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<centeR>[[Image:Comcast.jpg]]<br></center>'''Comcast disease''' is a term commonly used to describe a debilitating condition, known formally as ''Goldstein-Feinberg Proletarian ISP customer relay chat sclerosis'', which affects the customers of a certain large internet provider in the United States.

==Signs and symptoms==
The onset of symptoms is usually within 0 minutes to -5 minutes from the time that a Comcast connection is set up at a residence or office.  The disease is characterized by constant ping-outs on IRC, intermittent connection failures lasting an hour or more, and occasional day-long internet lossage.

You are more susceptible to the disease if you rent your modem from Comcast.

==Diagnosis==
Diagnosis of GFPICRCS can be based on a simple clinical test called 'staying connected to IRC'.  A healthy customer's session will look like the following:
<pre>
01:03 -!- noway [yay@jew-HF84HFD5.dsl.speakeasy.net] joins #internet-elitists
01:12 <noway> you guys suck shit
01:34 <noway> fuck off, bitches
02:11 <noway> eat shit and die
</pre>
A Comcast Disease sufferer's session will often look more like the following:
<pre>
01:03 -!- noway [yay@jew-AF83HDB1.hsd1.il.comcast.net] joins #internet-elitists
01:04 -!- noway_ [yay@jew-AF83HDB1.hsd1.il.comcast.net] joins #internet-elitists
01:04 -!- noway [yay@jew-AF83HDB1.hsd1.il.comcast.net] has quit: Ping timeout
01:05 -!- noway_ is now known as noway
01:05 -!- noway_ [yay@jew-AF83HDB1.hsd1.il.comcast.net] joins #internet-elitists
01:06 -!- noway [yay@jew-AF83HDB1.hsd1.il.comcast.net] has quit: Ping timeout
01:06 -!- noway_ is now known as noway
01:07 -!- noway_ [yay@jew-AF83HDB1.hsd1.il.comcast.net] joins #internet-elitists
01:07 -!- noway [yay@jew-AF83HDB1.hsd1.il.comcast.net] has quit: Ping timeout
01:10 -!- noway_ is now known as noway
</pre>
A trained professional is required to make an official diagnosis of Comcast Disease. [[Portal|Cake, and grief counseling, are provided after the test]].

==Causes==
Intensive investigation has led to a generally-accepted theory on the origins of GFPICRCS, namely that Comcast is a shitty ISP.  A more in-depth analysis of the disease, submitted by Nathaniel Goldenblumfeldschwartz to the ''Journal of IRC Studies'', postulates that Comcast's infrastructure has not kept pace with its rapid adoption and constant cap increases, leading to an overburdened network that repeatedly fails.

[[Image:Turtles_fuck.jpg|right|frame|Witty commercials attempt to shroud the true fucking Comcast customers receive.]]
Another camp exists on the fringe of IRC studies which posits that Comcast disease is not a function of Comcast's network itself, but rather of the shitty spyware-laden computers that belong to every [[prole]] customer too cheap to use a better Internet service.  Top scientists have gone to Bermuda to take part in an ongoing study on this previously shunned theory.  [[Cake]] will be served.

==Prognosis==
Comcast Disease is not terminal, though it may lead to users offing themselves in frustration.

==Treatment==
Comcast Disease is treatable by switching to a better ISP, such as [[AOL]] or [http://www.dslextreme.com DSLextreme].  Another cure is to be butthurt, and whine on [http://www.f-comcast.com F-Comcast.com].
==Related Disorders==
It has been postulated that Comcast Disease is related to the [[User:That Thing There/Verizon|Verizon "Walled Garden" Flu]], though no peer-reviewed journal articles have yet to make this claim.
[[Image:Comcast challenge.jpg|thumb|The Comcast Challenge]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]][[Category:Internets Phenomena]]