Ubuntu
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Certain parts of this page read like a TOW article, increase the lulz to information ratio plz. |
Ubuntu is a popular Lunix distribution funded by Mark Shuttleworth's Canonical Ltd. Ubuntu's popularity is due to it being ridiculously easy to use, yet still empowering users with the arrogance and unwarranted self importance that goes along with using Lunix. The Ubuntu project is built on the ideas enshrined in the Ubuntu philosophy, including that software should be available free of charge and that software tools should be usable by people in their native language- important goals for a distribution that targets Africans, but the earthy brown theme, jungle drums, and simple interface has a wider appeal than its common name, "Debian for niggers" suggests, reaching beyond the African community to most of the Linux-using community.
Contents |
Debian
Ubuntu is based on Debian, a distribution known for its excellent package management and selection of packages, including such excellent games as The Battle for Wesnoth and the Quake II engine (game not included). Debian's package manager is unassumingly called dpkg, but when you go to use it, you usually use the command line program apt-get instead, unless you're searching the package repositories, in which case you need apt-cache, or reconfiguring a package, the command for which is dpkg-reconfigure. Ubuntu has packages for everything, including some wireless drivers- but in order to connect to the internets to download them, you need to reboot into Windows. The command to manually install packages is, intuitively, dpkg -i.
| —Typical Debian user |
The Ubuntu Community
One of the strongest selling points of the Ubuntu distribution is its shitty community and excellent community support. Ubuntu community members often sign the Ubuntu Code of Conduct and get it notarized in internet court, after which they call themselves ubunteros. Provisions of this code include platitudes and blind obedience to Mark Shuttleworth.
Web Forums
The Ubuntu community has a strong Internet presence, including a vast and helpful web forum. It's easy to ask a question- simply post a new thread with your question. It is encouraged to search for similar postings before asking. The first few posts after your question will probably be other people agreeing that they have the same problem or asking you to visit their mini city, but if you wait long enough, you might get a real answer, such as:
1) "You are a fucking noob who is too dumb for Linux and you should just stick to Windows" (these tend to be banned by the admin and end up posting their shit on the MySpace forums)
2) "(Link to a previous thread describing the same problem) - Please use the search function next time. LOCKED."
3) A long and laborious set of arcane, daemonic chants that you write down on paper, reboot into Linux, and then type in the terminal. These usually will do what you want them to do, if you wanted your mom raped, your cat run down and your problem only half fixed, to bite you in the ass later.
Expecting Ubunteros who have accepted the Ubuntu Code of Conduct to be answering their questions, Ubuntu users will enter just about anything short of 'sudo rm -rf /' into their terminals. You might try telling one to overwrite /var/lib/dpkg/status, thus ruining his package management, or /etc/hostname, thus preventing him for using 'sudo'.
#ubuntu moar liek #unhelpful
Don't bother trying to flood #ubuntu on freenode. It already is flooded, 24 hours a day, by whining Ubuntu n00bs. You see, whenever a n00b is using Ubuntu and suddenly comes across a problem, assuming he knows anything about IRC, instead of actually trying to find out how to fix it himself he heads straight for #ubuntu, like a child running into his parents' room after a bad dream. Because of this, #ubuntu is kept at 800 whiny losers bitching and moaning until some Ubuntu pro comes along and fixes one of their problems, at which point they might say kthxbi, or they might just say thx before continuing to flood with a different question. Even so, #ubuntu takes an even more hard-line stance against trolling than the rest of freenode, understanding that anything that happens in #ubuntu will reflect badly upon the Ubuntu distribution. Advice is always welcome, especially if it ends up causing some useless idiot to go back to Windows.
If you need codecs or to know how to turn your volume down, #ubuntu is the place for you. If you have a serious problem or found a bug, file a Launchpad about it where it will be promptly killed and forgotten about.
What you'll see in #ubuntu scrolling by really fast
| —Someone who needs to be shot in the fucking face |
| —A person who needs to go back to Windows |
The Homosexual Connection
While Macs used to be the computing system of choice for homosexuals everywhere, Ubuntu has recently taken over that niche, drawing numerous former Mac users into the Linux community, and the Ubuntu IRC. There is no one reason for this, but Ubuntu was built from the ground up with a conscious effort towards ending heterosexism in operating systems, starting with a pleasing brown theme reminding homosexual users of buttsex. There used to be an Ubuntu social networking site at gaybuntu.com.
Ubuntu Derivatives
There are also some derivative distributions which are based on Ubuntu which are intended to solve other problems than giving niggers a pleasing computing experience, such as:
- Kubuntu, a distribution for fags who, for some reason, think KDE's Windows 95-esque interface is appealing.
- Xubuntu, a distribution for people with shitty computers that don't have the 24GB of DDR3-1600 SDRAM required to run GNOME
- Edubuntu, a distribution for classrooms, with the goal of turning your children into faggots.
- Ubuntu Studio, an Ubuntu version with lots of Audio and Video editing tools, but without any drivers for sound and video cards, so its fucking useless as shit and nobody uses it.
- Ubuntu Christian Edition, a distribution which focuses on chatrooms. This helps to get in contact with little children, with the intention of raping them.
- Ubuntu Muslim Edition, to attract the majority of Africans in countries where they are not currently eating one another.
- Linux Mint, a standard Ubuntu derivative with a few key differences - proprietary audio and video codecs are installed by default, extra "mint" tools included to make certain tasks easier, it has a minty-fresh desktop theme and Jews aren't allowed to use it. Seriously.
Goatse Gibbon
The previous Ubuntu distribution was called 7.10, which means it it was the 10th time the Ubuntu developers added to the Ubuntu API after breaking compatibility with the Ubuntu 6 series. It came with numerous improvements, including breaking people's computers only a mere six months after the last upgrade.
The Hairy Hardon
The current following Ubuntu release from At least 100 years ago is codenamed Hairy Hardon, a pun on the fact that it is a long-term support release- Last Thursday, Jono Bacon announced that the security team would make sure that Ubuntu remains extra hard for 3 years!
System Requirements
Required:
- Your mother's Pentium.
- An understanding of Bash, and enough restraint to not use it.
- 1TB of space not filled with pr0n.
- sudo rm -rf /
- ????
- PROFIT!
Recommended:
- Windows Se7en (just in case).
- This Guy.
- ESC!!!!
- Unprotected access to root and
- a computer.
Correction: Ubuntu doesn't work.
