Fat
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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A word that describes you, Anonymous, and about 95% of all LiveJournal; actually, about 95% of all on the internets. Also, one who cannot fit into MRIs. Fat people are abominations, the filthiest eye-sores known to mankind, they deserve to be slaughtered like the pigs they are and roasted on a spit to feed the starving people they stole life-saving food from the mouths of. A fatty is without exception angry, bitter, and cynical. They like to eat, talk trash with their fat friends, eat, act petty, eat in secret, cry about how this shallow and materialistic world is so unjust to their kind, and most importantly, eat while crying. Although in some cases, there are people who are naturally born fat. And even then, there is sometimes a solution.
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Fat Mentality
Fat people possess fat mentality, which subscribes to the following assumptions (and their rebuttals):
- Yes, it is. You never put down that box of twinkies
- Because I am fat, I can be a bitch.
- No, even if your body dosen't drive people away, your attitude will.
- If I'm a bitch and people don't like me, it's because I am fat, and they are racists.
- Nobody likes a fatty. Seriously. Unless they put out and leave. And since when is being fat a race?
- Real women have curves.
- Curves ≠ balloons of fat.
- Marilyn Monroe was a size sixteen.
- She was actually a size 8, 5'5", and weighed roughly 112 lbs-- putting her at a BMI of 21, overweight being 25. The size 16 myth was circulated by fatties, to feel better about their own lard asses. Weight notwithstanding, Marilyn Monroe was hot, you are ugly.
- once you go fat you never go back
- yeah back to the fat bitch!!!!
- Like fashion designers.
- I am a victim.
- No, you are a fat whore, and nobody forced you to eat so damn much.
- You must change the airplane seats to fit my enormous fat ass.
- If you stopped eating so much, you wouldn't have that problem in the first place. Or, stop being a jew and pay for the bigger first class seats. Oh wait, the plane's still grounded cos you're so FUCKING HUGE!
- I deserve a free electric mobility cart because Twinkies aren't a choice.
- You deserve a push down a flight of stairs.
- I have had sex with over 100 men from bars, I must be
hota whore.
- Beer makes everybody look better, honey.
- "Baby Got Back" was about fat women.
- No, women with great asses, the song you're thinking of is "Fat bottomed girls" by Queen, or maybe "Big Women" By GBH.
- More cushion for the pushing.
- I do not want to wonder if I am fucking your pussy or your sweaty folds.
- It's better than being uncomfortably overweight.
- Same thing, you stupid blubbernaut.
- If you find me unattractive, you're fat-phobic.
- I find you disgustingly repulsive, as does the rest of the normal human populace.
- If you don't like my "womanly" body, you're a pedophile.
- Maybe, but can you discern the age differences between a fat ass child and a fat ass adult? I think not.
- Despite knowing the answer, I always ask if these pants make my butt look big.
- Stop asking that same god damn question every single time, it's not the pants, it's your ass.
Some say that the fat mentality is the main reason fat people are unattractive. This is a lie. Fat people are unattractive because they are a bloated mockery of the human form and they reek because they can't reach to clean in between all the rolls.
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Obesity and Oral Sex
It should be noted that fat chicks give great head. Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry, but caution must be taken. In cases of too much enthusiasm, a fat woman may take ejaculation as the time to bite and swallow anything in her mouth. This is also because they are accustomed to putting large amounts of food in their mouths at all times, and crave hot meaty sticks shoved down their gullets. Furthermoar, due to natural selection, fat chicks often lack a gag reflex, enabling them to easily unhinge their gaping jaws and swallow objects many times the size of their own, already enormous heads. It should be obvious that any fat chick with a working gag reflex has a built-in solution to her problem of being fat! Fat chicks who do not give great head are probably fat dykes. Research is inconclusive regarding fat men and cunnilingus. For information on fat men and fellatio, please see gay.
How Fat People Should be Treated
Written at least 100 years ago by Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence states that all people are created equal. However, fatties are not people, and besides, who cares what a slave fucker like Thomas Jefferson says, amirite? Therefore, mass extermination of fatties is recommended and even encouraged by God himself as laid forth in the Bible in that part about flamethrowers.Since fat people are the world's greatest abomination, the only thing they deserve is to be pwned in the electric chair... then again they can't fit their Russian sized asses into the electric chair, but just like any fucking Jew, they should be put in genocide, incinerated in gas rooms and bukkaked they way Hitler did when he pwned the Jews. See Holocaust
Do it for great justice, and for the lulz.
What Happens When Fatties Are Enraged
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As you can clearly see, fat people are known to refrain from physical action because, well, it's action; and action is exercise which is against fat people's morals. Instead, they make really loud unnecessary noises and threats they know they are too lazy to carry out as well as an array of feral, guttural noises even more savage sounding than Helen Keller before Anne Sullivan taught her to sign. Approach with caution; earplugs are mandatory when approaching these not-so-gentle giants.
Weight Loss Advice for Fatties
- Become An Hero.
- Stop eating.
- Throw up.
- Stop eating.
- Eat less.
- Stop eating.
- Cut off both of your legs.
- Stop eating.
- Slit your... oh wait you don't have a neck.
- Stop eating
- Stop participating in the Olive Garden tradition.
- Stop eating.
- Quit IRL.
- Stop eating.
- Cut off your head.
- Stop eating
- Masturbate with your bite - sized dick
- Stop eating
- Do a fucking pushup.
- Stop eating.
- Remove any of your useless organs, presumably your stomach, brain... better yet your heart
- Stop eating
- Post noodz on BBWChan.
- Stop eating.
- Go on Dr. Phil.
- Stop eating.
- Get rejected by pro-ana/pro-mia LiveJournal groups.
- Stop eating.
- Sue McDonald's.
- Stop eating.
- Eat less.
- Stop eating.
- Pay some guy to Tell you to stop eating
- Take a lot of diet pills.
- Stop eating.
- Don't put lardy shit like jam on everything, a whole chicken is enough as it is.
- Stop eating.
- When going to a buffet, the term "all you can eat" IS NOT A CHALLENGE.
- Stop eating.
- Get liposuction.
- Stop eating.
- Try drinking water instead of deep fried milkshake, just because it has a banana in it doesn't mean its healthy.
- Stop eating.
- Have celery instead of a sheet cake when you want a snack.
- Stop eating.
- Consume sustenance less frequently
- Stop eating.
- You may find this enjoyable. Let's face it, you're never gonna get laid anyway.
- Stop Eating
- Eat less.
- Stop Eating
- Eat raw meat, get a tape worm.
- Stop Eating
- Go on the Biggest Loser (But you'll proably eat that too!)
- Did we mention stop eating?
- Stop Eating
- Srsly: Stop eating.
- STOP BEING FAT.
It worked in Changi and it worked for Ghandi.
Euphemisms
Fat women will never refer to themselves as "fat". They will use other, gentler words to describe their disgusting obesity. If you hear a hippoglotamus use any of the following words to describe his or herself, please correct them:
Heavy
Fat girls will often describe other fat girls as heavy (or heavyset). Example:
- Fatty: "Excuse me, but did you see a heavy woman here?"
- Normal person: "Hey, I'm looking for this stupid fat bitch, was she here?" (This is correct.)
Note: Do not confuse with "top heavy", which means huge boobs. (See Scarlet.)
Chubby
A chubby is a fat girl who thinks she is proportionate. In reality, chub scouts are not proportionate. The problem with the adjective "chubby" that sets it apart from the other euphemisms is that fat girls who describe themselves as "chubby" are in total denial of their fatness.
The following exchange is not uncommon with a fat girl:
- Normal person: "Wow, you're fat."
- Fatty: "No I'm not, I'm chubby."
Note: Truly proportionate girls are top heavy (see above) and callipygous.
Curvy
Fat women like to justify their lard filled asses by saying that they are curvy or voluptuous as opposed to fat. This is a brazen fucking lie. Fat feminazi whores believe that they are equal in hawtness to Bettie Page or Sophia Loren, because of their tit sizes. This is not true, as curvy women are actually attractive. Any fatass who does this is only lying to herself and deserves to burn in a fire. It just confuses people to the point where women are offended by men who call them "curvy" because of the fat fucks using the term to describe themselves, when men are actually giving them a compliment.
A similar incident happened on the hit TV show I Love New York, but no one really gave a shit, because she is an ugly negress who looks like a goddamn plastic Muppet. The results of said offensive comment were somewhat lulzy.Healthy
A word that is being ruined by fat woman much as "curvy" was. Something so obvious shouldn't have to be spelled out, but here goes: a five foot tall woman who weighs 100 pounds is "healthy". A five foot tall woman who weighs 200 pounds is a beluga.
BBW
BBW stands for "Big Beautiful Woman",other more appropriate translations for this acronym are "Bulbous Beastly Whore", "Bloated Beached Whale", or "Big Bulging Waistline". Fat women think they can get away with calling themselves "beautiful" if they qualify it with "big". This is not true. BBWs are also eatbeasts, who happen to have seven chins coated in pickle juice. BBW is also the term preferred by so-called FAs, or fat admirers. The act of trying to locate these Moby Dick's is known as Hoggin. Extremely fat women (like "Stuck-in-the-bathtub" fat)call themselves "Super Sized Big Beautiful Women". From an actual FA, SSBBW is technically a term given to a lady who is over three hundred and fifty pounds in weight, or 159.1 kilograms for those of us `cross the pond.
Rubenesque
Often found in personal ads or used by fatties attempting to "take pride" in their fatness. Peter Paul Rubens was a 16/17th century painter. Many of his paintings show women with fat rolls, exaggerated ass cleavage and cellulite ripples. To be fair, the original painter used oil-based paints, so they are quite blurry, thus hiding the cellulite for the most part.
Bear
This is what fat hairy men like to be called, if they are gay and most likely closet fur-fags. The whole Bear scene reeks of rotten ass. While at one point hailed as an alternative to gay body fascism, it's now just another money-making label for homo. Being fat doesn't give immunity to AIDS, but it does ward off non-BBW's. Hence, gay.
Big-Boned
This euphemism is used by both sexes to make the fact that they are such colossal lardasses seem like a natural phenomenon, and completely beyond their control, by insinuating that they have very large bones. It is most often used in defense of ones monolithic proportions, but unfortunately for those that use this euphemism nobody buys this bullshit. (PROTIP: Offer to pay for an all you can eat buffet for them if they can prove they are big-boned by going to a doctor for an X-ray.)
Whale
A Whale is a derogatory term for a fat girl or woman. See also Fat whore. Whales are generally considered good at giving blowjobs. They have to, or else they would never get any cock. They also swallow since they are always hungry. Sex with whales is usually known as whale hunting. A common sub-variety of whale is the Welfare whale.
Real Beauty
A self contradictory euphemism that in theory can be used by any ugly but entitled-feeling woman to describe herself. It is mainly used, however, by overweight women who have convinced themselves that the media is to blame for other people's disgust with their rippling blubber. Such women will often evoke the squat and chimplike America Ferrera as a typical real beauty.
Other
- Eggplant-shaped
- Full-figured
- Thick
- Mammoth
- Dancing Owen
- Ballrus
Appropriate Names for the Fat
These names are totally appropriate and are considered the correct way to address persons in the fat community. These should constantly be used in conversations with these people.
These include, but aren't limited to:
- Lard Ass
- Tuba Luba
- Aisle Blocker
- Hawg
- Crisco Kid
- House Cow
- Gluttinus Maximus
- The Blob, part 2
- Anna Nicole Smith
- Blubbernaut
- Chub Scout
- Fatty Boombalatty
- Buffet King/Queen
- Kim Kardashian's ass
- Swamp Donkey
- Ground Sloth
- Butterball
- Vitellius
- Omega Mu
- Hippoglottamus
- Sumo Boy
- Hambeast
- I only pretend to be your friend because no one else will
The list goes on and on!
And the greatest complimentary title in the fat world:
- Pork Beast
Solutions For the Fatass (Discussed More Rigorously)
Note: These not only consist of solutions to make a fatass drop all that fucking weight, but this list also includes way that a fatass can cope with their outcast status.
Note To fatasses: If you are reading this part then you have already accepted the fact (more like Fatct amirite? that you are a freakishly giant piece of shit who is too fat to fit in your own house and this section will address you as such.
BUY A FUCKING TREADMILL YOU GIANT HULKING BITCH!!
Buying a treadmill can actually provide some mild exercise and can significantly cut down some of that human repellant hanging off the sides of your body. For a more efficient exercise buy one of those stair treadmill things. If you can afford thousands of boxes of twinkies a day, you can afford a fucking treadmill.
Put that Appetite to Good Use
There are several eating competitions that actually encourage you to eat your food out (DO U C WHAT I DID THAR?). Just watch Man V. Food. You'll find plenty of eating challenges that shouldn't be any problem for you fattass types to complete. You blow them away with no problem and might even become an hero.
Liposuction
You fattasses want to loose weight with no effort correct? THEN FUCKING WAKE UP!!! GET LIPO!!! ITS SAFE AND QUICK! JUST DO IT! MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE FORE EVERYONE!!!
Suicide
While frowned upon by Catholics and other religious sects, this is a relatively effective way of separating yourself from the countless insults of your normal peers. The method is simple
- Go to medicine Drawer
- Pull out several prescription and OTC medications.
- Open them all and drop all the pills into a large mug. Slather some liquid medications on top.
- Pretend that all of the pills are a small twinkie.
- Eat all of it. You're good at that.
- ???
- Profit
- Hell. Enjoy it, fatass.
Know that You DO Deserve all the Shit you get
You feel like an outcast because of all the insults you get. Well guest what: YOU ARE. When people insult you, they are actually doing you a favor and telling you that is is time for a (big (lol (jk(HA! Not really!!)))) change. They are not being rude. You are. You are polluting our eyes with you horrible, beach ball like appearance. Next time you get called a fat fucking cunt, Get the message and do something about it (and by that I do NOT mean shove an entire refrigerator of Caek into your mouth).
Throw Up
Another solution is to meet every fatass's best friend, Mr Pukey! Stick your finger down your throat and feel all around. It shouldn't be hard for you considering you fatasses have no neck whatsoevar. Also, Do it in front of a toilet. We dont want to be polluted by your fat slurge. Also, it may discourage You from just lapping it bag up again like a dog.
JUST FUCKING ACCEPT IT!!
One thing that annoys normal people about fatasses is that you just wont accept that fact that you are all too big to fit in a swimming pool. One thing that would make it much easier for normal people to cope with you is for you to stop fooling youself and just accept that fact that you are NOT chubby, you are NOT a BBW, you are NOT curvy, you are sure as FUCK not healthy, and you are NOT big boned. YOU ARE FUCKING FAT!!
STOP FUCKING EATING!!!
ITS SIMPLE!!! PUT DOWN THE GOD DAMN TWINKIES!!! GO ON A FUCKING DIET!!! CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH BEFORE YOU STUFF A NORMAL PERSONS WEEKS WORTH OF FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH!!
Chubby Chaser
A chubby chaser is someone who loves "chubby" girls only. Many Chubby Chasers choose to live in blissful denial that there is anything '"perverse" or indeed "unnatural" about the desire to copulate with giant wobbling grease-coated fatsacks. In fact, some have even been known to be seen in public with their hyperfleshed darlings. However, in 2004, sexpert Yosuf Sindinchilchrun of the University of Newcastle, U.K. carried out extensive studies and identified Chubby Chasing as "worse than being ghey, since even gheys don't feel the need to bring fat people home to meet their suicidally ashamed parents."
See also: FA; Sick fuck, ByAppointmentTo
Chubby Chaser's Theme Song
Health Problems Associated with Obesity
Obesity is a huge health hazard. Out of all the obesity-related diseases, the top one is Eyeburn, which comes from looking at fat people naked. Since people can't control their weight (thanks to jobs that make them sit down all day), obese people must shut their eyes real tight when they are naked and near a mirror or they will become ill.
Occasionally, being fat can cause mental health problems, such as insanity (see Shay). This is the only possible explanation for why this video even exists. It can also present other brain-related problems, such as loss of coordination, as in the tragic case of the Grape Lady.
The final disease suffered by fatties is the dreaded Diabeetus, which prevents them from eating the sugary junk food for which they live.
When you try to be fat to fast
Secret Fatty
Sometimes abbreviated as "SIF" for "Secret Internet Fatty". A secret fatty is a person who takes photos with the camera angled from above to hide their girth from the camera. Secret fatties are heavily afflicted by the internet disease. For more information on techniques used by secret fatties, see article on fat girl angle shot. to view an example, look at missalyssum
Fat Sports
There have been many fat sports but only a few of them are amusing.
1. COMPETITIVE EATING
2. EATING BABIES.
3. EATING Dissected-chan
4. MOAR DOUBLE-CHIN CONTEST: for the benefit of Chin-chan
5. FUGLIEST FAT-ANGLE SHOT COMPETITION
6. DEEPEST FAT VAGOO CONTEST
7. LONGEST STRETCH MARKS LEAGUE
8. THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE!!!
9. Masturbation Race
Reactions to this article
As with most of the content on Encyclopædia Dramatica, this page has caused quite a few angry reactions and lulzy rants from butthurt readers. And since the offended party in this case is comprised of fatasses, it makes everything just a little bit lulzier. For examples of the aforementioned whining, see this article's talk page.
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Final Thoughts
| —The Truth |
Seriously... BURN (YOUR FAT) IN HELL!!!!!
Fat Related Articles
- Man The Harpoons
- FA/FFA
- Fat Acceptance Movement
- Pro-Ana
- American
- BBWchan
- BBW Porn Sites
- Fat Chicks in Party Hats
- Food pyramid
- Pregnophile
- Krispy Kreme
- Hogging
- WisCon
- Tammi Reynolds
- Epic fat guy
- Oprah Winfrey
- Girlvinyl
- Hottie32
- Tim Russert
- Paula Deen
- Tori Sue Heck
- Elgorgo
- Tubcat
- Fat Princess - Goddammit, Sony.
- Mario
- Wario
- Shay - Warning: do not read while eating.
- Anyone whose page is tagged with {{fat}}.
- For a more complete list of fat people, please see appropriate section in MRI.
Fat External Links
- Fat porn (at 7898chan) is only a click away [1]
- It figures - Leonard Nimroy is a chubby chaser!
- Fat loss for idiots.
- Fat woman bites off boyfriend's tongue during a kiss.
- Fat gives you cancer.
- Non-fat turncoat bitches trying to make fat people out to be something other than subhuman. In England, they are known as The Cancer That's Killing Society.
- A place where hambeasts intentionally become even more fat and show themselves off.
- beware all ye who enter.
- [2] Where fat people go for support... and cake.
 Fat is part of a series on articles which are the subject of retarded edit wars | Beware all ye who tread here
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Fat is part of a series on Diseases and Disorders. |
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