers' dollars on researching the topic, scientists have yet to come up with an effective cure to Prozacus shouldatakus (commonly referred to as "emoitis"). The following suggestions have been made by various well-respected individuals in the medical field:

• Prozac.
• Death by blunt trauma, preferably delivered with a product from Hot Topic. For example, a "Hello Kitty" pencil case filled with bricks, rocks, or the world's tears. Don't worry about hurting them, emos aren't people. Besides, they're already feeling too much pain to be able to experience any more!
• Using razor blades as the vector for a drug-resistant, emo-targeting strain of tetanus. To save money on research and genetic engineering costs, the "emo-targeting" part doesn't really need to be implemented; emos are the only people who cut themselves. Alternatively, razor blades coated with an anticoagulant would work just as well. Remember, the fact that they're all already "bleeding their hearts out" will make them die from blood loss that much quicker!
• Shutting The Fuck Up.
• Suicide.
• Protracted nuclear bombardment of Fall Out Boy concerts, although you'd have to wrest control of the world's nuclear arsenals from the jews first.

Gallery of Emo

What every larval emo has on their Myspace Dubya has emo moments. An emo will pride itself on ridiculous hair. She likes to scissor! An emo in its larval stage Curing Emocephalitis. Emo: goth for pussies. Some emus are also emo.

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Emo girl cut her vagina. SRSLY... ? wow, can you even see through those things??? You're doin it wrong! How emo fags masturbate. ...At least he thinks he's sexy. Bean is just a little more depressed "then" others. Emo Internet Disease. They once were twins till along came emo... Old meme Emo nig. An example of an emo shirt from the shit ass emo movie A Nightmare Before Christmas. Wild Emo appears! Where's Waldo version. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Furremo. Emo hardcore to the max. True Emo. A Typical Emo Band. Their very own cereal! A safe alternative to cutting. An emo in denial about homosexuality. Emo gang. YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. Common emo ritual. Emo kids are sometimes as fat as they are gay. The same kid as before, only comtemplating why he'll die a virgin. Notice the all fat? The chin count is around 4. All Emos enjoy cutting as they are worthless. This Emo is also a wiccan. emo nigra. Typical gay emo boy. also gets all the ladies. Evidentially teh emo fags cry green. Slightly wigger in other pictures, this clown has furfag fetishes with a slight twist of emo. To fufill these addictions, it preys on MySpace by flooding pictures of itself, whoring for comments. A goth teaches an emo how to seppuku. Hooray for Darwin! Those damn azns... Tried drowning himself in a tar pit. Damn emo. Moar emo bulletins? Even the furries are getting emo! Hardcore Emo. Vegetables are emo too. Cut in the wrong fucking place. All emos are the same. Yes, emos can be black too. lol @ wannabe emo. h4x0r3d. h4x0r3d. sometimes an emo needs a good beating. 12 year olds like pretending to be emo. Biggest emo epic fail evar. Fat 12 year old emo. Why we kill 12 year olds before they turn into hardcoar emos. Real emos take pictures with Patrick from Spongebob. fat 25 year old emo. an emo in its early stage of development. Donald Duck is emo. Emos have taken the Weaboo's

[edit] Emo Poetry (click to expand)

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[edit] See Also

• Operation Jewtube
• Mixcds
• Emosexuality
• Hamlet
• Emogame
• Cross my heart with a knife
• National Emo Kid Beatdown Day
• WHEN_I_WAS
• Fbr trash
• The polar opposite of emo
• Emoscene.com
• Perfection dolls
• My Chemical Romance
• Cutting
• Scene

[edit] Moar Videos

• Ian MacKaye pwns Emo
• Video: Goth parodies Emo
• A typical emo song.
• What's this? Two 16 year old girls doing the emo song. A severe and disturbing case of hipster irony.
• I must be emo; an emo documentary
• Lol, emos
• An Emokiller
• High Priest of the Church of Noemo

[edit] External links

• A wicked fucked up Emo chicks gone wild website
• Official Website of Emo
• Emo hair and hairstyles
• Emo forums
• Emo Top 50, courtesy of last.fm
• Lame YTMND spin-off
• Emo Oil SRSLY.
• WATM is anti-emo and your mom.
• hippy emo cutting thread
• Misnathropik's xanga Fucking loser who has nothing to do except copy and paste these kinds of articles into her xanga. Troll plz.
• Ask Joe Emo Ask an Emo kid
• Good book with tons of methods in detail on how to kill yourself.
• Are you emo? The internet can help.
• How to go undercover/identify your target!
• The Anti-Emo Federation wants you!
• EMO, LEVEL 2!
• Violence against emos sweeps across Mexico
• Mexican emo fags
• Messicans hate emos?
• a good illustration of how emolove works.