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<small>Articles: [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Needed]] &mdash; Write &bull; [[:Category:Crap]] &bull;  [[:Image:Turdpolish2.jpg#filelinks|<nowiki>{{Shit}} pages</nowiki>]] &bull;  [[:Special:Whatlinkshere/Template:Links|Uncyclopedia-esque content]]<br>  &bull;  [[:Image:Hangingcat.jpg#filelinks|Death Row]] &bull; [[:Image:INTERNET_TEMPLATE.jpg#filelinks|Lack of internets]] &bull; Transcribe [[Feltcho Voicemails]] (Feltcho v. Satan) &mdash; Rewrite &bull; [[:Category:Stub]] &mdash; Expand &bull; [[Special:Whatlinkshere/Template:Wikify|<nowiki>{{Wikify}} links</nowiki>]] &mdash; Wikify<br>
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Communication: [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Thizzlehat Junction Center|Thizzlehat Junction Center]] &bull; [[ED IRC]] &bull; [http://blog.encyclopediadramatica.com/ ED Blog] &bull; [http://www.myspace.com/encyclopediadramatica ED MySpace]<br>
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[[Image:Tubgirl.jpg|thumb|Assmustard on an especially good day.]]
[[Image:HotBlowjob.jpg|thumb|Facemustard, not to be confused with assmustard.]]

==Origin==
Assmustard began life as 1 part bottle of tequila, 2 parts bottled [[santorum]].  Due to an attempted [[felching|abortion]], assmustard's twin brother facemustard was born.

Now free to wander the [[internets]] via its personal wireless [[asslink]] connection, assmustard is more [[your mom]] than ever.
Assmustard currently resides in the bowels of [[azn]]s everywhere waiting to be released at a moments notice.

==CALL ME!!!==
You can reach Assmustard at (410)978-8824.

==Survival==
The following are necessary conditions for assmustard to exist:
*<strike>[[smoking|cigarettes]]</strike>
*[[pizza and beer]]
*[[alcohol]]
*[[hookers and blow]]
*not visiting the [[unbirthing]] article, which is [[offensive]]
*[[Lol]] [[cow]]s
[[Image:Chinpuppets.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Assmustard's suck puppets.]]
*Assmustard has no life, as evidenced by the single remaining heart at the upper left part of the screen. Assmustard needs more hearts.
*Assmustard has no [[livejournal]], [[MySpace]], or any online journal. Assmustard is e-dead.
*Assmustard is a [[mustard]].
*In assmustard's culture, '''[[babies]] are [[food]]'''.

==[[I was there]]==
[[Image:Recentchanges.jpg|right|thumb|300px|The sky is falling!]]
*Needed a cigarette after the "WERE IZ TEH FUNNEE??" attack of Febuary 2006.
*Ate a cheezeburger after the [[delete fucking everything]] of March 4, 2006.
*Watched helplessly during the mass vandalism of March 16, 2006
*Started the [[3000th Article]], which will hopefully provide the basis for many [[e-lawyer]] jokes.
<br>

<br>
[[Category:People]]

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{{needsmore|dinosaur sex}}
<big><big><big><big><big><big><big><big><font color=#FF0000>ASSMUSTARD<font color=#00FF00> HAS RETURNED<font color=#0000FF>TO RAPE <font color=#FF0000>YOUR HTML!</font></font></font></big></big></big></big></big></big></big></big></big>
[[Image:Hello.jpg|1000px]]