Raptor Jesus

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from Raptorjesus)

Jump to: navigation, search

Classic Raptor Jesus

As good as a Raptor Jesus pic gets

Raptor Jesus is a shrewd businessman

Raptor Jesus is greeted by a follower as he arrives at Dulles last Thursday.

Raptor Jesus is a 4chan meme consisting of a raptor's head crudely photoshopped onto any picture of Jesus. Rose to fame when it became the 900,000th picture posted to /b/, only to have the moderators replace it with a much funnier image - a manga of a man with a donut on his genitals. Raptor Jesus never achieved the status of Happy Negro or Pedobear amongst the unsavories of /b/, but His "disciples" ~~keep the faith alive in the Rapor Jesus Wiki lol ~~extinct~~. HAHAHA, DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS!!!~~ have a highly spammed Wiki. But the new central system is at Raptor Jesus.Net

Raptor Jesus is the only true savior. When our lord rises again during The Velocirapture, heretics and worshipers of TyrannoSatan (which include promoters of buttsecks and furrys) shall be cast underfoot and disemboweled by his holy talons.

1 The Prayer of Raptor Jesus
2 The Creed of Raptor Jesus
3 The Raptor Jesus Chant
4 Second Coming and "The VelociRapture"
5 Parthenogenesis and the Messiah
6 Videos
7 Gallery
8 See Also
9 External links

[edit] The Prayer of Raptor Jesus

Our Raptor,
Who art in /h/eaven,
shopped be Thy face;
Thy donations come,
Thy posts be done
in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven.
Give us this day our daily Bridget;
and forgive us our trolling
as we forgive those who troll against us,
and lead us not into faggotry,
but deliver us from /fur/ry.
In the name of the Moot, the Raptor, and the Holy Server,
Amen.

[edit] The Creed of Raptor Jesus

Followers of Raptor Jesus are easily identifiable because thier eyes burn with the fervor of the righteous. They live by the following simple beliefs and most likely have one or more of these statements tattooed on their cocks:

Love Raptor Jesus or die.
Raptor Jesus is the savior of all mankind, and will deliver thee to carnivorous enlightenment. (Many have enormous hemipenes)
Believe in the Lord Raptor Jesus, and thou shalt be saved!
Raptor Jesus will rise again!
Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins!
Raptor Jesus loves you!
The divine trinity of Raptor Jesus shelters us from the coming Catnarok!
Thus shall the Vegan know eternal torment

[edit] The Raptor Jesus Chant

Our God's a jurrasic God.

He reigns from 4chan above.

With wisdom, power and lulz.

Our God's a jurrasic God.

[edit] Second Coming and "The VelociRapture"

The second coming of Raptor Jesus actually occurred last Thursday. Many were expecting a massive Earth shattering event to announce His presence but instead He arrived on United Airlines Flight 47 to Dulles. He has not yet rendered judgment on the sinners of the world but instead is sitting in His basement eating Ramen, contemplating the fate of the world, and spinning a dreidel. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK HEMIPENIS

[edit] Parthenogenesis and the Messiah

Was Jesus a girl, then?

The female human has two X chromosomes and therefore can give birth ONLY to females via parthenogenesis. In Varanus sp. (the Komodo dragon and relatives), parthenogenesis can produce only males. This is compelling proof that Jesus was a monitor lizard fnord.

[edit] Videos

Reach out and touch faith.

The Chronicles of Raptor Jesus

[edit] Gallery

Raptor Jesus is Lord

The first incarnation of Raptor Jesus.

Mel Gibson is a Raptor Jesus fanboi

He went extinct for our sins.

Where indeed...

[Collapse Gallery] [Expand Gallery] 0

		his only son	Nigras like to hang pictures of Raptor Jesus on the walls of their shacks.
TOW got vandalized...



	Truly divine wisdom.

		Raptor Jesus's arch nemesis, TyrannoSatan	Raptor Pieta
The Bible tells me so.	Raptor Jesus is not without enemies	Inspired spin off B-movies such as "The Last Temptation of Christ" and "The Passion"	He lieks with dill & Dijon Mustard