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[[Image:Chainofmales.jpg|thumb|right|It is interesting to note that the "Chain, Male" is a double 'homonym' for Chain Mail.]]
[[Image:Fuckingbirds.jpg|thumb|right|A common fate for those who do not follow the instructions in chain letters.]]

Chain Letters are the man train of the [[MySpace| MySpace Community]], and for that matter, any community on the [[internet]]s. Just like a man train, they too, have increasing levels of [[GayGod|faggotry]].  Commonly offering [[eppigy|divine]] assistance in [[Rape|getting some]], and threats of [[Shit_nobody_cares_about|YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO REPOST OR THE RE-ANIMATED CORPSE OF MR. ROGERS WILL COME AT PRECISELY ONE IN THE MORNING AND RAPE YOU IN THE NOSTRILS AND KILL YOUR GERBIL!!!!!!1!!111]], the true motives behind the creation of chain letters are [[it is a mystery|unknown]]. [[You|One]] could speculate that they serve to grow the [[e-penis]] of the [[loser|under-visited MySpace user]] that makes them.  Whatever the case, chain letters spread like [[AIDS|the plague]] across the expanses of the internet as soon as they are spawned.  Some are used to convince [[lonely]] [[16-year-old girl]]s that they should become [[an hero]], since they don't have 20 friends to pass it on to.  Chain letters also provide [[leet|tech-savvy]] grandmas happy emails about [[Jesus]] and [[love]] that they can forward to their grandchildren to be promptly deleted, and give underpaid office workers [[Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense|lame jokes]] to pass around throughout the building, wasting time and company [[bandwidth]]. Chain letters are also the best way to tell if your [[MySpace| MySpace]] friends are total [[faggotry |faggots]]. 

Below are some examples of common chain letters:

== Make a Wish!!! ==
[[Image:Seisurecatchainletter.gif|thumb|right|This type of chain letter is how [[furfag]]s on [[MySpace]] greet each other.]]

This type of chain letter typically promises to grant wishes for or smite the receiver, depending on how many people it is forwarded on to.  In the [[past]], these chain letters would commonly have epic [[Ascii art]] that would appear to be animated while scrolling down.  Now the [[lazy]] writers merely attach sickeningly cute animated [[gif]]s to their chain letters, along with the latest [[virus]].

<span id="WishLink" class="toggleLink"></span>
<span id="WishCollapseText" style="display: none;">[Not that, you pervert!!]</span>
<span id="WishExpandText" style="display: none;">[Go on and make a wish!!!]</span>
<span id="WishInitialState" style="display: none;">0</span>
<div id="Wish" style="padding: 5px; border: 1px solid black;">

''Make a wish!!!''

No, really, go on and make one!!!

''Oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!!''

''Wish something else!!!''

''Now scroll down!''

''Hope you made a great wish! Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do: First of all, if you don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here’s how it goes:''

''Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.''

''Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.''

''Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.''

''Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.''

''Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!''
</div>


==[[Unrealistic expectations|Never Going to Fucking Happen]]==
Chain letters that [[Noone]] is qualified to forward:

<span id="PerfectguyLink" class="toggleLink"></span>
<span id="PerfectguyCollapseText" style="display: none;">[Click to hide these unrealistic expectations!]</span>
<span id="PerfectguyExpandText" style="display: none;">[To every guy that does not exist...]</span>
<span id="PerfectguyInitialState" style="display: none;">0</span>
<div id="Perfectguy" style="padding: 5px; border: 1px solid black;">
''To every guy that's said, "Sex CAN wait''

''To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful.''

''To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.''

''To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.''

''To every guy who has given her flowers just because.''

''To every guy that said he would die for her.''

''To every guy that really would.''

''To every guy that took time to do what she wanted to do.''

''To every guy that she cried in front of.''

''To every guy that holds hands with her.''

''To every guy that kisses her with meaning.''

''To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.''

''To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.''

''To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.''

''To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.''

''To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours''

''just to see her for ten minutes.''

''To every guy that would give his seat up.''

''To every guy that just wants to cuddle.''

''To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful''
''no matter what.''
''To every guy who told his secrets to her.''

''To every guy that tried to show how much he cared''

''through every word and every breath.''

''To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.''

''To every guy that believed in her dreams.''

''To every guy that would have done anything
so she could achieve them.''

''To every guy that never laughed at her
when she told him her dreams.''

''To every guy that walked her to her car.''

''To every guy that gave his heart.''

''To every guy who prays that she is happy''

''even if you are not with her.''



''...This one bulletin is for you...''


''Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore...
And because of this, there are not many left out there...''

''i guarantee 90% of the men on your page will not repost this cuz they care more about their image''

''If you are a nice guy repost this with "We're a Dying Breed "''

''If you are a girl that thinks every guy should treat a girl this way repost this with: "To Every Guy..."''
</div>


==The Guilt Inducer==
[[Image:Chainmail.jpg|thumb|right|Chain mail has been known to magically fend off attention from the opposite sex.]]

''SORRY!!!! WHEN U ALREADY START READING THIS DON'T STOP OR ELSE SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN...MY NAME IS JENNY...I AM 7 YEARS OLD WITH RED/ORANGE HAIR, [[lolwut|PENCIL SHAVINGS THAT GOT SHOVED UP MY BUTT]] , MY MOTHER BEATS ME I LIVE IN A CELL WITH NO WINDOWS DOORS AND NO LIGHT, I HAVE RED SCARY EYES AND I HAVE NO NOSE OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF YOU DON'T SEND THIS TO 15PPL B4 U GO TO BED I WILL APPEAR 2NIGHT WITH A KNIFE AND KILL U THIS IS NO JOKE SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO U AT 10:22 SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU OR TALK TO YOU ONLINE AND SAY I LOVE YOU OR ASK YOU OUT BUT HERES THE CATCH, YOU HAVE TO SEND IT TO 15 DIFFERENT PEOPLE...YOU CANNOT SEND IT TO ME"""""''

==The Bull==

''Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since [[at least 100 years ago]]. This is absolutely incredible because there was no [[e-mail]] then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:''

''Bizarre Horror Story ..1: Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of [[shit]], and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell like shit, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!''

''Bizarre Horror Story ..2: Dexter Bip, a [[13 year old boy]], got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his [[fag|boyfriend]] (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat [[lolcats]] every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!''

''Bizarre Horror Story ..3: Ferguson Montgomery, a cute little puppy from [[Boston]], had received this letter, and totally ignored it. When walking on the lawn [[last Thursday]], he was suddenly abducted by his [[neighbour]] Bluto, felt gay rape for the first, second and sixty-third time, and then was banished to a U.S. Navy battle ship to satisfy [[over 9000]] dograping sailors. This Could Also Happen To You!!!''

''Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley, Bip and Ferguson Montgomery. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.  Don't break the chain!!!''

==[[Poetry|Annoying Poetry]]==
[[Image:ChainmailFgt.jpg|thumb|right|Some chain mail is more threatening than other chain mail.]]

''As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends!!!''

''Friends''

''A friend is someone who is always at your side,''

''A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you’ve been eating catfood,''

''A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes,''

''A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,''

''A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life,''

''A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats,''

''A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English… * no, sorry that’s the cleaning lady,''

''A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll never have sex ever again.''

==The Quiz==

''lolz i made up a quiz and u should anwser it but u have 2 do it in the next 5 minutes or [[your mom]] will die.''

''1. wat r u wearing''

''2. would u have sex with me''

''3. how big r ur [[tits|b00bs]]''

''now anwer and send it 2 everyone u know with the title "quiz for [[retards|friends]]" lolz''

==The Technologically-Impossible Lie==

''Hi, this chain letter is most incredible thing ever created since the invention of MySpace, that fucked up market for pedophiles and other various deformed cam whores who take pictures in their bathrooms because they have tiny bladders. Anyway, if you send this to 349023 in the next 4532 seconds, a mad goat will jump out of the screen and have wild goat sex with you! Yes, you will finally lose your extreme virginity! A big button will pop up after you send this and all you have to do is click!''

''But make sure to send it to 349023 people, not 349022 or 349021, because or else that little boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen will jump out and pummel you to death with a shovel with his nonexistent arms. Really!!! So do this, and you can get raped by a goat! No matter that this is just a really lame trick to try to get you to send it out, and that if you don’t you won’t even get the Baklaliviatatlaglooshen boy. ''

''So send this to your loser friends and click the button, but you don’t have 349023 friends anyway so even if it’s true you’ll never know! HAHA.''

==The Panic Inducer==

This type of chain letter puts you in immediate danger just by opening it.

<span id="ToolateLink" class="toggleLink"></span>
<span id="ToolateCollapseText" style="display: none;">[OSHI-]</span>
<span id="ToolateExpandText" style="display: none;">[Be careful what you expand...]</span>
<span id="ToolateInitialState" style="display: none;">0</span>
<div id="Toolate" style="padding: 5px; border: 1px solid black;">
''TOO LATE!''

''Since, you opened this, you will die 24 hours from now.''

''If you repost this, you will kiss the love of your life on Friday.''
</div>

Other, similar chain letters give highly detailed and [[lulz|hilarious]] descriptions of the [[goatse|horrors]] that await you if you do not immediately pass it on.

<span id="ClownLink" class="toggleLink"></span>
<span id="ClownCollapseText" style="display: none;">[I am so freaked out right now...]</span>
<span id="ClownExpandText" style="display: none;">[This was the best they could come up with?]</span>
<span id="ClownInitialState" style="display: none;">0</span>
<div id="Clown" style="padding: 5px; border: 1px solid black;">
''Don't stop reading this or something VERY BAD will happen to you in exactly 5 hours and 22 minutes. This is extremely freaky.''

''During a thunderstorm''

''Beth: Hey Ben! Sup?''

''Ben: Uhhh ... nothing much about to go to a party ... ha-ha you?''

''Beth: Ha-ha nice ... uhhh just staying in for the night.''

''Ben: I have this huge favor to ask you ...''

''Beth: Yeah ... what?''

''Ben: Can you please come over and watch my brother for me? I won't be able to go if no one watches him.''

''Beth: Uhhh ... well....''

''Ben: Please Beth!''

''Beth: *Sighs* Alright. I'll be over in a few minutes.''

''A few minutes later, Beth arrives at Ben's house.''

''Ben: Hey, thanks so much!''

''Beth: Hehe. No problem. By the way, you look really nice.''

''Ben: Thanks! Anyways, here's my number. Call me in about an hour and tell me how everything is, okay?''

''Beth: Alright, bye!''

''Then Ben left. Beth headed over to Ben's younger brother.''

''Beth: Hey sport!''

''John: Hi Beth ... I'm really scared ...''

''Beth: Awww ... don't be. I'm here. Lets turn on some T.V.''

''As Beth walked over to the T.V. , the lights suddenly went out. John freaked out and screamed!''

''Beth: John, it's okay. I have a flashlight. Hold on, one second. Darn it! The flashlight doesn't work! Uhmmm ... okay, okay, lets go up to your brother's room. I think he has an extra one.''

''John: *mumbles* okay.''

''As Beth and John headed up towards Ben's room, they heard a creepy laughter that brought chills up their spines.''

''John: *screams* what was that?!''

''Beth: John stop doing that. Let me call your brother and ask where the flashlight is.''

''John: But I didn't ... ''

''John's voice started to fade away ...''

''Beth: Hey Ben! How's the party?''

''Ben: Good, thanks! Listen I got to go. Can I call you in 5 minutes?''

''Beth: Sure. But where's the flashlight in your room?''

''Ben: Oh, Uhmmm ... it's under my bed, to the left. I think.''

''Beth walks over to Ben's bed and screams.''

''Beth: Oh my God!''

''Ben: What happened?!''

''Beth: Oh, ha-ha. Nothing, I didn't know you had a clown statue in your bedroom. It scared me half to death Especially the bloody knife on its hand. It looks so real! Where did you get it? Did you get it at the Halloween store?''

''Ben: Beth ... I don't have a clown statue in my bedroom.''

''The line quickly goes dead. Ben started panicking and raced home as fast as he can. When he got home, he ran into his bedroom, where Beth was no where to be seen. He saw his brother lying on his bed.''

''Ben: *rolls his eyes and said to himself* I can't believe Beth would play such an awful trick on me.''

''He went and sat down at his computer and pulled up myspace. He went into his myspace account and checked his bulletins. I noticed that he had a random new friend. The profile picture was a freaky clown face. That made him freak out a bit. Then he saw that the mysterious clown friend had posted a bulletin called "Clowning Around". Ben opened the bulletin and started to read it. This was the same bulletin that he saw last night! He got freaked out and didn't repost it.''

''Trembling, he got in his bed, next to his brother and kissed his cheek good night.''

''Ben: You can sleep here with me tonight, Sport. Good night.''

''Suddenly, the figure in the bed turned to Ben.''

''Clown: Now its your turn.''

''Ben let out a high pitch screamed and the clown killed him. After the job was done, the clown threw Ben under the bed along with Beth and John.''



''If you don't repost this in the next 10 minutes, the clown will appear by your bed tonight, while you're sleeping and the same ending will happen to you.''


''SEND THIS TO AT least 20 ppl in the next 20 min or that clown will appear. ''
</div>

==The Connection Between a Chain Letter and An Hero==
Believe it or not, there are people out there who want (and need) to end their life.  But why go through the trouble of hanging yourself when sweet, sweet oblivion is right there on MySpace?  Many have found "chainlettericide" to be a quick and easy solution.  Here's how:

1. A 16-year-old boy hates life.  He decides to become an hero.

2. He searches the internets for a chain letter.

3. He finds a letter detailing the murder of 8-year-old Maria Octavio.

4. He reads the letter, but ignores the dire warnings of not forwarding the letter.

5. At 1 o'clock the next morning, Maria's ghost appears over his bed with a wilted rose in her left hand and a phallic object in her right hand.  She then proceeds to shove the phallic object up his ass until he dies of phallic-object-up-his-ass.

6. ?????

7. Profit!!!

==Trolling==
[[Duh|Chain letters are also troll material]]. The amount of lulz correlates to the level of [[sick fuck]] in a troll's chain letter. [[Prove_me_wrong|This message has been proven effective]] in causing butthurt and lulz amongst Facebook faggots and children.

"On may 6th, 2009, a teenage girl named Taylor posted a status on Facebook. She was never replied to. She got butthurt because she thought that her life actually mattered to other people. She decided to killed herself brutally with the help of her midget friend Katherine and her aspie friend Sophia. She chainsawed her toes off, shoved them up her loose asshole, gutted herself and hanged herself with her small intestine. Taylor's friends promptly joined in. Her soul haunts this message. Once you read this, you have to break your computer monitor, rent a gun and shoot yourself in the arm. If you don't do this, Taylor will castrate you, rape you with a sandpaper dildo, file your skin off and burn you. She will then proceed to season and cook your skin for a shitsteak. You have 30 minutes."

==External Links==
*[http://breakthechain.org These guys ruin all the fun]
*[http://Myspace.com The asshole of all chain mail]


[[Category: Internets Phenomena]]