Playstation 3

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waiting for good games

What happens when you see teh PS3's shitty graphics.

Huge improvement, not.

A picture of the Playstation 3 (naked pedophile thankfully not included)

A picture of the now slim and fugly Playstation 3 edition ($299, affordable by the blackest nigger!))

PLEASE NOTE: BUY THIS OR SONY WILL ASSASSINATE YOU. A Challenger Approaches!!!

The Playstation 3 (also known as the Penis3, the Piece of Shit 3, and the Gaystation 3) is Sony's next-gen shitty game console that costs one limb and your first-born child. It is only liked by gays, nerds, loners, weaboos and Chadwardenn (who, incidentally, is a gay, lonely nerd). It will continue in the tradition of quality for which the Playstation line of products is known (i.e. it will be among the most useless creations ever conceived by man). It is noteworthy for costing more than a small country and for including a bunch of unnecessary shit like a Blu-ray drive and a SIXAXIS controller for you to fuck around.

Hardware

The hardware of the PS3 consists of the cell processor, which runs on orphans and Jew hate, and the RSX GPU (which is actually an outdated G70 failchip). The cell processor was first invented to destroy teh world through a program called folding@home. This program was to fold and analyze proteins and send the data back to Stanford for cancer research through the help of PCs and PS3s around the world in a cluster. Little do PS3 owners know, Ken Kutaragi, IBM, and Stanford are planning to use said information to exploit human DNA to give everyone cancer. Linux can be installed on the PS3, adding to the things one can pointlessly install Linux on and destroy functionality. While PS3 can play PSX games, it cannot play PS2, but it gives you an option to create a PS2 internal memory card anyway.

Notable Fanboys

Here are fanboys who have come out like the homosexual and said "Look out world, because I'm a PS3 fanboy!" Fortunately, sanity has been restored as these people have been killed on sight on the street by gamers who actually know something about the industry, these people genrally do not have a life anyway so it never makes much of a difference.

Chadwardenn - Think godofgta3 with a stereotypical "gangsta" accent. Shall be killed by niggers within the fortnight.
Seth Dub - A gay fanboy who thinks he can rap.
DasUberCow - A flaming homosexual Newgrounds member who spews nothing but bullshit and likes to suck Ken Kutagari's cock 24/7
ELPRESEDOR - Forget any Sonyfanboys you may have met on the internetz, this one just surpress them all (wat). From bribing little kids in the neighbourhood to catch fire on their XBOX into create altars to the PS3 this faggot has done it all...Proud founder of the Sony Defense Force called the TREY BROTHERHOOD [[1]][[2]]

Six Axis of Evil

Also known as the nigga Wiimote, with so many people gagging to see the best copy-pasta in console control history, it would be poor form for Sony to actually deliver something that was any more useful than a sack of soggy dicks. Hailed as a new and exciting piece of technology that would render the old wheel and shift stick control packs obsolete, everyone acted surprised when it worked about as well as controlling a space shuttle with your cock - which everyone expected, but outrage is so much fun to have. When it was discovered that the six axis control method was a total wash, they'd release what the public REALLY wanted - a new PSP with Darth Vader's face fucked into the back of it.

The Aftermath

After realizing what a shoddy abortion of a game console Sony was making, only the most hardcore of Sony's horde of zombie fanboys still supported it (see: Sony Defense Force). Also, game developers decided that it was smarter to take their chances at making games for Xbox 360 (which was out first) or Wii (an overclocked GameCube) than to try and make games for an unstable bucket of random parts that runs on technology that hasn't even been invented yet. Playstation 3 caught the attention of the US Government when the FBI discovered that it was the only entity in recent history to lose more support in less time than Dubya. The system has also been known to summon hoards of zombies when played near a graveyard, making Paranormal Investigators take interest in the console.

Also like Dubya, entire communities of lusers have coalesced to form cesspools of console fanboyism for everything that's not a Sony product. Both these factions are currently preparing to defend themselves against their assimilation into the virtual social network that is PlayStation Home.

Typical Playstation 3 Demo

Games

Even Modern Warfare 2 knows

Games? PS3 HAS no games.

The exclusives on Sony's Gaystation owns the rights to games like "Gay Time" 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and infamous. Oh, and Playstation Home, but that's not really considered a game. Sony's movie players are known to play exclusive movie games.

The question you should be asking however, is what games it doesn't have? Well it definately doesn't have battletoadz, it doesn't have "list the game you want/like/played" neither, and 4 years from its release, it still doesn't have any innovative, graphically powerful, or worthwhile game. Sony fanboys attribute that it's ok there are only 10-15 on the Gaystation 3 because the console hordes a cell chip processor (the same found on your TI-89 calculator), which for some reason is special. In fact, they all say that one day the PS3 is gonna be able to compete with the xbox3fixme and the Gamecube 1.2. It is evident that the PS3 has garnered more hardcore fans than the dreamcast and the n-gage, and that they won't break no matter how much sony decides to stick their small soft japanese dick up their ass.

Playstation 3 has no game

Lol ded

Realizing that there would be thousands of defenseless fanboys waiting outside with thousands of dollars, many robbers decided to act on this. Lulz ensued when one of the victims decided that his PS3 was worth more than his puny existence, and refused to hand over the money. The robbers killed him, with the other line members ignoring the whole ordeal. A few months later cops found what they assumed was the mugger and blew numerous holes into his head, only to find out later that they had killed the wrong guy, resulting in even more lulz.

Descriptions

Here are what PS3 fanboys usually say:

Awesome

HDEE MOTHERFUCKING GRAFFICZ!!!!!11

Best console, evar

HOME is better than than Xbox Live!

All Microsoft and Nintendo fans are complete faggots just like uz!!!!!!!1!!!

The games are teh r0xx0rz!!1!!!!

SO INNOVATIVE!!1!

It's made with the same ingredients as the atom bomb so PLAY IT OR GTFO !!!11!!!1!11!!!one

At least it does not have the Red Rings of Death!!

Note: This is only a translation, as no PS3 fanboy has a strong enough command over the English language to form coherent sentences. Also, reading this section completely will result in a small reduction of your IQ. Despite not having the red rings of death people will still buy something they know will break and pay to have it rapaired before they buy a PS3.

Post-Release

The best selling game as of 2009

After the release, the PS3 has undersold by millions because people don't want to take out a second mortgage to pay for a gaming console with shit that they don't want or need.

A year after Sony shat it into the gaming community, it started to just barely not fail, and was then about as desirable as a real console is at launch. Sony, being Sony, decided they didn't want success and gimped the backwards compatibility, released the rumbling controller in Japan, and at least 100 years later to America and Europe. It now sells for $399(,000,000,000) since noone bought it, though this is a watered down version with no backwards compatibility, only 2 controller ports, and it's missing the useless ports that noone uses even if they have them.

tl;dr shit started to not suck, then it sucked again.

Playstation Home

Somehow Sony came up with the idea that having an interactive online community would allow people to make friends and express themselves. They took two years to create this "service" and it fucking sucks horse cocks. Even if you ask a Ps3 user, they will inform you that this shit is about as worthless as IMVU if not worse. You can go to some fountain and fly around in some UFOs and gets some useless shits that give you points that don't do fucking anything. Then you can go to some Mall and then anticipate buying some new clothing for your character and when you get in there you see that every fucking thing costs at least fucking $2.00. All together this shit is worse then a buffalo taking a diarrhea right in your ear, this shit fucking sucks, and I mean SUCKS!

And here's a video where Tony Stark talks about how he invented Sony:

Trophies

Sony wanted to win over the shut-ins that Microsoft's achievement system had garnered so they ripped off achievements 3 years after the 360 came out. This, instead of causing the achievement whores to have something else to collect like a retarded squirrel preparing for a lonely ass winter, caused Sony fanboys and Microsoft fanboys to get butthurt and yell at each other about which is better.

Here's a video on how to deal with a trophy whore:

Songs

Add-Ons

Playstation Eye

The Playstation Eye add-on was intended as a hi resolution optical pickup device capable of detecting the most intricate amount of detail for game such as Eye Of Judgment; instead it’s used for capturing the stunned look of losers playing Burnout Paradise in just their urine stained underwear with their bitch tits hanging over their beer guts, laying about in their grotty bedsits [3]. It is fact that 90% of Playstation Eye's have seen more than any eye should see.

Dualshock 3

After stating for months that the Sixaxis controller was designed without rumble because it contained sensitive tilt switches that would be made inoperable by the rumble feature, Sony decided to do a complete U-turn and add rumble anyway; Not because of any technological improvements, but because they decided to give in to a bunch of Intellectual Property trolls who claimed to hold the patent to this feature. This news was greatly welcomed by PS3-fetishist sick fucks who were worried they would miss out on the chance to stick a vibrating controller up their ass.

Playstation and ED

What do you know? It might actually have a good side!

Thanks to Trend's built in security in the PSN browser, ~~ED is one of the sites that is inaccessible on the PS3. Also, the term LULZ is banned from the friends comments~~ HA HA, DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. Though, you can just fucking turn that useless shit off, there's no viruses made for Ps3.

How to Use Your Ps3

1. Insert game.(The Ps3 will turn on when you stick your game in.)
2. Turn on your controller.
3. Select the game you would like to play from the XMB.
4. Wait for useless game update to download that doesn't even fucking do anything.
5. Continue to wait the minimum of 45 minutes before you can ~~enjoy the game with your friends~~, wait you don't have any.
6. Change the channel to something else, while you wait, preferably something with DBZ on it.
7. Go back to your game and press the start button on your controller to skip the opening cut scene... But wait, your controller is out of batteries, you're gonna go need to plug it in with its ~~3 inch cord~~ lol they fixed that.
8. Now that you've finished with that, you can play your game while being constantly interrupted by a message telling you that someone has logged in or out.
9. Realize that you're wasting your time.
10. Turn off the Ps3.
11. Get back to watching DBZ.
12. Go on the internets and torrent every single episode of Drangon Ball Z, and stick it on your Ps3.
13. Watch ALL OF THEM.
14. Kill yourself.

PS3 GALLERY

This is what most people think of when the subject of the PS3 comes out.	Sony's answer to Nintendo Urine family games.	Ken Kutaragi's lean, mean, budget-reducing gaming machine. But don't call it that. PS3 is not a game console. Sony never said it was.	The most eagerly anticipated PS3 game is coming out on a competing console.
Even King Leonidas is proud to have switched.	Giant enemy crabs!!!	Every Xbox Fanboys Wetdream.
PS3 owner laughing at own image of himself having foot shoved up arse. Voice is then recorded and sent to Sony for analysis.	The PS3 had disappointing sales.	Even PS3 ads fail.