Juliana Wetmore
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| For more information on Mutants, see Warhammer 40,000. |
| Warning!:  Read on at your own risk of His Inquisition. May the Emperor grant you grace, bold one. |
When most parents have a baby, they spend months dreaming about what their bundle of joy will look like. Will she look like mom? Will he have dad's eyes? His mother's nose? His uncle's cock in his hand at the age of three? But for one local Navy family, the birth of their daughter didn't give them the answers to those questions. Their daughter Juliana (moar like JEWliana,amirite?) was born without a face. Her birth defect is called Treacher Collins Syndrome. Doctors say it's the worst case they've ever seen. She has cost the taxpayers 3 million dollars, something that undoubtedly would enrage Hitler. Little Juliana is missing 30 - 40 percent of the bones in her face, so she can't bite down if you decide to rape her in the mouth (if for some reason you would want to).
Contents |
Juliana's Rise to Stardom
Image macros featuring Juliana have been floating around the internets for at least 100 years, but only recently has she reached stardom after being featured on a SomethingAwful article.
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| Warning!: All mutants are sinful, victims of their corruption, and are blasphemous to the Emperor. |
Invasions
It is common knowledge that /b/tards lack any conscience whatsoever. So it is common sense that they'd pounce on such a prime opportunity to lol at the poor, unfortunate, attention whoring parents of Juliana - and what better method than to simply rock up on a Saturday night, feeling all right, BITCH! and spam the shit out of the guestbook? You fucking bet:
Anonymous decided that they needed to lend some moral support to the poor family, and they cast anonymous aside like a bastard son.
Rage
One enraged /b/tard who was repressing his anger or his negative emotions wrote a lovely story on /b/ about his supposed experience with Wetmore. A few reposts were made, but it didn't take off. Said 'pasta goes like this:
"I was alone with Juliana, and I pulled out my baseball bat and chased her into a corner. As Treachtards cannot scream or make any kind of noise or communication apart from sign language, I knew that she was pretty fucked. Tapping the bat on my palm, I grinned manically at her, and I think she might have looked at me in horror, but I think it was hard to tell. Advancing upon the helpless freak, I quickly charge forward, bellowing a horrible war cry, and swing the bat across her head. CRUNCH! POP! SPLAT! It was amazing. The crunch was the impact of the raw force of my bat smashing into her head, and the pop was the noise of her brain flying through the hole I had made on the other side of her head. It splattered against the wall. I pick it up and shove pieces of it in her dead eyes. I then have every Treacher Collins mongoloid cloned several hundred times, and I start a wonderfully successful band where the only instruments are the varying sounds of people smashing treachers with bats. With the harmonic popping of brains, or the smashing of skulls, it was quite an achievement in the world of music. After the clones all died, we captured the original treachers (making sure not to kill them, but indeed abuse them heavily, they are freaks of human nature and deserve to be thrown aside like a wounded cattle) and went on a manhunt, trying to capture every single treacher in the entire world. We were ultimately successful. The world is now pure.
And then I woke up. I screamed in anger. It was then that I lost the game"
-Anonymous /b/tard
STFU
As anyone who has gone to the Juliana Wetmore site knows, Mommy and Nurse like to write little journals about Juliana and how she is such a awesome gift from God and about her over 9,000 operations. It seems now that Mrs. Wetmore is truly an attention whore who doesn't want her daughter to truly get better, thus proving that she has Munchausen by proxy.
From Mrs. Wetmore's Journal, Jul 31 2008
"...Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about some very exciting news about Juliana. She has recently been able to start wearing her speaking valve on her trach. This is so exciting for us. The valve is one way, so she can take air in through it, but has to push the air out past her vocal cords. This enables her to "talk." Sometimes, it is awesome and sometimes, I just pluck it off when I want her to hush. When she has it on she is so loud! We have waited five years for this..." LOL WUT
It is apparent that Mrs. Wetmore is just doing this for the lulz.
Wetmore 2: The Adoption
http://julianawetmore.net/journal.php?wid=2 December 31, 2008 10:40 PM
"Okay, now for the announcement which has my heart bursting with joy ・ Are you ready for this? We will have a new addition in the Wetmore family!
No, it's not what you think. I am very done giving birth! We are in the process of adopting a beautiful little girl. She will fit in perfectly in our home. She too has Treacher-Collins Syndrome. Obviously her case is not nearly as complex as Juliana's. She does not even have a trach or a feeding tube. She will need hearing aid implants, but other than that it seems from her pictures that anything else will be merely cosmetic. We won't know for sure, of course, until we go to her country to meet her and finalize the adoption.
This is an international adoption, so the process takes much more time than a domestic one. The process is very slow and mainly consists of waiting on documents and other people which is where we are now, just waiting on the Dept. of Homeland Security to complete their part of our paperwork."
You read correctly. Not content with 1 retard baby, the Wetmores have decided to bring in some foreign spice for their freak show. What purpose could this possibly have? Given the rest of the entry:
"I suppose I had better end this now and get the mermaid (aka Juliana) out of the bathtub. When she recovers a bit more from this surgery, I will post new pics."
It is pretty fucking obvious that we will be jerking to delicious freak loli.
Quotes
| —Tactica Imperium |
| —Ordo Hereticus |
Strogg
Other sources indicate that Juliana Wetmore is one of many attempts to place Strogg agents on Earth in an attempt to weaken the planet's defenses for the impending attack. This is supported by the fact that she was "born" into a military family where she will have a trusted career path into the armed forces. (Assuming she isn't discharged) The addition of a feeding tube and trachial valve were just excuses used to justify why she has them already. Strogg typically mutate their subjects in one way or another before augmenting and adding them to their ranks. Wetmore's volunteering for this dangerous mission may have been an attempt to gain favor with the Macron to be promoted and upgraded with a chaingun arm. In Strogg culture, number of weapons is directly proportional to social status.
Chaos Manifestation
Another, more disturbing theory is that Juliana Wetmore is in fact an avatar of Nurgle. Her presence alone makes people want to vomit and retch, much like people vomit and retch when exposed to sigils of Chaos. This would also make her mother a heretic for allowing such a vile manifestation of corruption to exist and therefore shares her daughter's fate. It clearly states in Ordo Xenos that mutants and aliens are affront to the God Emperor and the Imperium of Man, and the Ordo Hereticus states that those associated with the Chaos Powers are to be murdered with extreme prejudice. Therefore, those who would pwn in the name of the Emperor need to kill both child and family in order to fully cleanse the taint from this world. The most recommended tool would be the purifying flames of napalm.
Gallery
 LOOK GUYZ SHES GOT TEETHS NOW!!~* |
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 Fixing the guestbook problem wont fix that abomination of a face. |
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 When your baby comes out looking like a fucking pink turtle, you have already failed as a parent. |
 I see a huge resemblance to Lord Voldemort here :-O |
 ¯\(º_o)/¯ |
 Juliana and her meth mouth |
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 HAI KAZARI MAS |
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 You're takin' a bite out the wrong end babe... |
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 ...And its number is 666. |
 Dad looks on, dreaming of the days before his life was a fucking disaster. |
 Her beloved cat. |
 Here she is attempting to get struck by lightning and end the comedy that is her existence. |
 Why didn't you let me die? WHY? ( Mother is smiling because she enjoys her pain she enjoyed that she didn't let her die. she did it for the lulz |
 Brb, going to the moon. |
 Whatchu bitches want from a nigga? |
 twins |
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 Looks like someone got here first! |
 Well shit, no celebrity look-alike for her to brag to her friends about. |
 Playing Transformers with a Dora the Fagtard back pack! |
 Now what the fuck is that :-s |
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 Not photoshopped, her parents actually dressed her like that! |
 JESUS CHRIST IT'S A...um, er? GET IN THE CAR! |
 >:( No face detected. |
 What happened to her cookies? |
 Ok...ok...Since when did they let retards pass anything but the finish line in the Special Olympics? |
 Iz dat sum camel toe? |
 liek omg Beast and the Beauty. |
External Links
- The Site, which fails validation by the W3C. Leads to teh FBI LOLZ. To get to the site
go through anything other than EDclick this. Or copy/paste it: http://www.julianawetmore.net/
A Buddhist wonders what Juliana did in her past life to deserve her looks, mini-shitstorm ensures.BALEETED...OH WAIT, here's a mirror! [1]- I'm here to ruin your day.
- funny skit from a TV show that reminds me TOO much of Juliana.
- A valid question from a virtual Juliana.
