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<div style="text-align:center; background: #F8F8F8; border: 1px solid #DDDDDD; padding: 5px;" class="notice metadata" id="spoilers">This page contains spoilers &mdash; Important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, <br />'''HOLY SHIT the bitch was dateraped by Van der [[shit|Sloot]], he confessed it on TV!!!'''</div>

[[Image:Where's natalee.jpg|thumb|I hope they didn't already circle all the fucking answers.]]

'''Natalee Holloway''' (moar liek Natalee Haulaway, [[amirite]]?) is a [[meme]] about an alcoholic teenager who [[rape|hooked up with some ugly boys]] she had just met in a foreign country she had never been to before at 2:00 in the morning.

==Biography of Holloway==

[[Image:Mexicofindnatalee.jpg|thumb|The reward totals less than she'd charge for feltching.]]

Natalee Holloway was a filthy, [[whore|whorish]] 17-year-old graduate of some upper middle-class suburbanite high school in [[incest|Alabama]] who disappeared in Aruba during the early hours of May 30, 2005, after she ran off with a group of older male friends to engage in various typical teenage social activities, including [[anal sex|double anal penetration]], [[bukkake]], [[crap|scat]], [[piss]], [[bestiality]], [[Guro|skull-fucking]], and [[bondage]]. Holloway and 124 of her fellow [[white people|white]] peers were on a senior class trip, because they obviously had nothing better to do with their parents' money.

The night she disappeared, Holloway ate like the [[fat]] cow she is, drank copious quantities of hard [[alcohol]], and danced inappropriately with several unknown nigger bucks at Carlos 'n' Charlie’s bar and restaurant. She did not appear for her return flight hours later, probably because she had not [[recovered]] from the effects of the [[Beltboy|Rohypnol]].

So, the bitch went missing. 

Due to the inability of [[goatse|the Aruban government]] to get their shit together and find her body, 90% of the news during the summer of 2005 consisted of "HOLY SHIT Van der [[shit|Sloot]] is in custody!!!!!!" That was, until [[George Bush doesn't care about black people|Hurricane Katrina]] stole the spotlight and the [[lulz]] shifted toward the blacks in chaos in [[New Orleans]].

What the fuck kind of name is Van der [[shit|Sloot]], anyway. Moarliek Bang der Slut, [[amirite]]?

Her disappearance also allowed her [[attention whore]] of a [[your mom|mother]] to appear on [[old media|cable news networks and morning news programs]] 24 hours a day for [[at least 100 years]].

Fun Fact : From personal interviews, it has been discovered that no one misses Natalee at her own school. She srsly was a big [[whore]] that no one liked.

==Kuro5hin Article==

[[Image:Mexicoguy.jpg|thumb|The search has been outsourced to Mexican hackers.]]

The [[IRL]] [[Natalee Holloway]] media drama sept into a lulz-torrent of [[internet|intenets]] drama when [[kuro5hin]] (c.f., like [[slashdot]] but with some intentional fiction) ran a front page article with the title "Fuck Natalee Holloway" that happened to be the number one [[god|Google]] result during the crest of the media maelstrom. During which, the site experienced an influx of enraged [[AOL|AOLers]] that were livid that anyone would speak such [[fursecution|hateful words]] against such an [[whore|innocent snowflake angel]]. Again serving as a testament to the [[George Bush|general literacy levels]] of [[AOL]] users, it was apparent that most of the posts were about the juxtaposition of the words [[fuck]] and [[Natalee Holloway]] and not about the article which was [[copypasta]] [[liberal]] [[bullshit]] about how, if it were [[user:Sheneequa|Sheneequa Narayray]]  from [[The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air|West Philadelphia]] instead of [[Natalee Holloway]], [[noone]] would care. [[A Plus|A++++++++++++++]], as this drama involved both the smart corners of the internet and the not so smart corners.

===Example comments===

<pre>
Subject: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!! 
User: roseWallpaper 

I still can't believe what's on the front page about Natalie 
though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I clicked on the 'Everything' icon located at the top
 left of this page and just couldn't comprehend the *ABSOLUTE SICK HORROR* that 
fell before my eyes!!!! What is this world coming to??? 
</pre>
<pre>
Subject: You have no shame. 
User: Egil Skallagrimson 

Let the poor girl rest and peace and stop trying to make money off her corpse.
</pre>
<pre>
Subject: FUCK ALL OF U!!!!!! 
User: BostonGirl78 

YOu know, I think it's pathetic how all these people are just talking shit about 
Natalee and her family! She didn't ask to go missing and maybe killed, this isn't 
her fault. Her mom didn't ask to have to go through this hell to find her daughter.
 Come on u r saying that kids only go to other countries so they can drink? Get 
real!!! First of all, I don't drink and I have been to Aruba, Mexico, and the 
Virgin Islands. I was 16-18 at the time of my trips. Second of all, if I was an 
underage drinker, I think I would rather have an older friend buy me alcohol at a 
local store than spend thousands of dollars to go to a foreign country just to 
drink!!! And no one knows if Natalee was even drunk. Oh but wait the suspects said 
she was so that must be correct right? I am also sick of people saying that she is 
getting all this media coverage cause she is white. Does anyone remember a few 
weeks ago when the little boys were found dead in the trunk of a car? They were 
hispanic and had tons of media coverage from the time they went missing till they 
were found. Personally I don't think it matters what color or race u r. I think it 
depends on the situation. Natalee is an American missing in a foreign country 
w/little crime. She basically just vanished, there is no sign of her being dead or 
alive so it's a mystery. How often does this happen. I mean, I know it has before 
but it doesn't happen that often. Her mom is also fighting to find her and is 
willing to always talk to the media. Come on people, wouldn't u do the same if it 
was your family member or if u thought your child was dead? Natalee's mom didn't 
"send" her to Aruba and it's not her fault, Natalee is 18 years old (an adult), I'm
 sure she would have went whether her mother let her or not, it was a senior trip. 
Why would her mom say no? I don't care, I say Fuck all of u who don't care about 
this story. If u don't like it, stop writing/reading about it and don't watch it on
 tv!!!! I don't care what anyone says, if my kid was missing I'd keep the story 
alive as much as possible and do whatever the hell I could to find my kid! No 
matter what anyone says!!! Ya'll need a life!
</pre>

==Confession==

[[Image:VAN DER SLOOT lulz.jpg|thumb|Upstanding young man.]]

In April, 2007 Joran Van Der Sloot published a book titled ''Dat bitch, Natalee Holloway''. In it, he was quoted as saying, "Hell no I didn't fuck her then kill her, she was long dead by the time I got my turn". As to the location of the body, Van Der Sloot merely snapped his fingers and shouted "[[Ali G|Booyakasha]]".





==See also==
* [[Asking For It]]
* [[Missing white woman syndrome]]
* [[Terri Schiavo]]
* [[Bill O'Reilly]]
* [[White people]]
* [[Kalidor]]

==External links==
* [http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2005/7/3/491/18474 Fuck Natalee Holloway]
* [http://www.nationalenquirer.com/crime/63361 The official ''National Enquirer'' article] (Because you can't get more reputable than that.)

[[Category: People]]
[[Category: Pranks]] 
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]