Israel
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Israel (Hebrew: ישראל Arabic: فلسطين ) is an illegal settlement of Jews in the Middle East. As the USA's 51st state, Israel (aka The Promised Land and Zionistan) is Murka's BFF in an otherwise hostile Moslem sandnigger infested region of the world.
Founded after World War 2 by Britfag trolls eager to unload the worthless sandbox they owned from prior world domination, the idea was to placate Hitler's leftover butthurt whiners by giving them their own country. The plans also included putting them in a 'bad neighbourhood' where -it was hoped- like niggers in a Georgia trailer park, they would be easily plucked out and lynched from Burning Bushes.
Unfortunately, the worthless dump was already occupied with its native population, the Palestinians. And they'd put a fair amount of work into the dump. So when all these pesky Jews got off the Führer Fun Bus and started throwing their weight around like they owned the joint, claiming it had been promised to them way before the Holocaust in an old work of fiction called The Bible, the natives grew restless and started pushing back. Since the jews had come bearing arms instead of the customary Arabic gift of alms, shit started jumping off. The logic behind it is pretty much as if future Objectivists claimed a probably Mexican-infested Manhattan because their zombie leader likes concrete phalli.
And so began the birth of a nation -like America- founded upon the massacre, subjugation and 'relocation' of an indigenous people. Ever since, it's been nothing but trolling IRL, butthurt, pwning and drama, with Israel continuing to push the limits of its borders and expanding into traditional Arab territory like the West Bank, the Gaza Strip and the Golan Heights and the Arab world trying to push back the kike scourge.
To prevent this, Israeli sharpshooters always aim for the arms when putting down Arab intifada lynch mobs. Due to the fact that Slurpee machines require two hands to operate properly, no 7-11 stores exist in all of Israel. Their loss.
However, enterprising Jewish businessmen have begun funding the production of machines capable of turning Palestinian babies into Slurpees. This is in full accordance to international law, as Palestinians do not share the same rights as humans. The Jew kikes of Israel control 75% of the worlds money, not for investing purposes though, they just like the smell of it. Vast quantities of money is also needed to buy the gold they wear around their neck known as Jew gold.
Jews sayes, that Israel is for stupid. Smart jews emigrate to USA and Cana'ada. After all, all jew shNobel prise winners are from Europa or North America. Jew country of Israel is culturaly backward. Jew lack of imagination is so total, that all Israel sport teams are eather named Hapoel or Maccabi.
As one would expect of a Jewish state, Israel is the most overtly criminal nation in the world. The Jews there are constantly involved in wanton mass-murder of their Arab neighbors, engaging in such lulz as indiscriminate war crimes involving use of banned weapons in densely-populated areas, as thoroughly documented by testimonies from their own soldiers, which some argue is a result of decades of mass fapping to Holocaust Porn, causing the Chosen People to internalize an eroticized narrative of genocide and act out their own Holocaust fantasies onto their poor and hapless Palestinian and Lebanese neighbors.
Teh Jews also have to chop off teh cocks. Therefore causing 65% of kikes to die alone. This increases their love for Jew gold and raping teh Terrorists with their bulldozers.
Contents |
Foreign Policy
Israeli foreign policy is pretty simple: "Not my fault! I'm the victim! How dare you critise us you Holocaust denying sandnigger-lovers!"
Repeat that ten times, then rinse and repeat.
Israelis have a strong sense of victimhood dating back many thousands of years when the Egyptian Pharaoh gave Moses an ultimatum: stop yer freaking Jewish whining or go somewhere else. Faced with this important choice, the Jewish people decided to go somewhere else where they could maintain their whining tradition and ended up in Jerusalem, the hip place to be for all pretentious whiners during that point in human history.
Despite having the most powerful military in the Middle East, including the latest American military technology, tanks, helicopter gunships and nuclear weapons, Israel still thinks it's the victim when it sends an Apache gunship to buttfuck a Palestinian neighbourhood into submission for throwing a few loose rocks at an Abrams tank.
Anyone who critices Israel is automatically assumed to be a Holocaust denying fuck who wants to eradicate Jews from planet Earth. This is offensive because it states the obvious. The most pressing question facing the UN is how to nuke both the Jews and Sandniggers at the same time to resolve the conflict and ensure both parties feel the solution was even-handed. After 50 years, the rest of the world just wants to get back to fapping to porn in peace.
Current Events
- Recently, Israel has been trying to provide Jewenstine, the mascot and god of the Heebs, with some more Lebensraum in the Lebanon. Much pwnage has occurred.
- Last Thursday, Israel waged war on Lebanon's international airport, causing major delays.
- For at least 100 years, organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah have been blowing themselves up because they are attention whores.
- Jews did Beirut as performance art to protest Holocaust denial -and for the lulz- after they fell hard for the classic Hezbollah troll of kidnapping IDF soldier boys.
Education
The education system in Israel based on money. Like everything controlled by Jews. First of all, the teachers get paid each one 10% of the official goverment's money once a year. Sounds too much right? No. The Israeli goverment, infact, is like a bank - you can't take without losing it twice later. Thus, the teachers get paid one year about 1000000 Shekels (500 Dollar), and in return they have to pay 1200000 back to the goverment. So, the teachers, who want to keep living goodly (like all Jews), have to work in whatever job they can. As a result, they aren't able to teach properly, and the whole education system fail. Like everything involved with money that the Jews control. In the 70's and 80's, many proud Jewish teachers came to Israel for work, but as they didn't want to be tricked by the goverment and actually lose money, they decided not to take the plane to Israel and instad fly to Jewmerica and the Jewnited kingdom. Therefore, the Israelis lost most of the good teachers, and were forced to send their children to military and Mizrahi schools. Qestion: how low does the teacher in Israel paid? Answer: lower than the Dead Sea. These days, the Israeli goverment is trying to help the teacher in teaching, but they aren't doing so well: ever wondered how a Jewish bully looks like? In Israel, about 90% of kids are religious, uneducated, culture-less creatures. Wherever you go in Israel, you will find zilions of religious-militant 17 years olds walking on the streets with turn apart clothes, gold coins and knives made of broken Vodka bottles. Yep, Jews in Israel are violent beasts, Nazi-hearted with hate against Gentiles, especcially against Christfags and Arabs. In Israel, the teachers are like the friends of the students: they teach you, play with you, and clean your house (unless some Palestinian does). As the religious control the whole system, teaching about sex or evolution is illegal in Israel. Parents are allowed to do whatever they want to the teachers, as long as the goverment doesn't need to pay for it, so together with their kids, parents go and beat the crap out of teachers who fail their kids at tests. As a result, the education system is based on "if you'll pay me I'll give you 100, if you'll not pay me it's 55". But never lower than 55. If you're an Oriental teacher, you are allowed to say whatever you want about Ashkenazis. If you're a female teacher, you're allowed to right whatever you want about man (but you aren't allowed to talk, because the rabbis get a boner when they hear you). Sometimes, the children massacre the teachers, but this isn't too common, because they have to pay for the bullets. Israel's education system is not-surprisingly the lowest in the universe. The teachers would teach you lies, and how to make money, and that IDF is God's chosen army, but they won't teach you anything important. After all this, there is one good thing comes out of this system - the woman become religious whores. And, it's very hard to teach if you can't see the class because of your big nose.
Early History and the Father of The Sate
The land now called Ysrl by the jews has been aknowledged to exist for almoast 600 years when the mighty Ottomans passed by the dumpsite en route to invade Northern Africa. The earliest scientifically recorded inhabitation of the area is by an Arab gang named "The Dirty Phillistines".
By the XIX century a self-loathing German Jew (two wrongs never make right) by the name of Teddy Herzl was cutting his wrists about being Jewish, and German (Austrian, the worst kind of German) while thinking of a Final Solution to his terrible problem. Naturally he approached the Catholic Church. When he realized that sipping wine and eating some matza-like cookie resembled a lot a Shabbat Dinner, and could not cure his facial and nasal protuberances, he laid the foundations for the obliteration of Judaism. He would sneakely change the Jew's identity and lure him into calling himself a Zionist and founding a new Hebrew Nazi State in some backwater ditch. He chose 'Dirty Phillistiya' because the typical Jew would find its atmosphere quiet settling.
In 1917 the Americans were paid a lot of money by Bankers to save the Britfags' arses, against the Britfag promiss of capturing some stretch of gravel in the Ottoman Empire where brainwashed jews could fuck around; eventually succeeding and ensuring almoast a century of lulz and counting.
Actual Quotes of the Father of Israel
| —Adolf Hitler: father of Israel & closet Jew |
| —Theodor Herzl |
| —Theodor Herzl |
| —Theodor Herzl |
| —Theodor Herzl |
Recent History
When the Allies advanced towards Berlin in the late 1944, they discovered the horrifying truth of Hitler's pet project in the German extermination camps. Millions of Jews, suffering from diseases, barely walking from hunger and malnutrition, humiliated beyond human by their torturers, but - and here comes the horrifying part - still alive, poured out of gates of Auschwitz, Birkenau and other places. Something needed to be done about it because they didn't want those heebs ending up in America somehow.
Fortunately, the Nazis's original plans included the deportation of the remaining European jewry to the land of the filthy philistines, the ones too retarded to pose any military threat to the civilized world - the Sand Niggers. So most of the Jews were sent to Palestine, and the Western World hoped that four hundred million Arabs would quickly push four hundred thousand Jews for Jesus into the sea once the Poms left the area.
Unfortunately, the stupidity of the Arabs was severely underestimated, resulting in epic fail. This led to establishment of a Jew state for the first time in at least 100 years. Thus, in solving the Jew problem, we are basically back to square one.
The premature decision to invade Germany before Hitler could finish his conceptual art project -turning all jews into lampshades- and subsequent underestimation of how retarded Arabs were, made Roosevelt die from guilt, and ruined Churchill's career after the war. Stalin was the honourable leader who had been pwning jews even before the fuehrer; however because Communism itself is a lie invented by the jews and russians were too stupid to take it as a joke, they had to spend more time fixing the malfunctioning soviet system, rather than cleansing the Jews. So the kikey population of the second world managed to survive the cold war. Some argue that the Cold War was a direct result of Western Allies and the Soviet Union blaming each other for not fully actualizing the Final Solution. This strife naturally fueled the rebirth of the Jew economic conspiracy. Some gleam of hope arised again in 1979 when the New Aryans took over some shitty country, now within range of Eretz Israel - AKA Auschwitz IV, the Final Selektion (Auschwitz III, Monowitz, was partially operational when the stupid Commies went head over heels on the Eastern Front).
Military policy
Although killing sandnigger Shitlamists is always funny, Israel sort of ruined all of the lulz due to Semitic faggotry and unlimited access to sum hutt Muslim-genocide action. If a toothless Arab peasant-ass from nowhere fires over 9,000 fireworks on some shitty Jew colony in the possession of crippled jam-producers the Israel military is immediately obliged to smash-fuck the shit out of every terrorist boy-lover on Gaza with 1337 tank rockets 4nd 35g4 1n1=4n7ryx. This of course is not even remotely fair since all their precious jewgolds come from the Americunt government, which in turn only gets nigger-riots and a reliable ally, that at the slightest sign of danger will eat their own children along with everyone they swore allegiance to.
Unlike Zionist conspirators in Europe, U.S.A., everywhere - the Israelis are obliged to show extreme force at any given chance as mentioned above. Whether this is because ghettos used to oppress rat-folk are their natural habitat or that they are just so comfortable with the whole world behind their back is a matter of debate. What is known however is that this lulzy fagnocide will go on forever or until the Arab species are extinct along with the state of Israel and everyone will go home and have a good hearty laugh about it. If nukular lolocaust fails however see Catnarok.
The Israeli military are known to have one rule of engagement and one rule only- They never violate the same corpse twice.
Confession of the obvious
It is to be noted that most Jews don't live in Israel, and most Israelis would love to emigrate. However being unpatriotic is illegal in Israel, while not screaming your support for Israel makes you a bad jew everywhere else in the World in the eyes of the Hives' Elders who control our future financial security. Accordingly, about 100% of Jews silently fantasize about the sweet morning when mushroom clouds will illuminate the Promised Land, ridding everyone from its annoying existence.
Israel Palestine: Peace Pwned
Never trust a giant lizard or an Israeli:
Israel and flame wars
If you get involved in a flame war relating to the Israeli-Palestine conflict and want some Zionists on your side, consider inviting the following people:
Gallery
| Jewllery | |||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||
|
External links
| The United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
|---|---|
| States | Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | Delaware | Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine | Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire | New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island | South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennessee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming |
| Not a state yet | Australia | Canada | China | Cuba | District of Columbia | Iraq | Israel | Japan | Latin America | Philippines | United Kingdom | Vietnam |
