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Wapanese
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Wapanese (also called "Japanophiles" or "Weeaboo") are, much like wiggers, cultureless honkies trying to fill their cultural void by pretending not to be white -- in this case, by humping the giant Godzilla leg of the Land of the Rising Sun until assimilated into its culture, as if being azn is some kind of acquired communicable disease. So badly do they wish this, in fact, that they are willing to dedicate entire afternoons to memorizing up to five common phrases in Japanese, later misusing them at the mall or furry conventions.
Wapanese frequently go to sushi bars or the Panda Express in the food court, as well as Sanrio stores on a weekly basis. They are the bane of American youth.
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[edit] Statistics
- DeviantART is home to a large population of Wapanese who trace Sailor Moon and fap over other popular animu shit that litters the site.
- 99.9% of the Wapanese "artists" on DA want to study art in Japan and become famous manga artists. However 75% can hardly handle drawing circles, and 90% will never have enough money to move to and study art in Japan.
- 100% of Wap artists will flunk out of art school, if they can make it in, because the world do not want any more crackers drawing craptastic animu shit.
- Wapanese will INSIST about how delicious sushi is, even though their sushi is probably prepared by 38-year old white pedos who are most likely Wapanese themselves.
- Wapanese spend around 70% of their income on meaningless Japanese imported crap, much of which could be bought at Walmart for far less but MUST be imported because Japanese is liek OMG so suteki ne?
- Japanophiles insist on using chopsticks to consume everything from hamburgers to aspirin.
- 82% of male Japanophiles have declared on their LiveJournals that they will never "settle" for less than an authentic Azn Japanese girlfriend. IRL they are often forced to hook up with their autistic cousin Stacey.
- Wapanese are much too busy watching blurred, hairy japanese vaginas to get laid.
- There is no known cure for Japanophilia, other than becoming an hero. Injections of anti-venoms such as Polandolux and Brazilium have thus far been ineffective.
- Male Weeaboos fap to films featuring Wu Shu and Star Wars, only proving their blatant ignorance and racism (they all look alike, desu!) in the process. (Neither of these martial "arts" has anyting to do with Japan, and just like the Wapanese, never will.)
- Japanophiles will complain when manga-influenced comic books created in America for Americans are not printed right-to-left. These Waps in particular should be turned inside out with a coat hanger and made to observe the world through their own asshole.
- At least 90% of Wapanese own bootlegs, and will risk their lives not letting that fact out.
- 70% make their own clothes, or lolita, and it shows.
- 100% of all male Wapanese fantasize of an American idealized female body, 65% of which is made up of 34DD breasts, pink nipples, and a toned stomach that leads to voluptuous, shapely hips. The remaining 35% is for an idealized Japanese face that goes O.o when shocked at the sight of big American cork and ^O^ when orgasming. (See also: bullshit.)
- In every group of Wapanese fucktards, there will be at least two people calling themselves kitsune and two more calling themselves usagi.
- 80% of the writers on Fanfiction.net are Wapanese. That's a lot of Wapanese.
- Waps are inconsistent with their bathing, as they have no time for such concerns. They are usually too busy watching tentacle porn, eating sushi or buying plastic crap from the internets.
- Most think that Japan is a place where the trees are made of Pocky, cities are made of platinum PS3s and Nintendo Wiis, and the girls and bishojos proclaim "ME SO HORRONY" and kneel to take Wapanese cork up the poop chute. (Azn Japanese men should also kneel, offering Wap males free anime, video games and weaponry, and Wap females absolutely anything upon demand.) However, real Azn Japanese consider Waps to be ignorant little asswipes, and the yakuza and bosozokus will merely give them manga and DS (not Lite). Note to non-Wapanese: Yakuza is the term meaning "Happy Toy Clan," and bosozoku means "Fun Fun Happy Anime and Manga Tribe."
- To receive your free manga and DS (not Lite) from an Azn Japanese, walk up to them and yell おんどりゃ～！ (pronounced on-DOR-yaa). To become one of them, proclaim 俺、偽者じゃねえよ(pronounced o-ray, nee-seh-mono ja NEH yo) and refer to them all as てめぇ (pronounced teh-MEH). Now you are parts of Azn crowd!!
[edit] Identifying someone as Wapanese
There are many telltale signs of Wapanese, the biggest one being that they will refer to each other as Otaku and say things like kawaii desu yo! Other warning signs include:
- Constantly bitching and moaning about the country they are currently living in (if it is not Japan). In the unlikely event that they have actually been to Japan, it is common for them to whine about wanting to go back every 20 minutes, e.g., "I wanna go to Japan T_T!!!!"
- Known for stubbornly defending Japan's long history of IRL banhammering other races
- Thinking they are so badass, often posing with their katanas while wearing cosplay outfits they made for ComiCon. (See also: retard.)
- If a Wapanese cannot master the Japanese language and hoard enough Gaia gold to go to Japan, the yearly ComicCon in San Diego is the next best place to parade oneself around as a dumbfuck.
- In photographs, a Wapanese will always be shown making a peace sign with one hand, while squinting their eyes and contorting their facial features into a grotesque imitation of the ^_^ smiley, EVEN if they weren't actually doing so when the picture was taken. For potential lulz, mention that America ironically made peace with Japan after nuking them. Step back and enjoy. For additional points, make some kind of additional joke about it being odd that they ddidn't like Little Boy (unless they do).
- Wapanese have a tendency to mercilessly butcher the Japanese language, throwing around random words and phrases whilst completely ignorant to what they mean. For this reason, the term "Wapanese" can also refer to the language spoken by such sad individuals. Almost all Wapanese will pretend to know the Japanese language and will constantly go "I know Japanese!! Kawaii!!" when a Japanese or part-Japanese loli comes within 20 miles of the vicinity. Most Wapanese cannot actually sustain a conversation for more than five seconds with a Japanese person.
- Any self-respecting weeaboo will befriend any random azn in a 50-mile radius, regardless if the people they are befriending are Japanese or some other, "lesser" Azn race.
- Wapanese insult people using romaji, something that has nothing to do with the Japanese language.
- Listening to shitty J-rock bands nobody has ever heard of and believing that every male in japan is a hermaphroditic transvestite.
- Their life dream is not only to go to Japan, but also to break into the anime, manga or video game industry and have sex with all the blond-haired, blue-eyed Japanese girls they saw in Naruto.
- Collecting samurai swords and posing in photos with them is a common Wapanese habit.
- Often use big words like "pretentious", "original" and "pseudo-intellectual." Don't be surprised if they misuse the semi-colon in an attempt to insult you on what ever message board you're using.
- All Wapanese have at least one account on Gaia Online or DeviantART, and tend to discuss ethnicity, politics and religion as if they know what the fuck they're talking about.
- Females have a compulsive need to wear at least one item of Hello Kitty clothing at all times.
- Wapanese want to take in the local Asian culture festival every spring, no matter how viciously dull it is.
- The average Wapanese will whine non-stop about how everyone else who professes an interest in Japanese culture is a poser. They will then throw on their favorite Asian Kung-Fu Generation CD and take out their impotent white rage on the last few sticks of Pocky they ordered from J-List.
- The truly desperate Wapanese will wear shitloads of eyeliner and fake eyelashes to make their eyes appear pointier.
- Use Japanese characters -- poorly -- in their LiveJournal interests.
- Wanting to go to Japan and only Japan to meet the love of their life.
- Username and/or 99.9% of their friends list's names end in the letter "u", "i" or "-chan".
- A large sweatdrop will appear on their forehead when confronted about the fact that they have never even seen a Japanese person in real life, let alone ever been to Japan.
- Wapanese have an undying obsession with anime. Very often, it's the only thing they'll watch.
- Closely related to the rarer "Koreanophile".
- 90% of Wapanese people have AZN or 4ZN in their screen names.
- Hanging out with asians in the arcade, playing DDR(choosing the same overplayed songs nonstop), Tekken(every weeaboo's, emo's, fag's, and buttonmasher's favorite fighting game) or Initial D. It's not hard to spot the odd one out there.
- Usually saving up for their next trip to Japan, so they can buy a lolita dress that their fat will spill out of. Most likely will be worn with striped socks and Hot Topic $20 shoes.
- If not saving up for the lolita dress, buying the cheaply made Hot Topic version and wearing it 24/7.
- If they're a really rich nerd, they might be carrying a little Dollfie around with them dressed up in their own meticulously hand-sewn clothing imported from New Jersey.
- They find the animu genre of "Harem Comedy" funny.
- Has an account on crunchyroll, an Jewtube wannabe site infested with Japanophiles and/or Koreanophiles.
- Their name is Jeffree Moon
- Curiously, azn weeaboos are common as well, furiously denying their weeaboo status because they are not WHITE, even though they were born and raised in America, only know English, and quite possibly are not even Azn. (See: bullshit)
- Say shit like "Best band evar is Slipknot" and "Best drumma evar is Joey Jordisson, Kawaiiiii ^^." Look closely to see that these sentiments do not match.
- Some 20-30% of Wapanese will claim to have been into Japanese music for years upon years before discovering YouTube and hail all J-Rock, J-artists and J-bands, even watching them perform at weaboo conventions... but when it comes to singing more than 1 minute and 18 seconds of the song, Wapanese generally can't, because they've heard the "song" a million times only when used as the opening theme to their favorite Anime.
- Will commit an hilarity by pointing out Wapanese internets website or myspace accounts as an example of Wapanese-ality and claim to know who did it, saying something like "I know who did this, it was [insert Wapanese fetish name]," e.g,Veronica, Erika etc.
[edit] How Weeaboo are you?
Answer yes or no to each of these questions. Are you a normal person or a weeaboo faggot who needs to become an hero? Let this quiz decide for you. (Other editors, feel free to contribute to this list in any way since weeaboo faggots seem to be evolving. One must be ever-vigilant to keep an updated study of these failed tards.)
- Do you buy/read manga?
- Do you watch animu?
- Do you go to Azn food markets?
- DESU?
- Do you have a DevianTART account?
- If so, do you contribute lots and lots of animu fanart?
- Have you fapped today?
- Was it to Azn porn?
- Hentai?
- Tentacle hentai?
- Do you have at least 2 animu posters in your room?
- Do you argue with your friends about animu?
- Do you win these arguments?
- Do you go to Japanese food restaurants just because they’re Japanese?
- Have you tried learning Japanese for a reason other than business?
- Was it just to watch animu?
- Did one of your Japanese friends comment on how bad you were butchering the language? (Provided you have any in the first place.)
- Have you been to an animu/hentai con?
- Have you worked at a con?
- Have you ever made an AMV?
- Was it a Narutard AMV?
- Do you own a Narutard headband?
- Have you ever subbed anything for Dattebayo or the like, or are you attempting to study Japanese just so you can sub for some failed subbing group?
- Do you have any clothes with animu characters printed on them?
- Is this most/all of your clothing?
- Do you own an katana?
- Do you use the ^_^, T_T, ., etc. expressions?
- Do you have a fetish for Azn men/women?
- Do you browse 2chan, 4chan, 7chan, 420chan etc?
- Are you a full-blown /b/tard?
- Is a cat fine too?
- Have you ever enjoyed a Japanese product or thought of doing so?
- Do you own a Gaia account?
- Are the words baka, kawaii, sugoi, or DESU part of your daily vocabulary?
- これ、読めますか。日本人じゃないのにこの文書を読める場合、ささっと死んで下さい。（＾－＾）V
- Did you just Babelfish/Google translate the above Japanese sentences since you MUST know what it's saying cause its Japanese and it's moar than the one Japanese word you know?
Now tally up the number of times you said “yes.”
Did you answer "yes" to any of these questions? Become an hero, you're a weeaboo faggot.
[edit] Wapanese in Denial
- Throw fits when confronted on being a Wapanese/Japanophile and then attempt to kill you with ninja weaponry.
- Can be found religiously on 4chan. (See also: the cancer that is killing /b/)
- Has Dir en Grey, Gazette or some other bullshit bootleg in CD player.
- Attempts to counteract any of the above in the identification of Wapanese.
[edit] Hypocrite Wapanese
A hypocrite Wapanese is almost identical to the Wapanese in denial, though the hypocrite version tends to be more annoying. These tossers prance about claiming they hate Wapanese, but cream their kimonos when they get the opportunity to go to Japan.
- A hypocrite Wapanese living in Japan will last about 2 weeks before returning home, realizing that the great Hide Matsumoto is dead and no Azn Japanese will make sexy time with them.
- Music interests (usually J-POP or JROCK) change weekly.
- Attends anime conventions. Wouldn't deign to cosplay as anime/manga characters, but often goes to check out the J-bands.
- Has a DevianTART account filled with their shitty anime drawings of catgirls and lots of emo poetry.
- Usually bisexual or gay from looking at too many pretty Japanese manboys in dresses.
- Tend to be under the age of 17.
- Probably dress in Lolita, Decora, EGL, or any annoying Japanese fashion that the Japanese use to lure in the Gaijin's beaucoup bucks.
- Possess a tattoo in Japanese characters, which translated probably means hope, prosperity or something equally gay.
- Learn Japanese from fapping to animu only.
- Plays Team Fortress 2, the breeding ground for weeaboo fags much like Second Life is the breeding ground for furfags
Hypocrite Wapanese are the most elitist of all Wapanese. Most will throw random Japanese phrases into their sentence like any other Wapanese, but can be hostile when accused of being weeaboo:
- Uses japanese characters instead of "romaji"
- Will state that (although they are white and american) they have been introduced to japanese culture at a young age and have grown up with it, even though discovering animu at the age of thirteen does not count.
- Instead of the usual "BAKA DESU! BAKA DESU NE!!!" fit when confronted, will instead write a TL;DR whine-fest about how HA HA HA, WE MAKE THEM LAUGH HOW SAD THAT THEY DO NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT WE JEALOUS FAT LOSERS SAY then proceed to write an ANGRY RANT on every weeaboo account that they have, including livejournal, deviantart, myspace, gaia online, japlog, etc.
- Will go to the anime/manga threads on sites like gaia or deviantart and laughingly direct them to this article, accusing them of being a wapanese.
Classic examples of hypocrite Wapanese LJ user:
[edit] The Curious (Mating Habits of the) Wapanese
While most Wapanese maintain that they will only settle for a real-live Japanese, most of them invariably end up settling for another Wapanese. The pair will go about collecting all sorts of little Japanese trinkets together, watching Naruto and Battle Royale endlessly together and making statements like, "Isn't it kawaii how they loved each other so much they jiatsu'd off the cliff together desu ka?" while secretly wishing they'd actually found a Japanese person, or at least an Azn.
A lucky few Wapanese will manage to find an Azn who is in self-denial and chooses to be oblivious to the Wapanese's obvious fetish for a culture that the azn has nothing to do with, and may even pretend to be Japanese themselves despite being Korean or Chinese.
Usually this azn is a BBW and has low self esteem or aspergers, but, this matters little to the Wapanese, who is just happy to have some oriental poon to lick. Fewer still are the Wapanese who manage to find and not alienate a Japanese with their overwhelming misunderstanding fanboyism of Japanese culture.
These lucky few are usually so giddy that they are actually getting to hold the hand of a Japanese person that they fail to realize that their Japanese girl/boyfriend is only in it for the greencard and has few feelings other than embarrassed disdain for them.
While this latter Wapanese thinks themselves to be l33t, is no longer talking to their American friends, and is planning on moving to rural Japan with their beloved to live on a farm like a Hayao Miyazaki film, buy a Nissan Skyline GTR and raise a whole litter of hapa children, their Japanese spouse is counting the days until they're a naturalized citizen and can divorce without the threat of being deported like a Mexican so that they can take their time dating and finding an American they actually like. Hiniku na, desu ne? Hai, anata wa chieokure to yoboyobo to panti dorobo no desu! Anata wa chiryo ni iki masu.
- Interesting Legal point: The is no official Age of Consent in Japan. Technically you're a pedo if you stick it in a 90 year old grandma. In fact, every single citizen of japan who has had some dick or pussy fun is technically a criminal now. The one that aren't are already war criminals, that is.
Most true weaboos however settle for a lifelong relationship with Osaka from Azumanga Daioh and a lonely life of masturbation. Or they just rape over 200 underage Asian boys instead.
[edit] Useful Wapanese phrases
Some common Wapanese phrases you may hear that will help you identify a Japanophile:
- "Kawaii!" (Wapanese standard warning for, "Do Not Look Directly At.")
- "Konnichiwa!" (Japanese mating call of the North American Giant Douchebag.)
- "Baka!" (Noise made when clearing throat to dislodge half-eaten sticks of Pocky, a popular snack formed in a pointless stick shape.)
- "-Chan" (Appended to every name to make it sound "kawaii.")
- "Sugoi!" {Phrase said when they're sure they've found their new mating partner. Most likely Japanese, or Asian, if not, then a Wapanese like themselves.)
- "Ne!" (Usually said after sentences, a sign for the listener to punch them in the face. Is actually equivalent to amirite but no Wapanese realize this)
- "Itai!" (Heard when Wapanese hurts themselves. Signals the hearer to hurt them more.)
- "Desu!" (Wapanese place this at the end of every sentence, Desu!, regardless of it's contextual innaccuracy. Popularized by Rozen Maiden Animu, Amuria and other such faggotry.)
Some Japanophiles spend actual money (given to them by their parents)to buy textbooks that they usually read only the first few pages of and then put down to read ass-backwards comics big-eyed characters and tentacles.
When encountering a Japanophile, it's best not to mention anything that could be related to something that could be likened to something that is marketed or found or approved of in Japan, such as books or food, PS3's or oxygen. Humans who tried to academically dispute the superiority of this xenophobic culture back in 1998 are still locked in unwilling debate today, or possibly just died standing up.
[edit] Wapanese Karaoke
Many wapanese enjoy singing Japanese or some other sort of Chinky music at karaoke sessions, and due to their lack of ability to use the Japanese language, added to the massive amount of AIDS present in their bodies and complete lack of singing ability, they do not fully understand how much the world suffers from hearing them. Youtube also features many of these racially (and in some cases, sexually) confused douchebags.
[edit] Retaliation
Many people hate the Wapanese Wiggers and few know how to properly deal with them and their ways. Their mindless parroting of eastern philosophies and culture does little to properly convince their opponents that there isn't a major malfunction somewhere inside their empty skulls.
Here is a handy video of how to deal with a basement dwelling Wapanese in a group setting with the help of Team Fortress 2. Listen to how the Wapanese upholds such Japanese ideals as honor, tries to defend "Ellen", high quality exports, and Tentacle porn! He loves to make Azns laugh though. It could be argued that no finer specimen of the Wapanese persuasion has ever been caught on film.
Take note how, as always, the weeaboo is moar racist than the trolls using racist rhetoric to fuck with them:
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[edit] See also
- Arudou Debito
- Applemilk1988
- Comic book fans
- Cupcakeandtea
- Desu-radio
- Dontopen-youreyes
- Drexel University
- Fred Gallagher
- Fucking otaku
- Hidoshi
- Itachikunlover
- JAPAN IS SUPERIOR!
- Krapanese
- Kokido
- Ladygaia87
- Makhan
- Natsuko-kun
- Neffy
- Pantaloons
- Pink Spider
- Popcorn
- Ryoukitten
- Ryulong
- Se-chan
- Tara Gilesbie, author of My Immortal
- Uncle Kage
- Valerie (Pai)
- Yumi-Misaki
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Wapanese is related to a series on AZNS. |
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Wapanese is part of a series on Anime. |
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