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[[Image:Oregontrail1.jpg|frame|Push the door, I'm home at last.]]

If you ever set foot in an elementary school computer class between the years of [[1984]] and 2046, you must have played this poor excuse for a video game on your [[Apple]] computer or Commodore 64.  The game told the story of a pioneering family that resorts to [[prostitution]] of [[Indian]]s to make their way to [[Portland]], OR and start up Danga.

==Main Characters ==

* [[You]].  You can choose between a [[Jesus|carpenter]], who can fix your felt-covered Ferrari, a [[Poor|farmer]], who will come in handy growing food in places you won't be staying for more than a day, or a banker, who will spend all his money on [[hookers and blow]] while your 401k craters.  In a typical run of the game, you will come down with [[AIDS|dysentery]] and die.
* Your spouse.  The tramp you knocked up.   In a typical run of the game, she will come down with [[AIDS|dysentery]] and die.
* Three [[children]].  Their main role in the game is to die of [[AIDS|cholera]] early and often.  In the Oregon Trail: [[Hot Coffee]] build, however, you can sell your [[16 year old girl|16 year old daughter]] into [[sex]]ual [[slavery]] for 10 pounds of coffee beans and a puppy.
* Oxen. They die due to too much [[bestiality]] which was quite common back in them days.

==Fun With Your Trail of Oregons==
[[Image:Oregon Trail Nigger.jpg|thumb|left|Even in the olden days, [[niggers]] would steal the wheels off your vehicle.]]

If you're reading this, the only fun thing about Oregon Trail is remembering that you were playing a video game at school.  But the video game wasn't the fun part of it.  

The original, well-known version of Oregon Trail lacked any sort of filter or rollback function, allowing the children in class to give their family inappropriate names (like Fuckface, [[Asswipe]], and [[Jameth]]), as well as mark the gravestones with inappropriate messages (such as "Here lies [[Quasidan's penis]], it was eaten by [[Girlvinyl's vagina]]).  Thus, years later, when new people begin playing the game, they can see the naughty messages you left for them.

Profanity is fun!

==Later Editions==

Since the original edition, about a million other editions have come out. Some of these feature realistic 3D graphics that really show you what those old-timey diseases were like. You can also collect wildflowers (if you're a pansy), go fishing (boring), or like the original, go hunting (and shoot yourself accidently). Unfourtunately, every new edition is harder than the one before it, so by the time you read this, it is unlikely that you can even depart your city of origin without stepping on a nail and developing gangrene.

==Various Ways of Dying==
*Dysentery.
*Measles.
*Dysentery
*Being a [[fucktard]] and drowning in the river.
*Dysentery
*Snake bite.
*Dysentery
*Being [[gay]] because them pioneers hate the queers.

==Useful Tips==
*Always ford the rivers, Caulking is for [[pussies]] and the [[indians]] will [[jew]] you out of wheels and grandfather clocks, real men ford the fucking river ARE YOU A REAL MAN ARE YOU?!

*ALWAYS start in winter, because the cold builds character.  Go at a grueling pace to get there quicker, and give the fuckers meager rations because pioneers hate [[fatties]].
*Shortcuts=fatality.

===ED's Epic Adventure===
On Sunday, April 1st, 2007, [[User:k-hate|Kate]] decided she would play a game of Oregon Trail with her party named after people in #ed. The very First party consisted of: [[User:k-hate|Kate]] herself as the leader, Sheneequa, Blargh, A_RAPE_SPIDER, and janus zeal. Before the adventure began everyone bet on who would die first. Everyone in the channel voted janus zeal would die, Janus voted for someone else, but [[Noone]] cares about that.

Here is the drama of ED's first voyage to the Promised land on the Wagon named INTERBUS:

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==External Links ==
* [http://www.deadlyhippos.com/columns/ot_int.htm Interview with the creator of Oregon Trail]
* [http://www.classicgaming.com/rotw/otrail.shtml Oregon Trail at Classic Gaming]
* [http://www.virtualapple.org/oregontraildisk.html Play Oregon Trail 1.0 online (requires GS [[Firefox]] plugin]

[[Category:Fandom Stuff]][[Category:Softwarez]]