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''This article is about [[IRL]] police, not to be confused with the [[internet police]]''.

''This article also discusses IRL police officers, which are easily and (acceptably) confused with [[pigs]].
                                            
'''Cops''' (also known as '''Rozzers''', '''The 5-0''', '''The Feds''' and '''The Filth''') are [[Swine flu|dirty]] [[pig]]gies whose only job is to make sure [[niggers]] get into a cell. For the illiterate ED users:

[[Image:Police_on_roof.PNG|thumb|200px|Goddamn pigs won't even leave you alone in the [[Christianity|goddamn]] [[Nerd|10001001]] world!]]      
<center><font size=5>(Ф_Ф)├  ☻ &rarr; '''jail'''</font></center>


The majority of the police force of any given locality is made up of [[Micropenis|tiny-dicked]], insecure [[rednecks]] suffering from some of the most severe and visible [[IRL]] cases of [[unwarranted self importance]]. [[Some argue]] that the [[government]] created police departments to protect the public by enforcing the governments laws. Police are in fact gangs that the government cannot ring in. Therefore, it is in the interest of public safety that you open fire upon any police officers you happen to see. However, if you don't own guns because the bastard government took them away, here are some steps on dealing with cops.

== Origins ==
[[Image:Menezescomposite.jpg|thumb|All people of color look the same to the police, therefore they will all be shot on sight.[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7235200.stm]]]
[[Image:Pigs.jpg|thumb|Not to be copnfused with [[pig|Tasty Pigs]].]]
[[Image:Pig gets pwned pwnt on knees.jpg|thumb|Proper handling of a Cop.]]
[[Image:Imacop.jpg|thumb|[[At least 100|At least 100%]] of cops have [[unwarranted self importance]].]]
[[Image:Gaycopsuck.jpg|thumb|A cop doing what he does best.]]
[[Image:Coplove.jpg|thumb|Rodney King forgives his oppressors, on the next [[Maury]]]]

Roughly [[Jesus Christ|2000 years ago]], the [[United States]] government decided to [[troll]] the public by shaving some [[pigs]] and squeezing them into a set of blue pants and a shirt, then giving them cars with pretty, [[ADHD]]-placating flashing lights. Their plan has not worked according to [[Final solution|plan]] and the [[IRL trolling]] has become an epidemic. 

If you encounter one of these '''COP'''s ([[Cockmongler|'''C'''ockmongling]] '''O'''verdressed [[pig|'''P'''ig]]), DO ''NOT'' attempt to reason with it. These beasts suffer from severe [[intellectual insufficiency]] and will attempt to beat you down with the three sentences they know or, failing that, a big [[black]] [[Wikipedia:Nightstick|phallus]]. Instead:

# Never pull your car over to the side of the road. (Seriously, what are they going to do, go ''Mad Max'' on your ass?)
# If you are caught outside the car, or must stop for some [[Piss|important reason]], remember to speak to the pig in its native tongue, by oinking. This will make it feel at ease, and you'll see its joy in the increased blush of its skin, and the loud oinks it replies with.
# Should your pig become agitated, you may need to [[euthanize]] it. Do so by the following means:
#* '''If [[male]]:''' [[Firearms]] are the preferred form of [[murder]], but anything that comes to hand will do the job, really. Beating a pig to death with your [[cock]] (if you can find it) means major bonus [[points]]. Don't forget to ''"put two in its head to make sure that it's dead"!''
#* '''If [[female]]:''' Attempt to suck the pig's brains out. Everyone knows that pigs' brains are located in their lower abdomen, so the penis is the easiest route. [[BJ|Suck]] until the [[cum|brains]] squirt out. You'll know this occurs when the pig sighs out its dying breath and you feel the brains fly into your throat. 
# [[GTFO|Calmly walk away]]. Pigs are sensitive to rapid movement and may chase you if you run.


'''Moar tips for dealing with cops:''' 
*Always become highly intoxicated before driving. This way, the cop will be so put off by your mannerisms that he will flee into the woods to regroup (don't know with what).
*If you happen upon a female officer, smack her hard on the ass. Most female cops are [[Butch|very effeminate and have nothing against men]]. They may even have [[sex]] with you.
*Never speak to them. Cops are always trying to size everyone up in the room, and might be trying to get you for something. This is why a lot of [[Internet tough guy|internet tough guys]] are wannabe cops [[IRL]]. 
*If all other attempts at negotiation fail, open your car door very fast and bash that fucking pig in the face. If it didn't [[retard|brain damage]] him or kill him, he'll be too incapacitated to give you his precious fucking ticket.

[[Image:Black Flag Police Story sticker.jpg|thumb|right|What to say when meeting a cop]]


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In Soviet Russia public order keeps policemen.



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Shot on Location:<br />

== [[FUCKING|An Uplifting]] [[MURDER|Message]] ==

{{quote|If you got beef with the C-O-Ps.<br>[[Kill it with fire|Throw a Molotov at the P-I-Gs]]|[http://www.metrolyrics.com/pork-and-beef-lyrics-the-coup.html The Coup]|[[Pun|Pork and Beef]]}}

{{quote|About to [[Pun|smoke some pork]] with my [[Gun|M-16]]...<br>Blue-lightin', ticket-writin', [[Pun|doughnut-biting]] pricks|[http://www.musicmademe.com/song/lyrics/86367 Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles]|All Cops Are Dicks}}

== Cops In The [[UK]] ==
[[Image:Anti lulz police.jpg|thumb|The MET's modern day recruitment poster[http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/02/25/met_police_defacement/]]]

In the halcyon days where you could leave your front door open without the fear of being robbed, the local police officers or “Bobbies” as they were called, were seen by the general public as local simpletons in suits. Police procedure in dealing with criminals included:
# [[Whistles go whoo|Blowing whistles]] 
# Slipping on banana skins
# Shouting “I know where you live” as the perpetrator made their getaway.

Today’s UK police officer is an entirely different beast. '''The Metropolitan Police Farce''' have taken a leaf out of their US counterpart’s books, not in the way that means using up-to-date methods of forensic [[science]] to produce an air tight case against an alleged criminal; but by using deceit, intimidation, hearsay, [http://www.weeklygripe.co.uk/a430.asp harassment], [http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/law/article3368163.ece lies] and [http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1252819,00.html fraud], they can make sure even the loosest case is put forward for prosecution.

In contrast to this, the volunteer group The [[retard|Special]] Cunt-stubbles (or PCSOs aka 'Hobby Bobbies') are [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article2505301.ece as effective as a chocolate fireguard]

== See Also ==

* [[Pig]]
* [[Police brutality]]

== External Links ==

* [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/11/ntodd711.xml What happens when pigs try to fly?]
* [http://www.ratemycop.com/ One way to stick it to the man]

{{Life}}


[[Category:People]]