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[[Image:typical_indian.jpg|thumb|A typical resident of [[India]].]]

'''Tech Support''' or the '''IT Department''' is an [[India]]n based call center where you will be put on hold for 30 minutes before being let through a maze of complicated instructions on how to fix your [[computer]] by someone you can barely understand. Generally customers calling in end up holding the keys: Control, Alt, A, 2, and 6 while tapping the escape key for twenty minutes. The previous sentence was totally not stolen from [[Neurotically Yours|''Neurotically Yours'']].

''Tech Support'' is also the term used to describe any and all individuals who think they know more about computing than you, but don't. Tech support is where idiots bring virus-infested [[computers]] to trade those viruses for other problems that they didn't want and are worse than the problems created by the virus in the first place.

Individuals who provide tech support need to be closely watched. That's why some tech support offices are lined in glass windows - because you need to keep an eye on them or else you will never see your computer again. If at all possible, never let tech support out of your sight while your computer is in their hands.

In some Third World countries or backward [[in the ass|ass]] towns, tech support is just a bunch of reformed [[skript kiddies]] looking for extra dough while they try to find work doing something else or while they are spending their nights endlessly working on their plans to hack the World Bank website.

ARE YOU REX ENOUGH FOR TECH SUPPORT?!

== Background ==
It is a common misconception that even a single IT department exists in [[United_States|Teh United States of America]]. In actual fact (due to [[Hitler]] and [[Prostitute|outsourcing]]), all IT Departments have been shipped by lolicopter over the oceans and into [[India]], where mobs soon gathered and took control. A city was formed. It is said that every call from anywhere in the world, from [[Microsoft]] to White Castle, is forwarded to this Indian city of The IT Department.

== Language ==
The citizens of The IT Department all speak in [[Machine_code|machine code]], as it is impossible for any [[Scientology|sane human being]] to understand this complex jumble of sounds coming from their mouthes. In order for The IT Department to work, your computer must have a microphone. You simply hold the phone speaker to the microphone and using Christian Magic, The IT Department operator speaks his machine code into your computer and voila! Good as new! '''However, this does not work for [[Apple|macs]].'''

===Quotes From Tech Support===

*'''Help Desk:''' "What's a modem?"

*'''Tech Support:''' "Why can't you just use Netscape?" (said to questions about a modem that would work with Linux)

*'''Tech Support:''' "Sir, have you put any cheese or mustard in your a drive?"

*'''Tech Support:''' "Well, we don't know why it doesn't always work. You should consider getting a new computer."

*'''Tech Support:''' "Lightning must have hit it, and now it won't work in anything but Windows 95."

*'''Tech Support:''' "No, bits and bytes are the same thing!"

*'''Tech Support:''' "It is better for you to upgrade to Windows XP. DOS is outdated."

*'''Tech Support:''' "Just shut up and reboot already!"

*'''Tech Support:''' "Sir, did you really delete system 32? Are you stupid?"

== Typical Activities In IT Departments==
[[Image:ITdepartment.jpg|thumb|Who [[You|ur]] really talking to.]]
* Ignoring the [[telephone]]
* Blaming all problems on users being [[fucktards]]. (NB, this is factually correct, but not really the point)
* Ignoring all [[email]]s
* Creating [[retarded|witty]] acronyms about what [[fucktards]] the users are
* Playing [[Doom]]
* Learning [[English_language|English]]
* Downloading [[pron]]
* [[Masturbation]] (see above)


== Atypical activities in IT Departments ==

* Being any fucking use to anyone
* Using deodorant

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[[Category:Internets Phenomena]]
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