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[http://store.steampowered.com/ '''Steam'''] is a base for [[13 year old boys]] to practice their [[Pwning]] skills and mastrubation. Steam is used to purchase [[Goatse|shitty games]] to play on the internet, even if the game has no online options. It is [[alleged]] that Valve has created Steam for the sole purpose of [[raping]] people's computers, market their half-assed games, and forcibly download software onto your computer that fucks up everything else. Amazingly, people enjoyed this and later, out of pure spite, more companies have hopped aboard the Steam train, with hopes of <s>fame and</s> fortune. But the only thing it really accomplished was making it harder to play pirated version of valve's game online, since there are only a handful of non-steam servers, and most pirated versions are broken.

One of those to sell their [[what|soul]] to Steam is PopCap Games. This company attempts to push ripoffs of old 2D arcade games for 10 bucks each, trying to cover this up by giving them shiny graphics, lame gimmicks, and alternate names. 

Today, Steam's games are filled up with [[13 year old boys|prepubescent fucks]] and [[basement dweller|overweight adults]] whose only real comfort in life is landing that [[leet]] [[headshot]] and using [[Shit nobody cares about|hax]].

Someone [[JEWS DID WTC|hijacked]] your account?  No problem!  Steam consists of the greatest [[sand niggers|tech support team]] in all of gaming industry where there is no number to call.  ONLY E-MAIL!!  Even if you do e-mail [[shit|Steam Support]], they'll respond...  [[never|eventually]].

==Some of the Shitty Games A to Z==
[[Image:gmodsex.jpg|thumb|Common Gmod activity]]
[[Image:playing_with_pedobear.png|thumb|Common Steam game]]
[[Image:Halflife69.jpg|right|thumb|You can play ''[[Half-Life]]'' using Steam.]] 
* '''''[[Age of Conan]]''''' - That's right, this [[Norway|Norwegian]] pile of broken content is available on Steam. The only good thing about this game is the fact that you can undress as far as to the tits!
* '''Anything by PopCap''' - Why pay $10 for a [[lame|flash game]] I can find on the internet?
* '''''Call of Duty''''' - 20 bucks my ass. I can get it for $10 at Best Buy.
* '''''[[Counter-Strike]]''''' - A clusterfuck of [[shota|prepubescent children]]. Famous for the useless shit people stick on their servers. Also home of [[Myg0t]] fags and according to [[Hilary Clinton]] causes the most [[Columbine|school shootings]] after ''[[Doom]]''.
* '''''Counter-Strike - Condition Zero''''' - An additional clusterfuck of [[shota|prepubescent children]], only with an added taste of french furries having microphone sex, and shouting 'beaum le headshotte' every ten seconds. Strangely has a larger population of prepubescent little girls than average, leading to an increased number of hairy pedophiles found on the servers.
* '''''DEFCON'''''' - 2D Nuclear holocaust has never been so boring.
* '''''Day of Defeat''''' - ''Call of Duty'' minus singleplayer. Doesn't use the [[Nazi|swastika]] for the Germans even though its a fucking WWII shooter. 
* '''''Day of Defeat: Source''''' - Same as above, but now with [[shit nobody cares about|BETTER GRAPHICS]] and moar faggotry, and it now uses [[Gay|TEH ORANGE BAWKS]] ENGINE OMFG, now everyone will [[Incontinent Student Bodies|BAWWWWWWWW]] about how low their FPS (Frames per Second) they're getting from their own shitty [[at least 100]] year old computer. Also in the Beta, shoot rockets at movable props to instantly win.
* '''''Deathmatch Classic''''' - ''Quake'', with [[Half-Life|Gordon Freeman]].
* '''''[[EVE Online]]''''' - Space libertarianism, in MMORPG form. It contains a lot of [[SA]] [[Goons]] trying to ruin as many things as possible... IN SPACE.
* '''''[[EverQuest]]''''' - An ancient MMORPG designed by opium addicts and Mexicans. In this game you can be a [[Battletoads|Battletoad]] that goes onto the moon to fight steampunk [[robot]] [[dragons]] and mushroom men.
* '''''[[EverQuest II]]''''' - And of course, the [[Electric boogaloo|sequel]] is added to the lineup. It's an easier ''EverQuest'' with voice acting.
* '''[[Garry's Mod]]''' - A sandbox mod for [[Half-life_2|HL2]]. Used to put ''Half-Life'' characters in sexual positions as a masturbatory aid. 
* '''''[[Half-Life]]''''' - You need to kill aliens trying to take over the world. Real fuckin' original, eh?
* '''''[[Half-Life 2]]''''' - [[You fail it|You failed]] to kill everything in the last one so you need to kill the [[transgender|Combine]] that's taken over the world.
* '''''Half-Life: Source''''' - Just like original ''Half-Life'', but with [[Sauce|Source]] and [[Ragdoll Physics]] OMGLOL[[oneoneone|!!111]] But no graphical enhancements, this pisses off graphicfags so that they're making a mod with it. 
* '''''Half-Life 2: Episode 1''''' - You failed ''again'' so you need to kill [[MOAR]] Combine and aliens, but this time there's a girl with you!
* '''''Half-Life 2: Episode 2''''' - You failed AGAIN. You blew up shit and now you need to GTFO. Also you have a shitty car that's busted up, so that it looks like a strider got to it before you fucking did.
* '''''Half-Life Deathmatch: Source''''' - You go around killing other people with no other goals, pretty boring huh?
* '''''Half-Life 2: Deathmatch''''' - Same as the first one but you use a GRAVITY GUN to shoot toilets at people.
* '''''Half-Life Blue Shift''''' - You're in the original ''Half-Life'' but you're a SECURITY GUARD! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?
* '''''Half-Life Opposing Force''''' - They're not done milking HL1 yet. Now you're a soldier, but you never get to run around killing innocent scientists at will. That's <s>bullshit</s> <s>[[Awesome|awesome]]</s> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. 
* '''''[[Left 4 Dead]]''''' - You go around seeing mother fucking zombies, you can be either a [[Vietnam War]] [[Oldfag|veteran]], some [[13 year old boy|biker dude]], a [[girl]], or a [[Nigger|manager]], make sure you don't shoot the zombies, no the zombies are you friends, just mostly shoot the guy who's a nigger.
* '''''Peggle Extreme''''' - THE. GREATEST. GAME. EVER. Because it's ''Peggle'', with [[Half-Life|Gordon Freeman]], [[Team Fortress 2|Heavy Weapons Guy]], and [[Portal|GlaDOS]].
* '''''[[Portal]]''''' - You create Vagina shaped [[cunt|holes]] and jump through them. Seriously, this is all you do. Despite this, it still manages to be the best game created in the last [[at least 100 years ago|100 years]]. 
* '''''Ricochet''''' - You jump from platform to platform in a black [[anus|void]] throwing Frisbees at people. Despite the Frisbee mechanic, you will most likely just fall to your death. A lot.
* '''''Smashball''''' - A Handball/Unreal Tournament hybrid for fat homosexuals - but not fat fags, they play counter strike - to feel like they can actually play a sport, when all they are really doing is slowly carving an ass shaped groove into their semen encrusted fap chairs
* '''''Team Fortress Classic''''' - Like every other god damn shooter Valve makes but with different looking weapons.
* '''''[[Team Fortress 2]]''''' - Like ''Team Fortress Classic'', but it's better, and has Looney-Tunes graphics. This is the video game equivalent to ''[[Brokeback Mountain]]''. Great to [[troll|grief]] in.
* '''''Vanguard: Saga of Heroes''''' - A once-shitty MMO that got [[Bel-Air|flipped upside-down]].
* '''''X2: The Threat''''' - You fly through space in really slow space ships going from space station to space station making deliveries and getting in 20 minute dogfights with the [[Cock|Kha'ak]].
* '''''X3: Reunion''''' - The same as above, but now you can use the mouse in the GUI! Holy shit!

== Origins ==

Some morbidly obese jewfag and his fuckbuddy from M$ made a game company which released a series of mediocre games where some virgin with a beard kills crabs. One of their ideas to make more money was to sell OEM versions of their games, resulting in Steam.

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==Fuck-Ups==
If you're experiencing massive lag and problems with Steam please do the following:

1) Get a job.

2) Buy a better computer.

3) Subscribe to a > 56 kbs internets service provider.

4) Unplug your microphone (this is for our benefit not yours.)

5) Fuck yourself with aforementioned microphone.

6) Uninstall Steam and move out of your parent's house.

7) ????

8) PROFIT!!!

 -additionally stop fapping while you play and cancel that [[pr0n]] download in the background - it lags the game

==Steam Achievements==
If you are too lazy to earn the shitty achievements then you can use this tool

[http://rapidshare.com/files/211816689/SteamAchievementManager40.zip Steam Achievement Manager]

==Steam Cloud==
Valve developers had no idea of what to do next. One of them suddenly awoke in the brainstorming room and threw the idea of making something so Steam victims could bring their fucks everywhere with them. They call it Steam Cloud and you can upload your saves and stuff. That's all. Well you may also leave your computer and go try to get a life, you [[faggot]].

<center><gallery>
Image:Steam_cloud.jpg|Steam Cloud.
Image:Steam_cloud_GOATSE.jpg|Steam Cl... [[goatse|GOATSE!]]
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
*[[Steam Furries]]

{{Gaming}}

[[Category: Softwarez]]
[[Category: Gaming]]