Furry
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ THEY GOT TIRED OF PLAYING SOLO |
If furries were firm-bodied 19-year-old girls with nice tits in bunny suits and a preference for the better race, there'd be no need for an ED article and we'd be too busy to write one. Unfortunately, furries are the opposite.
Furries are the scum of the Earth, and the surest candidates for dying alone. The furry fandom will accept ANYONE (mostly pedophiles), and hence attracts the worst and most pathetic people in the world. Furries are so ugly that they make Brian Peppers look attractive, so stupid that they make aspies vigorously deny being them because they're the only thing stupider than them, and pathetic beyond compare. FAIL doesn't even begin to encompass how bad furries have done in life.
To put furfaggotry in perspective, furries are to animals what Larpers are to medieval faggotry, and the differences are sometimes very subtle. Larpers are at least willing to admit what they do is all in pretense, whereas some furs actually believe that they are their fursonas. Furfags have gone as far as raising their kids as furs, although instinctively the children realize their parents are different and ultimately reject it. Thus proving that there is some hope for the human race.
The above text was relentlessly spammed all over 4chan by somebody who was deep in denial. What follows is the truth about furries, delivered from a completely neutral viewpoint.
Furries (neutral version) Furries are people who like to fap to animals. The majority of the internet hates them because they won't stay in fchan and myspace, and continue to annoy the internet with un-hawt prons. Most furries are the annoying kind who piss everyone off by acting like animals with personas. They obviously do not realize the first rule of porn (not the internet).
- 1: PORN IS PORN
As simple as this fundamental law is, it is continually ignored by most (if not all) furries. Futafags, footfags, and all the other types of fetishes are not hated for this one reason. Futafags and footfags and shotafags and everyone else don't try to make their fetish anything else. furries do. everyone hates them because of this.
What is this sickfuckery?
What's most disturbing are the intricate full-body suits (known as fagsuits) that every furry will eventually steal from another furry and most will only spawn moar furries while wearing them, often while using tickling furshampoo. Furry artwork tends to depict severely disturbing, overtly monstrous interspecies relationships. Many furfags claim to be born that way but they're actually just delusional and chose to be furry to fit in with someone, because every other subculture rejected them for good obvious reasons. Packetgrinder theorized that most furfags are simply run-of-the-mill fags who are too grotesque to convince others to have anal sex with them unless their flabby zit-covered bodies are completely cloaked in a 50/50 cotton-poly tiger costume. However, it should be noted that after a hard night of drinking, a young woman in Santa Cruz was convinced to actually let a Furry stick his zit-ridden cock in her vagina. Fortunately, she came to her senses once he began to make cat noises, and left the son-of-a-bitch with blue balls. After battling the psychological trauma from the ordeal, she committed suicide a month later. Although the furry went on to claim more unfortunate victims, he ended up dead after trying to carry out a vore fantasy involving a fox, a cow, and one very unlucky chicken.
Some furfags claim that they have no sexual interest whatsoever, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a dog suit when no one else is watching. This is a lie since all furfags are drawn to sexual perversity regardless of their species. Furfags only say this kind of thing when they are threatened with death or when they find new victims for "surprise yiff". Just to be on the safe side, if a furfag ever tells you they're celibate, you should castrate them to ensure their celibacy.
Furfags claim that their "furfaggotry" is an innate part of themselves. Sometimes they claim it's a "totem animal" in order to give themselves the same legitimacy that druids have in D&D. Sometimes they claim that they were actually an animal in a previous life, and have been reincarnated. Sometimes they claim that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE a lycanthrope, who can magically transform into a real, actual animal. Usually it's the other way around and that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE an actual animal with the magical ability to turn into a socially maladjusted loser and get stuck that way for the rest of their miserable lives. Unfortunately, they continue to shun and reject the guaranteed cure for their condition which is of course, an hero. They are absolutely of no use whatsoever.
The innate natures or totem animals or whatever delusional justification they provide almost always (99.9999% of the time) take the form of an animal that is either cute (rabbits, mice, woodchucks, etc), dangerous (lions, tigers and bears, oh my!), or rife with dark symbolism (wolves, snakes and ravens). Naturally, these traits are rarely possessed by the furfag's "human nature". Furfags who claim less flashy species (such as banana slugs or an anchovies) as their totem animals are almost non-existent, but only because they haven't found a way to anthropomorphize them for their sick sexual fantasies...yet. In fact, the only known exceptions are the furfags who deliberately chose a non-standard totem animal so they could (A) be socially-maladjusted outsiders even within the Furry community (and if that doesn't make you flinch, nothing will); and (B) say "NUH-UH" to anybody who makes the observation outlined in this paragraph.
These faggots also got the 100m GET, which proves that furries truly are the cancer that is killing /b/.
Recruitment
This is what happens when kids are raised on a diet of Disney cartoons that depict animals with love interests are constantly told to play with talking teddy bears, or watch Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, and that shitty cartoon animal Robin Hood movie (while we're on the subject, ANY of furfag-fanbased Don Bluth's first 5 "movies") to severe excess. The furry subculture can also be viewed as the product of an unholy miscegenation of hick and nerd culture, much like how HIV is thought to have developed as a result of humans fucking chimpanzees, because animal fucking is a popular hick pastime and anime is a staple of nerd civilization.
Despite opinion that it's the internet that creates furries, furries existed and still exist even without the internet. Through movies, cartoons, Halloween costumes, toys, games, and other things that parents innocently expose their children to, children develop an interest in furry. So, furries tend to develop before being exposed to the internet, though it is only when exposed to the internet that they realize "OMG! THERE'RE OTHERS LIKE ME!".
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Furry Art
Some furries claim they're just in it for the art. But as we know, the "art" is a mere way for furries to lure their victims into a trap, where the victim will be mind raped until he/ she submits to the furry faggots. True or not, many furries consider themselves "artists". Naturally, their "art" runs the gamut of things that wouldn't pass muster in a 4th grade class to things that make you wonder why they're wasting their time in Furry.
Deceptions
Of course, this is exactly what they want you to think: that they're just a bunch of artists. The reality is much worse. In real life, furries have two traits, that they'll try to cover up as best they can, but are always present: they're sad, pathetic losers, and they do horrible things.
Quite a few furries harbor a gigantic persecution complex because of this, and they will often explode into brick-shitting, BAAWWWWWWWing rages when called out on their bullshit by other, more jaded furries who are well aware that their fandom is nothing more than a gigantic collection of shitty smut cobbled together by hormonal 16-year-old who have taken maybe one art class and draw horribly detailed cocks on uninspired, trite designs of the creatures furries love so much. Naturally, all this art is highly prized amongst furries, with mediocre artists charging upwards of $60 USD for one badly sketched line drawing.
Furs will often shell out large amounts of jewgold to multiple artists at a time so that their laughably bad pornography is mass-produced and displayed as quickly as possible, in the hopes that the masses will jerk their smegma-laden cocks and finger their shitty assholes to their hyper-cocked wolf-taur fucking another creature in the ass with one of their dicks. This leads to their characters being featured in more works of smut from other artists (see examples DoralLizard, Zig Zag, ShowKaizer, Aurenn, Roxikat to name a few examples).
The following is a lengthy rant from one furry that perfectly embodies their nature of deception. Typical to most attempts to rationalize being a furry, the rant is full of circular logic, hypocrisy, unwarranted self importance, and just about every logical fallacy you can name. The author directly mentioned ED and appears to have a dislike of this site, from his previous rantings. If you can't notice, the furry community also has a huge ego to try and cover up the fact that they are pathetic losers and only have a life on the internets.
| —TL;DR From below text. |
Since I'm already shitting my whole fucking life down the toilet, I decided in my infinite wisdom tonight to finally let loose on the forums here and tell you all how I really fucking think, and it's so funny you'll fucking shit yourself like I almost did 3 times today because I've got FUCKING BLOODY DIARRHEA LOL.
First up on the chopping block, I'm smarter than you. No way, it's true. Due to the law of averages, the vast majority of people reading this are probably ready to rebuke me in some funny way which will make me laugh greatly, but the fact is it's true. Why? I don't need no fuckin' statistics, I just am. I aced high school, I aced college, and I'm acing my whole life right now. I'm running circles around my entire editorial board at my newspaper, and my faggot boss knows I'm smarter than her, but she's a skinny whiny Jew who thinks she knows better than everybody because she comes from Kansas and reads The New York Times. Fuck that. I'm the only one keeping that goddamn piece of shit rag in business and she fucking knows it, which is why she felt threatened by me today and decided to ream me out for the headlines I write at night: BAWWWW they're too fucking inaccurate! They're too fucking inappropriate! Fucking little whore.
Second up, hunters have no fucking rights. If you're a hunter, fuck you. If you've ever killed an animal just for the shit of it, fuck you. The only thing you savages have the right to do is the right to remain silent while the police arrest you for murder. Yes, murder. In these modern times we live in, what some like to call the 21st century, we as a species have evolved past the need for senseless barbarism like the kind of bullshit you assholes pull when you get liquored up and go kill Bambi. You know what? Nature can take care of itself, it has for millions of years. It doesn't need us fucking it up by hiding behind that bullshit reason of "population control". Yeah, I got your fucking population control right here. It's called kill the hunters. An eye for an eye. Capital punishment for capital murder. I consider the murder of animals to be on equal footing with the murder of humans. "Well Nightweaver, what about plants? They have feelings too baww baww baww. What about when you hit a deer/raccoon/squirrel with your car? What about stomping on insects?" You know what I'm fucking talking about you pieces of shit. Stop muddling the argument with your goddamn straw man bull. I don't need reams of scientific data to back up what I'm saying...KILLING IS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. Did you know that the vast majority of hunters in the U.S. are big fat neckbeards and rednecks, probably like the kind who post on this forum? It's true. Try going to India with that stupid "animals are lower than humans" shit you speciesist faggot, see how far you get before somebody runs your ass over. And don't try that bullshit that "we need them for food, we need them for research, we need them for clothing, we need them for this, we need them for that..." It doesn't hold any fucking water with me anymore, not that it ever really did. This is the same species which just mapped the human genome a few years ago; it's time for us to crawl out of the caveman macho bullshit days and get with the program. Yes I think I can make things better by yelling at you, so shut up. Yes I'm a member of PETA, so shut up. If I was less lazy and actually owned one, I'd take my gun and go out and hunt the hunters. I'd kill every one of you arrogant speciesist bastards I could find. Same goes for you meat-eaters. Hey asshole, I've thrived for 15 years on no meat, now it's YOUR turn to try it out. Or are you too pussy? Yeah that's what I thought, goddamn bunch of pussies who are too scared to go vegan. My conscience is clear, what about yours? Hm? You don't mind they're killed in horrible ways in slaughterhouses? You ENJOY watching them die? Then you're the worst kind of scum, lower even than child molesters. I spit on your fetid corpse.
Finally (because I know you people are having OH SO MUCH FUN copying this into your ED entry on me), I DROP THE BIG BOMB! I'm into sex with animals! HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK. Guess what, it's kind of been skirted around in everything I've said about the topic anyway, but I support enormous animal penises in my mouth. Yes that's right, let's go there. OH SISTER! I will admit I've never actually tried it on any animal, but I would love to. I can hear someone now "Wow what a fucking hypocrite that he says he loves animals but wants to raep them lolololololoololol" Let me get one thing straight faggot: Pleasuring an animal sexually and raping them are two different things, and if you don't know the difference then you shouldn't be trying it in the first place. Do you think your dog likes getting fucking blue balls because there's no pussy for him? THAT'S ABUSE. THAT'S RAEP. Letting your poor pet suffer in silence because of a lack of sexual gratification. So OK, we got dogs covered, and it's different with all animals and some are NOT designed for us, so you better stay the fuck away from them. But honestly, do you think that horse hates having his dick rubbed if he's standing there and thrusting his hips at you? Believe me pal, if that horse didn't want you there, you'd have a busted jaw or broken neck already from a hoof to the face. So those are the two most obvious examples of animals I would like to pleasure; it's amazing how fast everyone's going to misinterpret this post and read into this that I'm some SICK FUCK who you can't let near your children. That's amazing, those people should win a fucking Nobel Prize for their stupidity. I'm about as benign a guy as you'll ever find, but here's what I can't get over: I'm in this fandom, furry fandom see, and its artists draw a LOT of dog cocks and a LOT of horse cocks and I'm like W-T-F? We love to see art of this shit but try soooo hard to deny to ourselves that it's just fantasy? Fuck you, slap yourself into reality. YOU'RE LOOKING AT DOG COCK AND GETTING OFF TO IT. Whether its drawn or not, you can't claim that you're not "into" animal sex. People just LOVE to make fun of us, zoophiles, bestialists, faggots, scum, whatever they call us. It's one big self-assuring joke apparently for humanity to delude itself into thinking that we're so much superior to lower animals that we cannot have sex with them. Interspecies sex is common in the wild, and yes I'm aware of the apparent hypocrisy between that and what I just said about hunting. "Animals hunt but we can't , but we can fuck them? Derpa derpa derp." Well guess what? We've domesticated all these species, and we are responsible for them. We're responsible for their care. Sometimes these poor beasts can't get off the way they want to, because of the physical restrictions we place on them by separating the sexes and so forth. So we should be able to masturbate them at least if they're horny and have no other outlet! I'd sign up to do it; I'd be at the fucking head of the line for that shit. Giant horse dick in my mouth? DO WANT!
| —Furry on being a social leper. |
The Truth About Furries (in video format!!)
Animal Planet Examines Furries
| Disturbing to some? Some??? |
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Previous Video | Next Video |
Furries in Commercial Media
Off to the furpile!
As Tang is to American astronauts, Orangina is to French and Spanish furries.
A closet furfag rapes a cow shoe
Girl swears in disgust after witnessing the sex crime.
Monty Python on furfags
Horrible
If they were just pathetic, like nerds, they could mostly be passed over without much of a thought, and maybe even pitied. But in addition to being failures at life, their minds are constantly thinking of more perverted things to do, which show up not only in their REAL art (the kind they put in a separate folders and tag with so many warnings you wonder why they put it OL on the first place), but in the things they do IRL.
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Furry Retaliation
Obviously, furfags are a blight on the world. They sit around in their suits skullfucking each other whilst making weird animal noises and drawing art that even your mother wouldn't love.
All furfags need to be rounded up and herded into camps, where they will be forced to build cheap TVs for the poor 20 hours a day. What they do for the other 4 hours is up to them. While they'll inevitably die of exhaustion, the survivors should have no problems consuming the bodies, as it's one of their fetishes, lulz.
Remember, just like witches and homosexuals, if you do not dedicate your life to end the existence of furries, you are one of them.
Hence, the appropriate WH40K copypasta regarding the correct mindset when dealing with furries:
| —Anonymous, on furries. |
Proper methods for dealing with furfags:
| KILL IT WITH FIRE | |||||||
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Girl Furries
All furries are male. However, it may seen that there are female furries. In truth, there are no female furries, but only ones that are just guys acting like girls, or girls who were forced at dickpoint.
Remember:
- Rule 30 still holds.
- Pictures aren't real. A picture of a female furry doesn't necessarily mean a female furry exist anywhere but a furry's mind.
- Adobe® Photoshop® does marvelous work.
- Some women will briefly dress as furries to please their man. Putting on cat paws to please a furry doesn't necessarily make one a furry.
- It's a trap!
Of the remaining few that are actually female and actually furry:
- They're
almostalways fat and ugly. - They're
almostalways dykes. - They
tend tolook like the girl on the right.
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Wikipedia Drama
Since furry existence revolves around WikiEdit Drama, many of Wikipedia's admins are furfags, such as: ContiE, Fennec, Furrykef, Loganberry, Wiki alf, and Wwwwolf - all of whom are the same person. There is also Krishva, who insists her childhood was destroyed forevar by furries and has made it her lifelong goal in life to make sure that web sites such as Wikipedia, are as accurate (read: white-washed) as possible. This involved making approximately eleventy gazillion edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that didn't fulfill her need for alpha-wolf dominance, also the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles.
Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry Fandom" in the first place is one of the many infinitesimally trivial points being bickered about by Krishva in the various articles' talk pages. Why? Because certain furfags want to deny that furry has anything to do with sex. There is one yiff pic in existence that doesn't resemble this and they put it on their yiff article. Obsessively denying the relation between sex and furfags on wikipedia is likely the result of furry-style castration.
Even Those Who Don't Know, Know
Picked this up on a chat on deviantART, dude hit the nail right on the fucking head
<J-SPOKE> I was wondering about some of the chatrooms.
<Platinus> stay away from anything with furry in the title
<Platinus> unless that's your thing
<aoi-hoshi> xD
<J-SPOKE> ???
<J-SPOKE> What does that mean?
<J-SPOKE> "furry"
<aoi-hoshi> J-SPOKE: Ignorance is bliss, my friend.
<J-SPOKE> Is it like gay dudes who are really hairy or something?
Hating Furries
As any regular reader of ED knows, a lot of the stuff on here is a joke, designed to be laughed at. This section is not like that in any way. This is totally, 100% serious. See? I didn't even link to serious business when I said serious, that shows how serious I'm being here. Now that it's established that I'm not joking around, I need you to pay very, very close attention to what I am about to say: It is absolutely okay for you to hate furries. Hell, hatred of furries should be goddamn encouraged. They are whiney, twisted, victim complex asshats who don't know enough to keep their creepy fetish to themselves. I'm not saying you should actively sniff them out and attack them, because if they are keeping it to themselves then they deserve as much privacy as you do with your BDSM shotacon foot fetish. What I'm saying is that the next time you see someone wearing part of a fursuit, or defending the furry lifestyle in public, or you find someone who uses a furry last name on face book or some shit (you'll know it when you hear/read it, believe me), do the world a favour and shoot them in the fucking face. They deserve it.
Furries and Youtube
It should be noted that YouTube is full of furries as well. You will find many furry accounts there. Warning: Do not visit their channels or you will be forced to endure massive brain damage. You have been warned.
And now, here's a furfag making a fool of himself:
Quotes
| —Furfag on free speech and Godwin's law |
| —Furfag on bestiality |
See Also
- Draconic
- FurrMetalAlchemist
- StarCadet
- Fursecution
- Otherkin
- Pokémon
- Explosiv22
- Jesskitt
- DarkNekogami
- ZEN
- Dr. Comet
- Mushi Crosshairs
YouTube Furry Videos
- Bunch of Russian furries kicks shit out of random guys
- Even Weird Al likes Furries!
- Furries fighting
- Jerry Springer exposing furfags to white trash.
- In an attempt to give furfags equal standing, a daring interspecies romance was made public.
- An accurate description of furries, even though it is a soviet barney influence peice of trash
- Furries and You!
- Documentary on the furry fandom in Vancouver.
- Short segment on BBC (mentions yiffing).
- Commercial furry
- Three Part Documentary. Many lulz.
- Saving the Furry Fandom with METAL, skip to the 2:20 mark for max lulz
- Asian Furries all look the same.
- The Everlasting Snowmew (Christoph Naumova)
- Furry documentary from 1969.
External Links
- For those who want to hate on furries and keep up their crunk image
- Typical Furry
- OH LAWD THEY'RE COMING
- The Furry version of Facebook, with lots of yiffing.
- Alternate Furry Facebook for furries too scared of fursecution to get their fapping material at such a public place.
- Furry tutorial. Partly FTL, partly serious.
- Furry version of 4Chan
- Furry version of 4Chan
- Furry version of 4Chan. What can you say, they love chans.
- Find out what sick fuck of a furry you would be
- a UNIDRAGRYPHOENIX!!! So creative,right???
- Sign the petition to get rid of furries on 4chan.
- Furries eating berries
- If you have an Amazon.com account, flame the fuck out of this book now.
- Guide to better yiffing.
- confurvatives Are you sexually attracted to cartoon animals?Do you have a really punchable face? And are you an arrogant, rich, right wing bigot who thinks you should be afforded tolerance and respect while having nothing but bitterness, intolerance and hatred for your fellow man? Then confurvatives is the community for you!
- A definitive test as to how much of a furry you are. - Should be taken after every encounter with the furry menace.
For the love of God, PLEASE TROLL ASAP!
- The Love Song of J. Sprocket Fursuit
- The Internet's Premier Furry/Scalie Community. Yes they call themselves that.
- Furry forum you can troll
- deviantART
- Portal of Evil: Among other things, it shows the worst of furry pages
- furfags before the internet circa 1963
- Furnies
- Often shows the psychological implications of furfags.
- San Francisco furfags
- Furries: The other white meat
- Furry Wiki (WIKI VANDALISM? YES PLEASE) now so butthurt they blicked tor exit nodes
- [1] PROOF OF THEIR EVIL LINEAGE
- And nothing of value was lost
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Furry is part of a series on Furfaggotry |
| Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
Furry  |
Vampires • Humanoids • Reptiles • The Rest • See Also
Don Henrie
• Jonathon the Impaler
• Sanguinarius
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