Italy
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Italy is a small boot-shaped country in Mexico, and is pathetic member of the EU that is occasionally allowed a seat at very big tables to discuss shit nobody cares about. The only reason for this is that President Mario is one mean fucking plumber and also tried to save Britain’s Princess Diana from being trolled by Royal Family. Currently, the country is experiencing massive unrest due to an alleged rigged election in which Luigi was nominated the new President. Having that dipshit elected provoked within the Italians a similar reaction as the election of a nigger (that wasn’t Morgan Freeman) did to honest, ordinary Americans. Generally, Italians are greasy,brown and smelly and spend their days cooking pasta and ordering pizza. Before his relocation to Latin America last Thursday, the Pope lived in a bin in Rome.
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History
Italians, also known as wops, wogs, dagos, guineas, and greaseballs, are descendants of Ancient Romans, Arabs sandniggers, and gypsies. However, although the Roman Empire was both powerful and respected and the gypsies know how to cause lulz, modern-day Italy is neither. When Italians aren't too busy teaching the world the joys of anal and oral sex or raving about how proud they are to be Italian, they engage in a trivial pursuit to happiness through Catholicism. They are solely responsible for the atrocious mess that is DeviantART, with their history of pompous art movements. Italy is also famed hated for it's fashion and, last but definitely not least, The Godfather parts 1 & 2 (disregard 3).
After becoming increasing bored of their own borders, Italians moved from an agricultural lifestyle of fucking sheep in their own country to slowly invading and spreading across Northern and South America and Australia. Their goal in these countries was to impregnate American and Australian women with their greasy, greasy seeds, thus securing (in a short amount of time) their control over all the illegal activities of those countries, second only to Mexicans.
Italy has a history of fascism. During World War II, Italians sided with Hitler's Nazi regime and the Italian people were hapless servants to their own personal dictator, Benito Mussolini. When WWII ended Mussolini was properly pwned when his own people hung him from a lamp post.
Now a "democratic country", the Italian government is based on corruption, devotion to the Catholic Church and personal wealth and interest.
Demographics
Italy's midget population, whose record height is of 1.30 meters (i.e. 4'), comprises mostly of people with the names Mario, Luigi, Antonio, Marco, Francesco, Danilo, Giovanni, Alessio, Michele, Roberto, Carlo, Franco and Andrea. Note that most names that elsewhere are feminine, like Andrea, Michele, Daniele or Simone, are used by males in Italy. Italians are only allowed to read one book in their lives (Dante's Divine Comedy, the first and last book written by an Italian) since Italian scientists proved that reading non-Italian books damages Italian cultural cohesion and that Catholics aren't allowed to read the Bible. Surprisingly, Italy is also home to an unrestricted emo scene, as the Italian sect of the MySpace site clearly shows a great density of scene kids, straight edge kids and punks. Since Italians can only speak local dialects, their tribes fall short of LiveJournal accounts in English.
Language
The Italian language is Neolatin, so it is known to be antiquated, inefficient and retarded. As a consequence of so much conditioning with a florid language, Italian-speakers are generally less intelligent than English-speakers. This is evidenced by the fact that the Italian government can never come to consensus with their highly fictionalized excuse for a parliament. Something that should be pointed out among Italians OL is that they can be split in two categories: the Internet Tough Guys and the ones that don't know the internets existed before they signed in to some retarded forum.
Culture
Notable Italian cultural highlights include:
- Tower of Pisa: a leaning tower that somehow has managed to not fall for centuries, despite the rest of the world hoping for its demise. The fact that it's still standing indicates that the Jews have not discovered it yet.
- Pizza: the staple food of basement dwellers and Wiki editors.
- Gondola: Venice's idea of a boat. Kept alive only to scam white trash and Japanese tourists (200 Euros just to ride on it for twenty minutes!).
- Mafia: look behind you. No, srsly.
- Capuchin Catacombs of Palermo: a shrine of death.
- Spreading Sexually Transmitted Disease: being devout Catholics, the Italians still prefer sex without a condom. Can you blame them?
- The Pope: he resides in a little state inside the city of Vatican and avoids paying taxes. When questioned about that, he unleashes the brutal force of his Swiss Guard and elderly Italian women to silence the petitioner. The current pope is Darth Benedict.
Football
Just kidding! Not the REAL football, where you get to literally rape the shit outta any other player on the field (even if they are on your team). No this is soccer and its something the Italians are VERY proud of (troll for instant lulz) but also something no one likes them for because of their incredible diving skills that won them the World Cup!!
Food
Many claim that the food of Italy is the best in the world, and most likely was invented at the Olive Garden. This is simply not true. The reality is that most of the food made or associated with Italy is made from stolen pot from African-Americans. This creates a euphoric effect, much like ham.
Italian food can be used to:
- Get laid.
- Please a superior at work, if they invite themselves to your house.
- Cure homosexuality.
- Apply to the anus for a fairly sufficient anal lubricant.
The grease within Italian food has been linked to the increase in autism. Instead of Italians noticing this trend, Chef Tony continues to release official statements (because you know he's actually from Italy) that deny these claims. He then adds "buy my new shit" and spits at the news interviewers.
Facts
- All Italians are mobsters.
- All Italians have greasy hair.
- All Italians are at least distantly related to someone who is in the Mafia.
- All Italians idolize American Jew culture.
- All Italians think that Mariah Carey is a talented artist.
- All Italians deserve rule 34, NO EXCEPTION. (There are some exceptions)
- All Italians carry pistols in 2 different holsters.
Environmental Concerns
 Streets of Typical Wop City (Napoli). |
 Wop city. |
 Wop city. |
 (Ir)responsible Wop family in the streets of Napoli. |
Economy
Italy's GDP is made up almost entirely of Pope souvenirs and hardcore pornography; Aria Giovanni alone accounts for at least 50% of Italy's GDP, while another consistent 49% is generated by Rocco Siffredi. Other notable incomes derive from extortion, racketeering and money laundering, something the Swiss aren't too happy about, since they thought they had the exclusive rights for these activities. It's absolutely legal for a politician in Italy to have other business + the wage they get as ministers, no matter if the rest of the wop people are eating their own shoes for lunch and dinner.
Italian Americans
Guidos, despite not being Italian or even human, mistakenly believe themselves to be descendants of the first Italian heroic model, Aeneas. Despite speaking no Italian whatsoever (apart from 'Oogatz' which isn't even a word, but a derivation from 'Il Cazzo' translated as 'The Dick', accustomed to the sexual and gastronomic desires of Italians), and believing the pinnacle of Italian cuisine to be a meatball sandwich, they still cling to this pseudo-history. They enjoy swearing, haircuts and huffing Axe body spray.
Many families left Italy in the 1940s on boats or megazords in hopes of opening pizzerias in the United States. Instead they raised a generation of tanned olive oil guzzling assholes who, to this day, populate America's club scene. It should be noted that today in New York City, home of the first Italian-American family, all the pizzerias are now owned by Mexicans or Mr. Jeff Goldblum. Some come to America just to play guitar e.g. Satriani and Petrucci.
The Italian Chan
Diochan, aka Pastachan, is the only existing chan in Italian. And it sucks.
Galleria Italiano Greaseball
 Typical Italian imitation of Cockmongler. |
 The height of Italian fashion. |
 Your average Italian: short, chubby, and filthy. Hygiene is not in their vocabulary. |
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 Italy's godfather about to smack Putin's pet chihuahua in the muzzle |
 Contrary to popular opinion, not all Italians like Pasta. |
 An Italian scientist working on his magnum opus |
WogTube
Greaseballs.
See Also
