Natalee Holloway
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Natalee Holloway (moar liek Natalee Haulaway, amirite?) is a meme about an alcoholic teenager who hooked up with some ugly boys she had just met in a foreign country she had never been to before at 2:00 in the morning.
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Biography of Holloway
Natalee Holloway was a filthy, whorish 17-year-old graduate of some upper middle-class suburbanite high school in Alabama who disappeared in Aruba during the early hours of May 30, 2005, after she ran off with a group of older male friends to engage in various typical teenage social activities, including double anal penetration, bukkake, scat, piss, bestiality, skull-fucking, and bondage. Holloway and 124 of her fellow white peers were on a senior class trip, because they obviously had nothing better to do with their parents' money.
The night she disappeared, Holloway ate like the fat cow she is, drank copious quantities of hard alcohol, and danced inappropriately with several unknown nigger bucks at Carlos 'n' Charlie’s bar and restaurant. She did not appear for her return flight hours later, probably because she had not recovered from the effects of the Rohypnol.
So, the bitch went missing.
Due to the inability of the Aruban government to get their shit together and find her body, 90% of the news during the summer of 2005 consisted of "HOLY SHIT Van der Sloot is in custody!!!!!!" That was, until Hurricane Katrina stole the spotlight and the lulz shifted toward the blacks in chaos in New Orleans.
What the fuck kind of name is Van der Sloot, anyway. Moarliek Bang der Slut, amirite?
Her disappearance also allowed her attention whore of a mother to appear on cable news networks and morning news programs 24 hours a day for at least 100 years.
Fun Fact : From personal interviews, it has been discovered that no one misses Natalee at her own school. She srsly was a big whore that no one liked.
Kuro5hin Article
The IRL Natalee Holloway media drama sept into a lulz-torrent of intenets drama when kuro5hin (c.f., like slashdot but with some intentional fiction) ran a front page article with the title "Fuck Natalee Holloway" that happened to be the number one Google result during the crest of the media maelstrom. During which, the site experienced an influx of enraged AOLers that were livid that anyone would speak such hateful words against such an innocent snowflake angel. Again serving as a testament to the general literacy levels of AOL users, it was apparent that most of the posts were about the juxtaposition of the words fuck and Natalee Holloway and not about the article which was copypasta liberal bullshit about how, if it were Sheneequa Narayray from West Philadelphia instead of Natalee Holloway, noone would care. A++++++++++++++, as this drama involved both the smart corners of the internet and the not so smart corners.
Example comments
Subject: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!! User: roseWallpaper I still can't believe what's on the front page about Natalie though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I clicked on the 'Everything' icon located at the top left of this page and just couldn't comprehend the *ABSOLUTE SICK HORROR* that fell before my eyes!!!! What is this world coming to???
Subject: You have no shame. User: Egil Skallagrimson Let the poor girl rest and peace and stop trying to make money off her corpse.
Subject: FUCK ALL OF U!!!!!! User: BostonGirl78 YOu know, I think it's pathetic how all these people are just talking shit about Natalee and her family! She didn't ask to go missing and maybe killed, this isn't her fault. Her mom didn't ask to have to go through this hell to find her daughter. Come on u r saying that kids only go to other countries so they can drink? Get real!!! First of all, I don't drink and I have been to Aruba, Mexico, and the Virgin Islands. I was 16-18 at the time of my trips. Second of all, if I was an underage drinker, I think I would rather have an older friend buy me alcohol at a local store than spend thousands of dollars to go to a foreign country just to drink!!! And no one knows if Natalee was even drunk. Oh but wait the suspects said she was so that must be correct right? I am also sick of people saying that she is getting all this media coverage cause she is white. Does anyone remember a few weeks ago when the little boys were found dead in the trunk of a car? They were hispanic and had tons of media coverage from the time they went missing till they were found. Personally I don't think it matters what color or race u r. I think it depends on the situation. Natalee is an American missing in a foreign country w/little crime. She basically just vanished, there is no sign of her being dead or alive so it's a mystery. How often does this happen. I mean, I know it has before but it doesn't happen that often. Her mom is also fighting to find her and is willing to always talk to the media. Come on people, wouldn't u do the same if it was your family member or if u thought your child was dead? Natalee's mom didn't "send" her to Aruba and it's not her fault, Natalee is 18 years old (an adult), I'm sure she would have went whether her mother let her or not, it was a senior trip. Why would her mom say no? I don't care, I say Fuck all of u who don't care about this story. If u don't like it, stop writing/reading about it and don't watch it on tv!!!! I don't care what anyone says, if my kid was missing I'd keep the story alive as much as possible and do whatever the hell I could to find my kid! No matter what anyone says!!! Ya'll need a life!
Confession
In April, 2007 Joran Van Der Sloot published a book titled Dat bitch, Natalee Holloway. In it, he was quoted as saying, "Hell no I didn't fuck her then kill her, she was long dead by the time I got my turn". As to the location of the body, Van Der Sloot merely snapped his fingers and shouted "Booyakasha".
See also
External links
- Fuck Natalee Holloway
- The official National Enquirer article (Because you can't get more reputable than that.)
