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Flash

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Revision as of 18:37, 28 August 2009 by Landersey (Talk | Contribs)
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Behold the power of flash!
Behold the power of flash!
Flash would go on to be dramouted as hacker software by internet god, T. Reginald Gibbons.
Flash would go on to be dramouted as hacker software by internet god, T. Reginald Gibbons.

Flash is a trojan horse computer virus designed to prevent people under 25 from ever procreating. While flash poses as that thing you need to make youtube work, Flash is named after its ulterior motive. Flash's real goal is to make laptops run so incredibly hot that the heat generated will "flash" the users nuts with enough heat to render them sterile.

Contents

History

In the late 90's, flash somehow got into the hands of some sweaty, fat-assed, nerds who decided to use it to make hentai and poorly created stick figure animations, sex kitten games and sim dates. These "cartoons" and "interactive games" became popular when people realized the Internet could do a lot cooler things than showing images of dancing hamsters. Flash "artists" immediately set to work creating flash files of dancing hamsters. These were then uploaded to Newgrounds (moar like Newbgrounds, amirite?).

Small businesses began to catch on to the cartooning craze, and began asking 13 year olds to develop tedious flash intros for their shitty companies.

A few cutting edge big businesses began incorporating flash, but they were quickly bankrupted by the huge cost of doing business with 13 year olds:

"Here is your update. I made the red button again but I still do not understand when you say the red is different because of your paradigm. Can you provide the hex codes for your color instead of Pantene colors? This update is free but the last one will cost $10. I hope that is ok. Also, how long does it take to get a cheque, I have not received the first one yet ($40). I am not sure if Flash can control your Router and Oracles, I will get back to you on that. Thank you very much for your services, signed CEO of BounceGrafix 2000 Design."

and also by lawsuits filed by the Java Programmer Old Man's Union.

Purchasing Pirating

Flash is somewhat expensive costs over 9000 dollars, so it is often pirated. Newer versions incorporate copy-protection measures which are more difficult to crack even easier to break.

How to draw a square using Flash Studio CS3 CS4 ActionScript 3.0 Flex

1. Click the square tool
2. Draw a square on the screen
3. Select it and click Transform > Align To Center 
package{
import flash.display.Sprite; 
public class simple_shape extends Sprite{ 
var square:Sprite; 
public function simple_shape(){
square = new Sprite();
addChild(square);
square.graphics.lineStyle(3,0x00ff00);
square.graphics.beginFill(0x0000FF);
square.graphics.drawRect(0,0,100,100);
square.graphics.endFill();
square.x = stage.stageWidth/2-square.width/2;
square.y = stage.stageHeight/2-square.height/2;
}}
}

How to be hired by a big company as a Flash Developer

  • Buy templates from the 3rd world and say you made them
  • Use the copypasta method of programming.

How to be hired by a big company as a Flash Cartoonist

  • Work for free

Shitty flash toons and flash "artists"


Flash as a prank

Alternatives to Flash

External Links:

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